00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power. So they can lead like visionaries influence with grace, create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems, navigating their success in life, business, and career. If you are ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.
00:46 Hey, bay leader. Welcome back. So happy you are here with me. I have two little special guests. I mean, they're not little, they're pretty big two English bulldogs. They're my fur babies Asda queen Asda, please. I, uh, she is five years old, just sheer perfection, absolute perfectionist child savagery, for sure. And of course, king Leitis her partner. He is eight years old and he is so marvelous. He is looking up at me right now. He wants my attention. Oh, he's so special. But we're here in our new podcast studio and we are enjoying ourselves and we are coming to you with some really great information on self doubt. Where does this come from? I know as a leader and someone who has great aspirations and great ambition, I find myself in a lot of uncomfortable situations where I feel very uncertain. I feel self doubt.
01:47 I feel like an imposter. Most of the times, it's something that I have trained my brain to get comfortable with. And I understand it may not be that way for you at this point, but I wanna present this idea to you. This reframe around the imposter syndrome, which is basically self-doubt and the imposter syndrome. It was actually discovered by two, uh, psychologists back in the 1970s. And I did a whole show about it. Um, you could probably find it here in the library of, of podcast episodes. And I talked a lot about how imposter syndrome affects certain people of color, women of color, especially, and, and I, in particular being Mexican American and how I was raised and in the geographic area, I was raised, I had one foot in Mexico, one foot in the us along the Texas Mexican border. And I was conditioned and really trained to believe certain things about myself, my self worth and my contribution, uh, to this world.
02:52 I mean, there were certain things that I've had to overcome certain things that I've had to unlearn as I was developing my leadership identity, my leadership value. So I've been on this journey for a very long time and, and something that has surfed me very well is to reframe this idea of imposter syndrome. It's the idea that if you are not feeling uncomfortable in your own skin, in your own identity, then you are not challenging your growth or expansion as a leader. For some people, this is very comfortable or, or, or easier I should say to adapt to and becomes comfortable while for other people. It's just something they, they, their brains will not adapt to. And so I, I understand if you wanna leave this entire concept altogether, or if you wanna entertain it with me today, we can certainly do that. But it is important that you understand this reframe so that if you are leading other women, especially women of color or a marginalized group of people, it's important that you identify this in them.
03:58 So if they're taking behavior or action from a place of self, self doubt, you'll be able to identify that as a leader. So it's important that you stay with me through the end of this conversation so that you can use these strategies in your coaching as a leader. All right, my friend, let's start with this emotion of self out. So emotions come from the thoughts we, we are thinking. So when we are feeling self-doubt in our bodies, where do you feel that sensation? Do you feel it in your chest? Is it constraint or tightness in your chest, or do you feel it, it in your belly deep into your solar plexes, or do you feel it down in your spine, perhaps you're carrying this, this feeling of self doubt on your shoulders, maybe your neck, maybe your lower back for me. Here's what was very interesting through while my doctoral journey, the doctoral program journey, I suffered from sciatica for about seven plus years.
05:10 Really, it was so heavy and it was so tight and so constricting all along the sciatica. And I blamed it on sitting for hours. I blamed it travel cause I would travel two hours to my campus, sit for eight hours and then two hours back on the road. So I was sitting all the time for, for my class sessions. And so I blamed it on that. I said, oh, this is just ridiculous, ridiculous. It's all this driving. Okay, sure. Maybe that's how it, how it started. But what I believe to be true now is that it was a combination of yes, the physical sitting, but also the stress, the self-doubt, the uncertainty, the feelings of being a fraud of being an imposter, because of all the thoughts that created these feelings, you know, there was, there were thoughts. Like I didn't deserve to be in that room or I was the dumbest one in that room, or I was the least competent in that room or the least accomplished in that room.
06:18 There were thoughts like I'm too ambitious and now I got myself into trouble. I will not be able to finish this program. Finally, it caught up to me and now they're gonna know who I am, which is a fraud. So I had all these thoughts about my ability to be in the at room and to complete a doctoral program. I had so many interesting conversations with my chair, with my dissertation chair as well with my peers about my inability to, to do this work. You know, I was proud of being a pragmatic, you know, woman in leadership who had so many years of being in the trenches with her followers. And then here, she was now wanting to be a researcher and academic and a PhD in this field. Like I had so many thoughts and that really turned into strong belief systems that I didn't belong in that room.
07:17 And my body started to take on all of the stress and it just manifested in the inflammation of my sciatica for many, many years. And still today when it pops up. There's a little twinge in my back. I, I know it's something that is still buried in there. It's still buried in my unconscious. And I'm very conscious of it now, of course, but, but it took that experience for me to realize that these feelings are tied to strong thoughts that we believe to be true. And we turn them into strong solidified neuro path pathways, making it a belief system. And so throughout that whole journey, I really had to trust myself and really have my own back because my brain had never seen evidence of this type of success. I had two master's degrees. I had a ton of evidence as a great, um, I was very proud of that work, but here I was at the PhD level with some extraordinary scholars and I didn't see myself as such.
08:31 My identity was not there yet. I hadn't fully formed into that, you know, full, full, successful scholar and soon to be academic, right. I hadn't developed that identity yet. And, and it's interesting because it's not until you accomplish something, right? Like a degree or a project or, you know, a, a, a big goal that you have for yourself. It's not until you accomplish these things where you then realize your identity is, is forming. It still hasn't even fully formed. It's in, in the, in the developing stage still. It's very interesting for me. It's, it's it wasn't a, until years later that I identified as a researcher and an academic, because I couldn't embrace that identity. Even at my graduation, I'm like, no, I don't deserve this. And I remembered sitting at my graduation ceremony and thinking, wow, that was hellish. Ah, I can't believe I'm here.
09:33 That was so not worth not sure I would do this again. Those were the thoughts I was having as I was sitting there waiting to be called up to the stage. And I had to do a lot of work on the post traumatic stress that it caused me. It really did. There was just so much unraveling that my coach and I had to do in regards to fully embrace seeing this new identity of that, of a scholar and an academic and researcher. But here I am years later, fully, fully embraced in this identity. And so I present you this, this example because the brain is so interesting, the brain will present to you stories that you don't belong in that room, that you're now worthy to be here, that someone else deserves that spot, that who do you think you are to be here? You're nothing, you're nobody.
10:28 And all of those thoughts are stories that your brain presents to. You serve like multiple levels of emotions here, right? It's like my goodness one, thought's creating an emotion of self-doubt. Another thought is creating an emotion of fraud. Another thought is creating an emotion of overwhelm of uncertainty. And so here you are flooded with all these thoughts and all of these emotions, which then your brain is going. I don't even know what's going on here. And you feel all the feelings. And for those of us who are highly sensitive to emotion, we can easily go down a very interesting path of depression and anxiety, which is something I have suffered through for many, many years. And so pay close 10 to what your brain is presenting you through these circumstances or situations. And this is why this episode is so important for you to understand for yourself, right?
11:30 Where you're feeling self doubt, of course, in your body. What thoughts are creating this feeling of self-doubt and what circumstance or situation are you in, where you're putting yourself in these circumstances where you, you feel uncomfortable and you feel like a fraud and you feel doubtful of your abilities. I'm not saying do not put yourself in these situations ever again. I just want for you to be focused conscious of what is happening to you right here right now. And so when you feel the feeling of self doubt, what actions do you take, or what inaction do you take from that, that negative emotion of self doubt? Like for me discovering how anxious I was discovering how doubtful I felt I would procrastinate in my work. I would second guess my research, I would ruminate over how I was going to make it through this structural program.
12:36 I suffered greatly at, at my own hand, right? I did this to myself because I didn't understand that I was taking action from a place of negativity, right. That thought was fueling a negative emotion of self-doubt. And when you're fueled by something so negative, like this actions or the quality of those actions, you should challenge. You should look a little closer at because that's something I didn't do for myself. I was really on flight or fight mode all the time through this doctoral program. I ha I was, I was so defensive. I always fighting with people. I was angry at my peers and my, my fellow scholars. I was angry at my professors. I was angry at my husband. I would, you know, defend why I couldn't go on a vacation. Why I couldn't take a break? Why I couldn't go get a massage? I was, I was defending, you know, why I couldn't be fulfilled at that time?
13:33 Like I had to suffer through this journey, right? So I was fighting my way out of it, or I would flee right. Fight or flight. I would fly, you know, into this numbing. My weekends, some weekends were spent eating my brains out because I didn't wanna feel a thing I wanted to avoid the project I had had to complete, or the presentation or the paperwork I, you know, P I had to do. I, I did so much to numb that negative emotion of self-doubt. So those were my two responses. Those were, that was the response. My nervous system gave during those couple of years, it was fight or flight. And I, I had to really work on understanding why I was reacting this way, why my brain was presenting these stories to, to me while I was trying to complete something so big and monumental in my life.
14:29 So I had to do constant checking in with my brain, with my body and with my coach. It was the best work that I did. You know, cuz the result I created after doing so much work on my brain was, was this PhD where I, I am now able to do extensive research and build the body of work in this discipline and to help my leaders. So it has been so rewarding and so fulfilling too, but it took a lot of awareness and it took a lot of coaching and work to get through that. And so now you, as a leader, I want for you to now identify what areas of your life, right. Start bringing to your consciousness. What, what areas of your life are you feeling the most doubtful, right? But especially in your leadership role and you could use this technique for any area of your life.
15:23 But, but I want for us to focus on the workplace on your role as a leader today, how are you a approaching your doubt, your self-doubt, how are you approaching the imposter syndrome or are you confident? Are you on a scale of one to 10, a 10 in everything that you do? And if you do thank goodness, right? Good. I'm glad you have have that identity of a confident self-assured leader, but please recognize that your employees are not at the level that you're at. Right? So again, stay with me through this, through this episode, cuz you will learn how to use this with your employees. But if you are the leader who is experiencing this self-doubt I want for you to take note of you feel the most doubtful of your abilities. Is it when you are having a conversation with your leader or is it when you're having, you know, meetings with your employees or perhaps stakeholders or constituents, when are you feeling the most doubtful jot down those situ or those circumstances?
16:35 Because I want for you to also remember that these circumstances are just that they're neutral. They are factual. It's not until you have a thought about a circumstance that creates the emotion of self doubt. So when you write down these circumstances, tell yourself, I'm only gonna take the evidence here, acts from this circumstance. And, and it could look like this. I spoke with my leader at 2:15 PM today. He said that I will work on my communication skills with my peers period. That's factual. There's no opinion. There you are not writing down your opinion about it, right? It's factual. It is evidence. So if you were gonna go prove this in a court of law, I'd love saying that you just present the facts because it's not until you think a thought about the circumstance again, that creates the emotion of self-doubt. So the thought that you may be having about that circumstance is how dare he call me out on this period, right?
17:44 One sentence or it could be, you know, he does not know that I don't communicate in that way or how dare he think that I am friends with my peers or you know, fill in the blank. Like what thoughts are you having about the circumstance that's creating the emotion of self-doubt. So if I was called into my off as and said, you know what, Denise, you are not communicating kindly. You're not open to communication with your peers, your peer. So, and so said this to me, they shared with me that you were snippy, that you were even arrogant, you were closed off and people are complaining about your lack of communication. So you need to improve on that and what are you gonna do about it? And my thought could be, are you crazy? This man's crazy. that, that could have been my thought, this man's crazy.
18:45 Who does he think? He is? Like, doesn't he know who I am and then your brain's gonna present more thoughts, more thoughts. And then maybe a thought could be like, wow, I guess I'm not a great communicator, but shouldn't, I be a great communicator since I am a leader. Oh my goodness. And then the emotion of self doubt comes in. So you will initially have a flood of all these thoughts and all these or emotions, but then you're gonna land on the self-doubt emotion. And then from that emotion of self-doubt, what actions do you take from that emotion? Right? You may be, you may go into hiding after. You may want to just not communicate with your peers ever again. You may now start acting differently with your employee because of the self-doubt that's driving these actions, right? So pay close attention to this, this negative emotion of self-doubt right?
19:39 Fueling your actions. And then ultimately, what is it producing? What is the result you're creating from this self-doubt and these actions you've taken from that emotion of self-doubt so, so important that we, we, we start paying attention to the sequence that's happening in our brains. And this, my friend is what's happening inside your employee's brains. Yeah. So let's say you now have an employee evaluation, right? You're sitting with your subordinate. This is maybe the annual will employee evaluation. This will determine whether they get a raise or not, but you have a lot of low scores for this individual. And you have a lot of evidence that shows that this individual deserves these low scores and more than likely he or she will not get this promotion or this pay raise. And so you can use this technique, right? The sequence of what's happening in our brains so that you can deliver this information to your employee.
20:45 So that instead of creating an emotion of self doubt in your employee, you're creating an emotion of hopefulness of aspiration, right? Of understanding maybe. So what you can do is present the evidence. You hear the facts here is your evaluation and keep in mind the thoughts that this person is probably, and there's probably, uh, you know, a, a, a waterfall of thoughts coming in into that person's brain. So when that person hears, I've got a number one on communication, instead of a number five, you know, what you can do is help them think thoughts, right? You're going to inspire them to think thoughts that will produce a feeling of hopefulness instead of dread, right? That's what you get to do as a leader. You get to coach your employees through all of these circumstances. Like if, if you don't know how to do this for yourself, then I don't know how helpful you're gonna be with your employees.
21:46 So it's important that you, you learn this now so that when you are having to deliver interesting information, have difficult conversations, challenging conversations with your peers, with your subordinates and your leader, you are able to understand what's happening in their brain because, you know, I don't, I don't think there's a worse emotion than self doubt as a leader or an employee, honestly. I mean, cause when you show up in this emotion and energy of defeat of self-doubt of fraudulent, how do you act, how do you behave from there? Of course your employee's not gonna produce the best that they can because they're having this, these thoughts and this, then these emotions of self-doubt defeat, overwhelm, fraudulent and so forth. So it's important that you understand what's happening in your brain so that you can help your employees process information so that you can move them all in unison, right?
22:44 You can help them individually and in unison to the final goal of your division or a region or department. So, so important that we understand the mental work that goes into this leadership work that we're doing. So I know I gave you so much to think about, but I want for you to start looking at how you are processing self-doubt and what areas of your life, but specifically in the workplace, what circumstances are putting you in those situations where you're thinking thoughts that create this, these emotions of self-doubt or uncertainty or fraudulent pay attention to the actions you're taking from that emotion of self-doubt. So hone in on that first, right? Get a grip on that for yourself and then find ways to apply this with your subordinates, with your employees. And if you need help, you know where to find me, my friend, this is what I dedicate my my vocation to doing is to helping you be the most impactful, influential, transformative leader that they've ever, ever seen or experienced in their lives.
23:56 But the work starts with you starts with identifying your self doubt. And what areas are you feeling the most fraudulent or like an imposter, identify it in your body. Where are you carrying it? Where are you feeling this? And then do all the thought work that I shared with you today. But again, if you need help, reach out, we can discuss what this would look like as, as a professional relationship, how we can work together, how I can help you with specific strateg on delivering these kinds of, um, of, of difficult information or challenging information. And that way you can better help your employee process. These negative emotions. I'll write my friend. Let me know your thoughts. DM me over on IG. That's where you'll find me. I met Dr. Denise Simpson take good care, have a wonderful week. I'll catch you on next week's episode. Bye for now.
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