Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power. So they can lead like visionaries influence with grace and create a, a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems, navigating their success in life, business, [00:00:30] and career. If you are ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.
Speaker 1: What is happening? My friend so happy you're here. I've got such a great, great episode for you. I'm like so excited. I can't even tell you, we are going to talk about your unconscious declaration. Oh, isn't [00:01:00] that just so brilliant. Your UNC conscious declaration. It's like your manifesto, the unconscious level. It is unaware to your consciousness. You know how there's people that have their manifestos up. I have one for sovereign leadership. So if you ever join my program, then you'll know what I'm talking about. And that's clear, it's direct. It is conscious. We are intentional in our focus and our energy that we want to produce. So it's a manifesto. It is our declaration on what [00:01:30] we expect from this program, what we expect from ourselves and who we are becoming because of the work we're doing in sovereign leadership. And so when you think of your unconscious declaration, it's something are declaring that is unconscious to you at this point until now my friend until now, because now we're gonna bring it to light.
Speaker 1: I love this topic so much. I actually heard a psychotherapist. Do I follow on Instagram? Talk about the unconscious [00:02:00] declaration. And she's a psychotherapist for women who have left very traumatic and toxic relationships. And these are women who have suffered through codependency, um, through child abuse, child trauma, and they wind up in these very, very toxic relationships with a partner. And so she helps them through all of these, uh, learnings from these relationships. So what I wanna do is take this idea of your unconscious declaration [00:02:30] to our space, right? To what you are wanting to declare at the conscious level, right? Cause right now it is unconscious. It is unaware to wise. And as women leaders, I, I dedicate all of our trainings to developing your mind set. You're really giving you the tools to really find out what's in the inner workings of your mind, right?
Speaker 1: The dark spaces of your unconscious mind, because remember our conscious mind is where we are using it [00:03:00] to make decisions. It's our it's called our executive decision maker. It's the prefrontal cortex. It's where we practice decision making. This is where we are engaged in learning. This is where we are actively learning and solving for problems. But at the unconscious level is where our beliefs are held. Our values are held. Our emotional, um, our emotional loops are held. Our physical habits are held. And so at the unconscious level, this is where everything's automated. It is automatic. [00:03:30] You have grooved some very smooth neuro pathways. And so these are the learnings that we wanna bring to the light, which is into the conscious part of our mind, so that we can work on those things that have been impeding our success and our growth. And so when we are wanting to pull forth these urges, these desires, these needs that we've buried, right?
Speaker 1: We've buried them in the darkness. We wanna bring them to light [00:04:00] because we wanna declare for ourselves what we want to change, what we want to modify, what we want to add, what we want to remove in our lives. And this is how we get to declare for ourselves. What, what is best for us? What is best for our family and for our communities and organizations. And so this is the idea of the unconscious declaration, your unconscious declaration. You know, I help so many women uncover for themselves, things that are [00:04:30] missing things that don't feel right in their lives. You know, it could be not feeling right in their bodies. It could be not feeling right in a leadership role. It could be not feeling right in a relationship. You know, cuz so many of us, especially high achieving women like us, we sacrifice ourselves.
Speaker 1: We sacrifice our bodies, our health for career. We sacrifice intimacy and [00:05:00] closeness with our leverage, with our partners for success, we sacrifice not having children. Right? We put that on the side or we tell ourselves that's, there's no time for that. There's just no way we can do that because I I'm on track to, to be in the C-suite very soon. So we're gonna put that on hold. And then when the day comes, where, where you've reached 40 years of age and you're like, wait a minute. Now I wanna have kids, which is what happened to me. I really sacrificed so much of my, [00:05:30] of myself for my career, for my education. And for me there was unconscious urges and desires that were unmet. And every time I would get an insight and every time I'd have, you know, glimmer of my intuition presenting itself to me and into my, you know, my consciousness, I would say, no, no, no, no, no brain.
Speaker 1: You're you're telling me a story. Put that aside. I'm too busy. [00:06:00] I'm too busy. You know, climbing Mount Everest. I cannot stop to have children. No, no, no, no, no. Or I would, you know, regurgitate something that happened in my childhood. And then I would tell myself, no, no, no, no, no. Wow. You know, you had a screwed up childhood. Look at all that trauma. You're gonna screw up these kids. You cannot have 'em. So put that aside. We're still climbing Mount Everest. So that's, there's just, we just have no business doing that right now. And so every time these unconscious [00:06:30] desires and urges would pop up and they would present itself and in various circumstances or situations, I would and tell my mind pipe down, that's not happening. We are consciously trying to climb Mount Everest year. Don't you see this, put this aside.
Speaker 1: And I would bury it back into my unconscious mind. And then I turned 42 years old and I remember telling my husband, um, we're are gonna do IVF and we're gonna, [00:07:00] we're gonna get the ball rolling here. And he said, what you've been telling me, no for over 10 years of marriage and now what, what is happening here? And so through a lot of therapy, a lot of coaching and a lot of NLP, um, treatment, uh, which is neurolinguistic programming treatments. I came to discover that what was holding me back from saying yes, consciously to starting a family with my husband was the [00:07:30] childhood abuse, the molestation and things that happened to me in my youth had not been processed, had not treated that, that side of my mind of my physical body, my spiritual body, I had not fully embraced what happened to me, forgiven myself and my perpetrator for what happened to me and all the things I needed to do to heal myself from, from, from those circumstances.
Speaker 1: I hadn't done [00:08:00] the work. I was doing the work at, at the surface on the surface. And I hadn't gone into the depths of my neurology and the depths of my soul, where I needed to really, really heal from what happened to me. And it wasn't until then that I realized I would be a great mother and I would love to have a family with this gorgeous man of mine. How, how could we do this? How could we get started as soon as [00:08:30] possible? And we did, you know, we had the means to start IVF right away. And then we found out some really interesting information, both our bodies and we needed to make some decisions from very, very important decisions about not pursuing IVF. And I remembered being so devastated cuz here I was healing from one trauma, my childhood trauma, I needed to heal from closing [00:09:00] that chapter of not having biological children trauma.
Speaker 1: So there's that that I had and I'm still working through. But what I, what I want you to take away from the story is that there were these unconscious urges and desires that kept hopping up. That kept coming up for me. But I kept telling myself, no, no, no, there are better things to do right now. And I'm on track and I've got goals and I'm extremely ambitious and we don't have time for all this other stuff. But what really [00:09:30] was happening was I didn't wanna make time for the healing. My mind was presenting myself opportunities to heal, to go get the help, but I kept stuffing them down into my, my stilettos. I kept stuffing them down to my shoes. Like no, no, no, stay down, stay down. I've gotten through life this far successfully ambitiously. I, I, there's just, I cannot deal with this can not deal with trauma right now.
Speaker 1: And so it's so interesting how [00:10:00] the mind will present to you what you've been avoiding to heal. And that's what I'm talking about. The unconscious declaration. What I eventually did was I declared to myself to God, to my husband, that I wanted to have children. And I was deserving of having children. And I'd be a, an amazing mother that I didn't fear motherhood anymore. I didn't fear [00:10:30] that I would, I would, you know, be a terrible mom, which is one of the crazy stories that my brain presented to, to me many, many times, but that was the unconscious declaration that then became conscious to me and I declared it and I, I brought it to conscious awareness and then I took action. I got the healing that I needed. I'm still healing from it. Of course. I don't think I'll I'll ever resolve that. But I've I come so far so far [00:11:00] to the point where I took action with my husband to start IVF.
Speaker 1: So these were leaps and bounds that I made through the therapy through the coaching through NLP. But I declared it. It became my conscious declaration. I am deserving. And we're gonna take in from this space, we're gonna take action from this, this feeling of worthiness, but I had to do a lot of work. And that's what I want for you to pay attention to what are [00:11:30] the messages? What are the desires, the urges that are popping up, that you have been putting aside or that you've been stuffing into your own shoes. What are those desires that you have neglected again? Because maybe you're raising a family. Maybe you are focused on taking care of your aging parents and your children in the home. Maybe you are the breadwinner. Maybe you are, you know, working on [00:12:00] your career and an education at this point. And maybe you're too busy.
Speaker 1: Maybe you're saying everybody else needs me right now. I have to put my needs and desires to the side. There's just no room for that right now, Denise, I cannot do that. Pay attention to what your mind is presenting you with and what you have been denying yourself of this is the wake up call. This is the awareness that you and I are doing together. And, [00:12:30] and this is what I want for you to do. First is check on what you have been suppressing. What have you been denying yourself of write that down? Is it you going back and getting a master's degree? Is it you hiring a nutritionist or a health coach to help you on your journey? Is it you not, you know, calling up at their and putting yourself into a treatment program? Is it you putting your husband's needs [00:13:00] first, maybe his educational pursuits first before your own, right?
Speaker 1: Or is it the kids? Because you know, you're, you're, you're ending your day at work and you're rushing to take them to their clubs or to sports or to whatever. And your excuse is they come first, write down what is coming up for you. As I share these circumstances, do any of these circumstances resonate with you? Write them down and then write [00:13:30] down what you have been avoiding. Are you avoiding feel Layton, deflated, defeated, unworthy? Are you avoiding feeling pain or suffering? What do you think you're going to feel if you even entertain the idea, regret, maybe resentment, maybe. Right. You know, it's so interesting. Every time my sisters would talk about the children in front of me, their children. [00:14:00] And every time I would talk to a family member about their kids, you know, they would exclude me from conversations. They would, you know, brush it off or they would look at me and I'd, I'd be their days and confuse like, well, I have nothing to contribute, but it's so nice to hear about my niece.
Speaker 1: And they would just stop the conversation and they would put lightly, you know, talk about something else. And I remember creating this story of, wow, I'm I just, I resent them so much for doing that to [00:14:30] me. And I would then suppress that and put it back, back into the darkness. I would just put it back on that shelf with the lights off and the dust and the cobwebs collecting that, that feeling of resentment. It's like, Nope, we're gonna put it there. Cause I do not wanna feel that again. So what are you avoiding? What feelings are you avoiding feeling? If you think about this desire or urge or want that you've been wanting to accomplish [00:15:00] or achieve. So pull these feelings up because those feelings are attached to a thought that you're having. So bring that to conscious awareness and write the these down, write down those feelings, write down your thoughts, write down what is coming up for you as we're, we're talking here today, this is the work we get to do together.
Speaker 1: My friend, we're bringing this to conscious awareness, write everything down. [00:15:30] And if you're a voice memo person, then get that app out and start speaking into it. So once you get all that out of your brain, right, do a mental dump, do a brain dump, do what you have to do to just get it out of your neurology, right? I want for you to now show your brain, okay. This is what I wrote down. This, these are the feelings. These are the thoughts. These are the dreams that I've been denying myself of [00:16:00] this. These are the urges. These are the desires that have been popping in and out of my mind for the last few years. And it's time to resolve them. And you can tell your brain that it's time to resolve these. I really wanna get to the bottom of this because I don't wanna spend the next year or the next month or the next minute thinking about what if, what if this was possible? What if I've been lying to myself? What if my brain has been presenting me with a bunch of lies? Cuz your [00:16:30] brain, my friend is a lying liar. Let me tell you why it's a line liar because your brain is designed to seek pleasure.
Speaker 1: And it's also designed to avoid discomfort. Those two go hand in hand. Don't they, your brain doesn't want you to feel any pain. Doesn't want you to suffer. It will lie to you and tell you, you must protect your yourself. You must stay in the cave. You must not [00:17:00] dream too high. Don't you know, you're never gonna get that promotion. So why bother to ask? It wants to avoid pain. Doesn't want you to feel discomfort. So what does it do? It seeks pleasure. And how do we seek pleasure? When we don't want to feel dis comfort, we avoid it. We numb it. We suppress it, right? That's what our brain is designed to do. It's two sides of the coin. [00:17:30] So what are you gonna do with your brain? You're gonna discipline it. And that's where conscious effort and awareness is what we're doing in here today.
Speaker 1: And by the way, the third thing that that brain likes to do is automate your life. That's where your habits come in my friend. So if it's designed to avoid discomfort and number two, seek pleasure, number three, it's automating your life. Trust me. It's creating habits. Some very, very negative emotional [00:18:00] habits and physical habits. Let me tell you, and this is why coaching and therapy are so important. So important. So here you are putting it all out on paper or in a voice memo. I want for you to just take some time, cuz this is, this is good work and I'm, I'm not gonna say it's delicate work, but it is, it is work. That's going to put you in a vulnerable state, but I promise you, my friend, [00:18:30] the, the outcome of this work will be so gratifying. It'll be so fulfilling because now you'll put things to rest or you're going to make a decision to move forward in taking action towards this goal.
Speaker 1: So you're gonna declare what you want either way, but you're gonna make a declaration. You're going to make a decision from what you've presented your brain with and what you wanna [00:19:00] do moving forward. That's what we do around here. So let's say you want to start your doctoral program or maybe a master's degree and you, your brain has said, Nope, now's not the time the kids need all my attention. You know, it's just the last two years have been. So, so painful suffering through this epidemic and, and trying to get these kids back on track. You know, my needs should not be at the forefront. [00:19:30] Theirs is, and I'm gonna for my, my program maybe another year or so until things calm down. So you write all that out and then you ask yourself those questions. Is this really true? Is this true? Is it true that they are the priority right now?
Speaker 1: What exactly, or how exactly am I gonna prioritize them? I've already prioritized them. They're being fed. They have a warm [00:20:00] bed to sleep in. They are going to school getting the best education they can. So H how would I not, how am I not prioritizing them right now? No, I've been prioritizing them. Actually. They've been number one on my priority list since they were born, even before that. Hmm. So maybe it's not true. Maybe it's not true that if I were to start this educational pursuit, go apply for this program, that I [00:20:30] would not be neglecting them. That they would still be a priority. Hmm. Maybe that is true. Maybe we can make that true. Maybe I can believe that that is true. Maybe I can believe that I can make that happen. Interesting. Right? So you start having these conversations with yourself and you start questioning your brain, start questioning your beliefs about what you can or cannot do what you deserve or do not deserve. Start questioning [00:21:00] everything, challenge, everything, and write that down.
Speaker 1: I want for you to also think about this. What if I did pursue my educational goal? What if I did go and apply it for that program? What could be the best case scenario here? Well, the best case scenario could be, Ooh, my partner, step sin. Cuz [00:21:30] he knows how it's important that I attain this degree. He knows that we're going to get a pay increase for sure. He knows that it's gonna set me on a trajectory for a C-suite level. He knows that this degree is going to really do so much for our family. Maybe we can finally take that trip to Disneyland or Disney world. Wow. Wow. The best case scenario is that I finished this program in 12, 14 months instead of 24 [00:22:00] months. What if that is true? What if that's the best case scenario?
Speaker 1: Well, maybe I can make that happen. Well, let me talk to him first and you see how once you start having these discussions with yourself, you'll then realize the action steps you can take. So conversations start happening. And what if after you speak to your spouse or your partner and he says, gosh, you know what? It's a great idea. I'm gonna wait actually to start my [00:22:30] program. I want you to go for first because I, I know you have a better chance to get these promotions. And I believe in you. And what if after having that conversation with him or her, you say, you know what? I, I think this could, I, I think we could make this happen. I think this is, this could be true. Well, you know what, let me go speak to my HR to let me go see what, what employee educational reimbursement there is.
Speaker 1: Tuition and reimbursement [00:23:00] is, is available to us, although I've never asked about it. So let me ask my HR director or the HR person tomorrow. Let me just ask it. Doesn't hurt to ask. And then what do you do? You take again, you have a conversation with the HR people and then that conversation may lead to another decision. You see how this is a conscious awareness. We are declaring this consciously. We are bringing those desires, those urges, those needs those, those, [00:23:30] those dreams, those, those goals that you've put you put in the dark, you've kept it in the dark. But now it's conscious to you and you're making small actions. You're taking small actions towards coming to a final decision. This is how we get to declare what we want consciously, fully aware with our prefrontal cortex. We're not relying on our silly, silly mind that takes us all over the place and lies to us.
Speaker 1: Every, every chance [00:24:00] it gets, this is what I'm talking about. My friend, you're turning your unconscious declaration into a fully fledged conscious, fully aware, fully embodied declaration. This is what I want for you. So practice these things. Start talking to yourself. Start bringing conscious awareness to these thoughts that go unnoticed and go UN challenged, start writing this all out, let your brain, see it for [00:24:30] itself. Let it see that you are, you are you're nudging it. You're wanting to uncover some things you're wanting to discipline it. Start asking questions about whether this is true or not ask yourself your best case scenario here. What if this actually works out? What could possibly happen? The best, the best case scenario is what's going to happen. And then you start having conversations with those key players in your life. And [00:25:00] you start taking action from those conversations, right?
Speaker 1: And then you ultimately make a decision. You either close that chapter in your life or you move forward with it. This is the conscious declaration that we're doing together today. So my friend, I hope that my story helped you today. My story of a ton of personal sacrifice and a whole lot of awareness conscious awareness that I had to, I had to do and a lot of healing that had to be done. [00:25:30] But these were the decisions. All, all because of actions that I, I took towards closing a chapter or opening a chapter in my life. And so I asked that you get help. If you need help with us, do not deny yourself that opportunity get the support you deserve. And that's what we do in coaching. You know, an extraordinary coach put, puts the mirror up against your brain and calls you [00:26:00] out on all your BS, not just yours, but your brain's BS, right?
Speaker 1: That's what we get to do. We get to help you identify those beliefs, those systems that are running at the unconscious level that are impeding your growth and expansion. And then we help bring new beliefs into light new beliefs that we work towards solidifying in our neurology so that you can create any result that you want in your life. That's coaching in a nutshell, that's what we get to do. So [00:26:30] make sure you get the help you deserve. All right, my friend, I hope you found today's episode. Helpful. Please let me know how I can serve you. You know where to find me over on IG at Dr. Denise Simpson. All right, my friend wishing you all of my best, then we'll talk next week. Take good care.
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