00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power. So they can lead like visionaries influence with grace and create a, a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems, navigating their success in life, business, and career. If you are ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.
00:47 Hey, welcome my friend. I'm so happy you're here. I hope all is well with you. I hope that as you are listening to this episode, you are inspired to take action that you feel embolden or empowered to move forward in the direction that you wanna go in. That is my hope for every episode, but for this one, this one feels a little different to me. I'm coming to you with a very different mindset, a very different energy or state of being. And I want to share with you that I am in the process of becoming someone that I've never knew was possible to become as I'm working in my business, as I'm creating content, as I'm, I'm creating this body of work in the book that I'm writing right now called sovereignty, uh, on sovereign leadership, which I offer a program for my, uh, women leaders.
01:57 I have been stepping into a new identity, a new belief neurology that I, that I have to become on my way to achieving that new identity. So I'm becoming this new person. I'm not that person yet. That won't happen until I have completed or accomplished this particular task around this new identity that I'm creating for myself. And I come to you with this energy of excitement, because I am seeing the shifts. I'm seeing the changes my neurology has, has disrupted. I, there has been discomfort. There has been some nervous excitement as I am doing the thought work and taking the action from the emotions that are coming from the thought work. And so I wanna share a little bit of what I'm learning as I am becoming a writer, a published author, someone who is going to submit a book proposal to dozens and dozens of publishing houses.
03:18 I am becoming something that I have never, uh, done before, right? Becoming someone that, that I didn't know, I was capable of becoming. And you know, this is what we do in coaching. Essentially. You know, when I work with my leaders, we, we look at where they are. The state of be that they are currently in the state of being meaning homeostasis, meaning status quo, meaning she's right here right now in her current life, she's created these current results. She has this current set of beliefs and habits and emotions that she, that she operates from. So she's here currently. It's her current state of being. And so when she comes to me, she is questioning some of her results. She is questioning the negative emotions that she's feeling. She's questioning some beliefs that are imp her progress either in her personal life or in her leadership life.
04:26 And so she's coming to me at status quo and she is saying, there's gotta be something better. I know there's something more, or this doesn't feel right. I tired of feeling this way. What can I do differently? So she's already very curious, right? She says, this is current life. My current circumstances, this is what I have created. Some things I'm very fulfilled in and some things I'm not. And she starts getting curious about the possibilities of more of difference of change, maybe happiness, maybe a financial gain, maybe a marriage, maybe even a divorce. So she's looking at possibilities, which then prompts her to seek help. She says, you know, I've gotten this far and what has gotten me this far is not gonna get me to the next level. Right. And, and that is so important to understand it's the curiosity of possibilities that bring clients to me.
05:37 They get curious, they get excited and they know they need some, and that's okay. They're okay with asking for help. So there's a few things there that have to happen before you actually make a call or respond to an offer that I'm, I'm providing you with and getting on, on a zoom call with me. So many things have to happen before that. But here's the state of being that you are currently at. And we can always look at all areas of your life, right? Well, that's, that's, that's always on the table, your health and wellness, your personal finances, your personal, your spirituality, or your religion, or your self care or your intimacy, and of course your career. So all these areas of our lives affect how we show up in the organization. It affects how we lead our people, because how you lead yourself is how you're leading others.
06:40 And if you're thinking, well, I'm a different person at work, Denise, I don't know what you're talking about. Listen, my friend, you take your brain and your heart everywhere you go. So I guarantee you how you're leading yourself and your personal life is how you're leading your followers. So be open to this idea of investigating, of getting curious of putting your brain under the microscope and just taking a look, how is this true? How is, how is it true that because I'm not meeting my health and wellness goals, I'm leading in a, a very undisciplined, perhaps unsatisfactory way in my organization. How is it that, you know, I don't have a great intimate relationship with my spouse or my partner and how that's affecting me here in my personal life. How is that keeping me from growing compassion for my followers per biting, a sacred, intimate space for them to share with me their concerns and their problems.
07:43 How is that affecting the way I'm showing up as a leader, right? How about personal finances? If you are unsatisfied in this particular area and an employee comes to you asking for a salary raise, how is you not feel and satisfied in your own personal finances? How is that going to affect whether you promote her, whether you cheer her on or support her as she is asking for this raise, start looking at how your personal life is affecting your leadership life. Always to do that. But first things first, the state of being that you are in currently start looking around my friend, what is status quo? What is it that you say, oh, that's a tomorrow problem. Yeah. I'll deal with that next week. Is it your health and wellness? Is it starting that nutritional plan? Is it starting that exercise plan or is it your finances handling your debt?
08:42 Oh, that's just a tomorrow problem. You know what? Debt's gonna be there and I don't wanna deal with it. And it's just too emotional for me to, to, to handle that's a next week problem. What have you been pushing off to the following week, which then turns into a month, which then turns into months, which then eventually turns into years. What are you pushing off? That's your status quo? These are habits that you've created. This is homeostasis for you, my friend. So if you're are telling me, but Denise, my status quo is actually pretty great. Homeostasis is pretty balanced. I'm I'm okay in this area. Fantastic. If you want more for yourself or, or for a relationship or for your body or for your personal finances, that's where we need to get curious as to what is possible for you to strive for. But if you're telling me status quo is perfect.
09:42 Thank you very much. I don't need to focus any attention on that particular area. Fantastic. It's those areas, my friend that are causing so much suffering so much pain. And if you're saying, well, you know, it's not that painful, but it's very uncomfortable. And you know, I've, I've dealt with it for 10 years and you know, I don't see the point in working on this. Well, my friend, I see the point on working in every area of your life so that you can reach that optimal. The level of fulfillment. I don't know about you, but this is the one lifetime I have. And it is important for me to do what I can because I have the tools. And also because I I'm worthy of having a fulfilling life and I have to do some work in certain areas I live so that I can reach fulfillment.
10:40 So that status quo now becomes a totally different level. My homeostasis is now at a, a whole other level than it was before you are worthy. You are worth doing this work, but you, my friend, you need to get curious and you need to see the past disabilities for yourself. And that's what I can do and help you through coaching. So the state of being that you're in right now versus the state of becoming. So the state of becoming is where I am right now. I'm kind of in limbo. It's like this temporary place that I'm at. Like I'm I in the middle, almost of who I was and who I'm becoming, like, I'm about 50% there. And, and you're gonna start seeing for yourself as you are in full awareness of where you are now, the state of being your current state of being versus who you want to become.
11:38 And then you can start moving on this ladder. And then you, you look back sometimes and go, whoa, I've come so far. Or, wow. I still have a long way to go. Actually, this is like truly the gap between these two states. It's like, okay, I'm taking one area of my life. And it is my career. And I'm looking at where I was just a few months ago, right. That was, that was status quo back then, right? That's the level I was living at. And there were a lot of beliefs that I had to unravel there. A lot of conditioning that I had to unlearn. There were things that I remember being told as a child, like women don't accomplish much. They have to be in the home. All their they're they're put on this earth to do is to raise the children, have the children, raise the children and, and take care of the home.
12:30 Right. And that's my culture. That was my subculture. So I don't wanna generalize all Mexican American families, but in my subculture, that was typical. It's what we saw. And then mom came along and said, actually not really. So there was these contradictions in, in my beliefs. And so I had to unlearn a lot of those things because at that current status quo at that current state of being, I was not striving for more. I had, I had settled into being a coach, being a consultant, you know, loving this, which I absolutely love. But I, I, I felt there was this nudge. There was something moving me forward and saying, actually, there's something more you can could do. And I had to ask myself, what could that be? Write a book. You mean become a published author and publish my book in a major publishing house.
13:27 Like what? This is a possibility. Well, sure many women have many Mexican American women have many women of color or have. So I was looking for evidence of it so that my brain could see, all right, pipe down brain. There are women out there who have done this, who have created amazing companies and businesses around a book around their body of work around this valuable piece of, of, of content or a piece of work. You can do this too. And so I had to unlearn a lot of things and learn new things, meaning the beliefs I had to believe differently of my capabilities, of my certainty, of my confidence. I had to believe different at a different level than before. And so when I was at that state of being, I, I had to get curious and I had to ask myself, what are what's possible here for me?
14:27 There's a nudge. I know I, I want more and it's not about deserving or being worthy of that's clear. It's, it's the, and there's a little angst in that desire too. There was a little bit of, Ooh, like, oh, let's go already. So it was a combination of desire and angst in the best way possible. And so at that state of being, I had to do a few things to move the needle, to help me move on this ladder because I needed to look into the future. And that future was a published author, creating valuable content, creating value for of this world that only I can do the only way I can with my own point of view, with my own personal experience, professional experiences, with my gifts, with my talents, with my knowledge, with my wisdom, there is a book that has been written by me and it is going to help so many women.
15:31 And that's the vision. That's the future self that I am working towards. But the brain at times was saying, you know, status quo is not that bad. You're kind of amazing already, are you sure you need that book? Well, again, I had to answer my brain and it wasn't about worth. It was wasn't about being worthy. It was about having a strong desire and, and really getting curious about that desire and wanting something different. But the brain is so interesting. It will, and it is designed to keep you comfortable. It is designed to keep you safe. It is designed for you not to feel fear. The second you feel fear it, you to go numb out, suppress it or distract yourself. So I had to do a lot of the, the neurology work, the disrupting of neurology. First of all, giving myself permission that I could wander into the future that I could visualize and be creative and fantasize and all the things that have been in the brain.
16:34 I gave myself permission to go there. And once I got used to that new emotion, that emotion of desire and angst and excitement and like this, like, fuck yell, let's go attitude. All that energy. Once I, I started to normalize it in my nervous system, norm normalize it in my body. That's when I agreed to move forward with taking action towards that goal. So, so think about where you are right now, the current state of being your homeostasis, the status quo your current life and pick maybe one area of your life. If it's it's multiple areas of your life, I don't want your brain to get overwhelmed. Pick the one area of your life. What do you want to accomplish in this area? What do you want to change in this area? What is possible for you in this area? What are you desiring? What nudges are you receiving from God, from the universe from source?
17:32 What are you inspir to do right now in a particular area of your life and, and go into the future. You have permission my friend to go into the future. It's only in your mind, you know, you get creative, you get, you get excited and you fantasize about what, what could be, what are the possibilities and you, my friend are the only person that can create those possibilities. And it all starts in the mind. It all starts in a human's mind. I mean, that's you think about what's been created in this world mankind, man-made it all started with that? Person's imagination with that person's beliefs with that. Person's creativity with that. Person's inspiration. So start looking at what you want to create for yourself in your life and who knows maybe what you create actually transform the world. I don't know. You could be the first to do it.
18:32 I don't know, but it would be so fun to do it just because you can, you know, we have suppressed our desires far too long. We have put them on the shelf. We we've said we'll deal with that next week. And then it turns into months and then years, right? We have told ourselves that the kids come first, that, that is priority right now. This is the season we're in and they're they come first. And then a lot of us, you know, tell ourselves not until they're in high school. And then some of us say, well, not until they're out of the house. It's like, really? So we keep kicking the can of our desires down the road until the trash collector comes, picks it up. And then the desire's gone. It's extinguished. And then you realize you go back into the, into your past and you, you tell yourself, wow.
19:19 I remember when I dreamt that and I really, really wanted to do that. And I really wanted to go and get my education for that. Or I really wanted to start my business, or I really wanted to lose that hundred pounds, or I really wanted to divorce this fucker. Right? Like, so all these things that you're thinking about become regret, right? Sometimes resentment, sometimes bitterness, but it was, you are doing my friend. So let's stop kicking the can down the road. Yeah. Let's stop kicking that until next week or next year or years from now, let's stop right here right now and see for ourselves what is possible for us. And the brain's gonna come up with all the reasons why you shouldn't. Okay. But we're gonna tell that brain to pipe down. It's like, okay, Brian, you've given me a lot to think about, you've given me a lot of negative things to contemplate, but I'm gonna give my brain equal air time on the positive things.
20:19 So thank you. So pipe down. Now we're gonna focus on what is possible and get excited from that state. So what is your current state of being and who are you wanting to become? What is that few yourself that you want to become? So there's that gap right? Where you are right now and, and who you want to become. Right? And so for me, I'm in that limbo stage. I'm in that, that like purgatory, it feels like it's like, Ugh, there's so much still unraveling. Right? Unlearning the things. But I get to look back often daily, maybe I look back, I'm like, wow, look how far I've come. And I've said this many times, I'm not the same person. I was a few weeks ago. I'm constantly moving the needle, always a approaching life with curiosity, always looking at what is possible for myself, for my family, for my, my clients.
21:14 I'm always looking at well, what if we dream a little bigger? Wow. What, what would that look like? My goodness, what results could we create? What's the legacy we're gonna create the ripple effects and generations to come that we could create because we, he made a decision to stop kicking that damn can down the road, right? What can we create from where we're at today? Well, my answer is everything and anything you want, but that gap, that gap where you are now and who you want to become. That's the gap we need to mind. My friend, we have to mind into the gap because here is where a lot of people fall off the radar. They give up on their dreams. They give up on becoming this new version of themselves, cuz it will require conscious attention. You will have to discipline your mind because the brain is on default.
22:05 It automates everything. Automates your thinking, automates your habits, automates your emotions, your actions, my goodness. Everything's on autopilot. So if your current state of being right status quo was created by your automated thinking, automated beliefs, your, your default brain, don't you it's time. Then to look at what we can do differently. Because if you want something different in your life, you're gonna have to do something different. My friend, right? We do not wanna keep creating what we've been creating. We wanna create something new. So that is going to require a few things. So I have a few ideas for you. And these are the things that I'm currently doing. I highly recommend you follow this. I highly recommend you get the help that you need. I'm here for you every step of the way. So here is how you can manage your mind on your way to becoming this new version of yourself, right?
23:09 Who you want to become. Is it a published author? Is it a, a, a graduate student? Is it someone in a relationship? Is it someone becoming a mother? Is it someone becoming a lawyer? Who are you wanting to become? That's the state of becoming that we are talking about and the gap, the gap between where you are now and your journey to becoming that person. So here are a few things that I want for you to consider. Number one, it takes time. I know I have to like slow down as I say that because Hmm, that's been my biggest lesson in this whole process of becoming, because things, school especially has been very, very natural, organic, and not always easy, but you know, I, I loved that challenge. I, by the time I was in, in the PhD program, I had already trained my brain to handle challenge and to handle failure and to handle the imposter syndrome.
24:09 There were so many things that I, you know, was still learning at every level, but my nervous system was adjust, has had been adjusted to it. So I I've always put myself in very, um, interesting situations where I get to challenge my neuro. I get to stretch the boundaries of my brain and my beliefs, especially. And so that is something that I've programmed my body to doing. But at every level of success, there's, there's different versions of that discomfort. I have to tell you. And so that first thing I said, it takes time. Please know that it takes time. It is worth the journey and it is worth taking your time in creating this next foundation for this next level of identity that you are becoming. So it takes time, do not rush the process, trust it, do the work to identify what you want to become, who you want to become and know that the journey is going to be long.
25:15 It's a marathon. It's not a sprint. My friend, for those of you who like sprinting good for you. But this is a process that is not going to allow for sprinting to take place. If you wanna change your neurology, that takes time to create new neuro pathways, to create new habits, new ways of thinking, new, emotional loops, emotional habits, even your actions. There's, there's so much that has to happen in the, in the brain itself. And that takes time. So number one, it takes time. Number two, it feels like shit. It is the most discomfort I have ever felt. The bigger the becoming I want to, I want to become the bigger, the, the more discomfort I have to tell you, uh, you know, I've done some great shit in my life, but this is the, by far, the most uncomfortable because of, of the gravity of this goal of who I'm, I'm wanting to become.
26:22 Because again, my brain has, has no nowhere to retrieve from the past to draw any parallels. It, it, it cannot take the evidence from my past because I've, I've never created a goal like this before. I've created some major things in my life. Fantastic. Okay. I've got the persistence. I got the re the resiliency. I have handled the way to, to manage resistance, but this goal, my brain has never seen before. So it has come up with a whole lot of reasons why it's not worth it. And I call bullshit on it. And so I want for you to understand it feels uncomfortable and it may feel uncomfortable all away to the end. And that's okay because you'll have the tools to manage the discomfort. Okay? Number three, stay conscious, meaning be careful with the default brain. It's gonna wanna revert back to what's been automated.
27:18 What you've created before. It's it wants to stay in the cave. It wants for you to hide. It doesn't want for you to be seen. It wants for you to entertain the idea of fraudulent, of being an imposter. It's going to want to entertain the idea of fear, of being judged, of being ridiculed. It may even entertain the idea that you're not worthy and that you're not enough to do this, that you need more credentials to do it. Let me tell you my brain presented all that crap to me. So stay conscious, stay on top of it. And you can tell yourself that's all right, brain. Again, you gave me a lot of negative things to contemplate, but now I'm gonna give myself some positive things to contemplate. So thank you. Let's just put that on the shelf for just a little bit, cuz I have some really ex citing things I wanna contemplate here.
28:06 So stay conscious. That's what I mean. Stick to your, your prefrontal cortex, your decision making part of your brain instead of the default brain that is driven by wanting you to stay safe. All right. Number four, be responsible for your emotions. Be responsible for the actions that you take from these emotions. Just be responsible. This is adulting. This is what we do as adults. We take emotional responsibility. So as you're going on this journey, and again, you're minding the gap you're between where you are today and where you wanna be at every stage at every milestone. Make sure you're taking responsibility for the emotions that you are feeling and the actions you're taking from those emotions. Listen, it feels like shit. It will be uncomfortable. You let the urge or that emotion process in your body about 90 seconds is all it takes. It's really your thinking and looping and ruminating that keeps the emotion stuck in your body.
29:14 So let it process, let it just go through your body. You're gonna feel it somewhere. A feeling is a physiological response to an emotion. You're gonna feel it somewhere in your body and just take risk responsibility for it. And that just looks like, okay, I'm gonna sit here with it. I'm feeling some kind of fear right now. Maybe it's a little bit of fear of being seen, being heard. And when I'm seen and heard, maybe I fear being judged and rejected even so, okay. So here are some emotions that are coming up. Wow. Like this is interesting. Okay. Well this could be a transient thought that I choose to have, or I can ruminate over it. What do I choose at this moment? Well, you know, I have some really the important things to do today. I'm just gonna let this be transient and let it move through my brain and let the emotion or the feeling move through my body.
30:09 That's it. And you let it go. You become responsible for what you're feeling. Cuz if you don't, you take action or inaction from that emotion of fear, which is gonna set us back even further, we're not gonna take action forward. We're not gonna take steps forward because we're not taking responsibility for what's happening in that moment. So my friend stay conscious. Remember that was, that was number three, but number four, be responsible for your emotions. And the last, my friend is recommit at every stage on this journey, recommit to yourself. Remember why you were compelled to do this, go back into your brain, into your mind's eye and visualize that future self that you are becoming conjure up. Those leaves in those emotions. And when you are in a state of becoming it's an energetic state in your body and you take action forward. Yes, it is so delicious to recommit.
31:16 And I do this every day. I have to go back and recommit because yo life is interesting right now. You know, I got a husband in Ukraine right now, helping refugees. So like my brain wants to go into let's just binge eat a Netflix and forget all my clients and forget about, you know, my organizations that I'm serving right now. Let's just forget about all that. Yeah. Right. I have very important things to do and I'm not going to let my default brain control my life anymore. Status quo was so uncomfortable for me, that desire that was nudging to come through that was wanting to be seen and to be exposed. I, I, I needed to give it airtime. I needed to let it see the light of day. And I had to do that intentionally and to deliberately. So my friend, you can do this too.
32:07 Again, the state of being where you are today versus the state of becoming who do you want to become in what area of your life are you choosing this in? And again, those steps that I shared with you. Number one, it takes time, have some grace and reverence for yourself. My friend, number two, it feels like shit. It's very uncomfortable. Expect it. Don't suppress it. Don't tell yourself it should be easy. No, it's not easy. It's it's uncomfortable. Number three, stay conscious. Careful with that default brain, it's gonna wanna keep you safe. Number four, take emotional responsibility. Okay. Be responsible for managing your thoughts, managing your emotions and the actions you take from those emotions. Let them be transient. If it's, if it's something that is like a, like a belief that is just stuck in your neurology and it is tightly wound in your neurology, I can help you unravel that.
33:05 That's for sure. And then number five recommit every day. If you have to, it's worth the journey. My friend, this is worth the journey you are worthy. That's not even a question that we need to contemplate, but I just wanna remind you. You are up where you're at today and you have great desire. And those desires deserve to see the light of day they deserve to be entertained and you deserve to do whatever it is that you want in becoming this new version of yourself. All right, can't wait to hear from you. Let me know what your thoughts are. DM me over on. I G at Dr. Denise Simpson. Thanks for your time. I'll see you next week. Fiber. Now,
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