00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power. So they can lead like visionaries influence with grace and create a, a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems, navigating their success in life, business, and career. If you are ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.
00:47 Hey, welcome. Springhouse sprung my friend. So happy. It's windy here in the ATX. We are experiencing like red flag warning days. I mean, actually it's been weeks now. So a lot of wind coming through the last few weeks, really, really bonkers, but it's a gorgeous day today. We had some rain showers early this morning and now the sun is out and birds are so happy and I am so happy. You know, I'm not someone who gets persuaded or influenced by my environment. I keep everything pretty neutral and today, however, it was nice to just use the sun for, for some therapy for meditation. I spent a few hours this morning outside and I, I needed to just be connected to mother nature, connected to the weather are connected to the plants, connected to the roses, connected to the birds. My PS, I, I needed that.
01:49 My soul was calling for that. And I think it's, you know, because of what's happening, um, in my personal life with my husband, he being in Ukraine right now, helping, uh, back and forth to Poland and Ukraine. And so he is, um, in both those con both those countries, um, multiple times during the week to help refugees and, and to, um, serve them medically. And you know, I'm always on standby here. I'm always listening to the news. Well, that's not true. I'm not always, let me be very clear. I a, I do limit my, my consumption of the news and I'm very particular with where I get it because whoa, you know, the, if it's not bloody or gory, it's not news. And so I have to be very careful with, with how much consumption and where I consume my information, but I am on standby on the phone.
02:44 I, I, I wait for him to call he texts. We call we video chat, um, a few times a week, but we do speak every single day. That was kind of the agreement was that we would speak once a day, at least so that I know he was safe and I have really needed to focus on my self care the past week or so. And well, since we last spoke, I know I've been giving you an update since he's been gone. And the update today is that I really needed this new season to, to really replenish my energy. And I did use mother nature today, the grass, the environment, the birds, even, you know, the wind that came through after the rain today and, and spending time with the pops to just really disconnect from technology disconnect from the messaging disconnect from my old internal ruminating thoughts, my old internal emotional loops.
03:51 I I'm very self aware of, of when my brain goes on default mode and all of the negativity that comes rushing up to my conscious mind. And so I need to take good care of myself because I take very good care of my leaders. My leaders are counting on me and that is my radical responsibility. I take radical responsibility for self care and to setting the boundaries for myself so that I can really show up for my clients and boundaries for me, look like saying no saying, Nope, not today. Nope. I'm not going to join you for that event. Nope. I will not take you on as a client. No, I will not do that. No, I will not take that podcast episode. No, I will not be your guest on a video chat. Nope, cannot do that today. And the power of no has been really, really transforming this time around.
04:49 And I, I tell my clients, no, say no to people, right? That's a boundary. No, I will not compromise my integrity. I will not compromise soul. I will not sacrifice for this job or that, you know, board position or that, you know, nonprofit work. I do like no, no, no, no is the best sentence that a woman leader can take on. And I have found that to be really, really powerful in the last few weeks in, in that I need some additional self care and, you know, we, women leaders, um, some of us are people pleasers. You know, a lot of us have climbed a corporate ladder because we wanna make sure everybody's happy and we wanna make sure that we do a great job and that they think we do a great job and that we get promoted because they think we do a great job.
05:44 And so we are making sure everybody's pleased and happy with our performance. And, and so people pleasing is something that, um, you know, we, we share, we share that that characteristic and the power of no being a complete sentence has really, really kept my brain online, has kept my emotional brain. Also online. I have been emotionally regulated. I have taken even an extra step in, in watching my nutrition and, and making sure I consume, you know, food that will not, you know, cause brain fog will not get me anxious or, or, you know, mess with my blood sugar levels. I, I wanna make sure that I'm putting good quality food in my body and I'm exercising now more than, than my normal weekly scheduled program. I am really, really being hyper conscious of the self care I need right now. And the power of no has been very, very important.
06:53 And so I wanna talk to you about the power of no. And your particular boundary is as a woman leader, someone who many people rely on and not just in the organization, but in her private life as a mother, as a partner, as a lover, as a wife. So it's important that we look at what boundaries you need in all aspects of your life. And the two aspects really that I wanna talk about today is your personal life, right? Your motherhood, if you are a mother or your personal care in your personal, private time in your personal life and the boundaries that you have in the organization, are they benefiting you or are they benefiting others, right? Are you com yourself in certain situations? You know, if your CEO asks you to do something specific and it's a weekend event and he needs you by his side, you don't say no, because you feel obligated, which then takes time from your personal life, your family life.
07:56 And so there you are compromising yourself or sacrificing time with the family for yet another career event, or what if your child has an obligation somewhere that, you know, you need to, you need to help him with, or you need to take him into town for, you know, it's, it goes outta your way. It is interfering in family time. It's interfering in your rest time. But because it's your kid and you feel guilty because you don't spend enough time with him, you go and do what he wants you to do, right? So there you are compromising your self care for this kid that you love. It's exhausting. And then you start, you know, resenting people and then you start resenting yourself for not having clear boundaries. So the point of today is to talk about your boundaries. I have very clear boundaries when it comes to my clients, I have clear boundaries when it comes to my spouse.
08:57 I have clear boundaries when it comes to my children. I have very clear boundaries when it comes to my extended family members. I have boundaries for everything for social media, for email, for media consumption, for news consumption, you know, boundaries for Nutri. I mean, I have boundaries for just about every aspect of my life, I think. Yeah. And boundaries are just a way of self care. Really is it's knowing what your needs are and loving yourself through those needs. And loving yourself looks like saying no to some people say no to some events say no to compromising yourself or your integrity. You know, it's putting those boundaries. And that also tells people, oh, she's not to be messed with. Oh, that's right. She doesn't like to be called on the weekend. We'll wait until Monday morning to check in with our boss or no, actually it's 5, 5 30.
09:58 And, um, no, she's on her way home. And I'll just deal with it and, and report to her tomorrow morning, right? This tells people how to treat you. And I always say, show, 'em how to treat you. That's our job. Show them how to treat us, do the, they treat us with respect or are they breaking boundaries? Are you letting them break the boundaries? So they're, they're used to treating you in a certain way and disrespecting you in a certain way or challenge you challenging you in a certain way because you don't have boundaries. And so it's, it's really finding self-awareness of what your needs are in the context of your life, right? Is it in your wellness and nutrition? Is it in your intimacy? Is it perhaps, maybe in the organization? So there's always an area of our lives that doesn't get a lot of attention and there's seasons of that, right?
10:58 I mean, it's hard to keep up with every single aspect of your life, especially when you're running organizations like you are or departments or divisions or regions like you are. And so sometimes family life may, may not be as inspiring and may not be as healthy because you're us on another area of your life. And that's okay. But I want for us to, to look across the board here and choose an area of your life, where you wanna really dive into and focus. It's, it's the one that's probably ailing you at the moment. It's the one that's causing some discomfort, maybe even some pain. And if you're at the level of suffering, just know that we can still do something about it. So what is that area that you wanna focus on? And that's the area that we want to evaluate. We wanna look at what's the current situation.
11:54 What is it that I do desire and what boundaries will I need to get me to that desired state of being, what do those boundaries look like? No phone calls after five 30 from your staff, no interaction with your staff on the weekends. You tell your CEO or your leader that you can't do something during the week because you have family obligations. You know, is it you telling your spouse? I don't want any social gatherings in my house. When I come home at night, I want to have, you know, dinner on the table at a certain time. And I want for the kids to, to be in bed by a certain time. And you know, this may be distracting our, our routine. And I want you to stop that, you know, or saying to your spouse, no, I won't do that. I won't do that in the bedroom.
12:45 I won't do that to my body. I won't do that for you. Or what if it's telling your children, we don't do that after 8:00 PM or put all your phones right here in this basket and you'll get them tomorrow morning. Here are some boundaries that I'm setting for us for our mental wellbeing, so that we can rejuvenate and replenish and, and calm our, a amygdalas, calm our brain down and, and power it down at night so that we can show up tomorrow, fully and, and completely aware and present of, of our responsibilities. Right? What are your boundaries? What do you need to put in place to self protect, to self care, to self sooth, to self-love? So what another way of looking at this is what will I invite more and less of in my life and in that particular area of your life, what do I want to invite in that's energetic?
13:43 That's maybe even replenishing that is rejuvenating and equally, what is it that I want to exit? What do I want less of? And this will help, help you formulate what boundaries that you need to put in place for, and the reasons why it's important for you to put these boundaries. That's a, self-evaluation. I want you to come to this, this context with, what do I want more of and what do I want less of right now in this one area of my life? So for example, how health and wellness, I want more organic, good quality nutritious foods. I mean, I have been craving vegetables the last few weeks. I have been craving, you know, fruits and vegetables that are grown in, in root, you know, rooted vegetables and rooted, you know, um, fruits. Like, I, I don't know something about mother nature to me is, is really calling me.
14:43 And anything that it has roots or was grown with a root system has been really just appealing to me. And, and my grand mouth is watering right now. I want an apple from an apple tree. Like I wanna go pick an orange, pick a lemon, cut, open an avocado. Like I just I'm like so, so excited about my vegetables and my fruit intake right now. And trust me, I'm not a big veggie or fruit eater, but I have become a little more connected to rooting myself into really knowing who I am. And I think rooting myself in the power of no, has really gotten me to where I'm anchoring and rooting myself into, you know, solid for like, I wanna be concrete. I wanna be solid for my husband while he's away. I wanna be solid with my clients, for my clients. Like I wanna root myself in the earth.
15:42 And I think that's the connection I'm making with vegetables and with fruits, listen, I do a lot of meditation. And for me, it's, you know, visual visualizing roots into the core of, of earth and, and letting those roots just run wild. Um, and that's just the way I connect with the collective consciousness. It's my spiritual practice. And I, I've always been rooted in that idea of connect to others. And so, because of these last few weeks, not having my husband here and not feeling secure, not feeling safe, feeling afraid of his life, you know, for his life and afraid of, you know, what's going to happen. Right. We don't know what's happening. You know, it, it's just this idea of rooting myself somewhere. And so I'm, I'm being called to just filling my body up with these nutritious, delicious fruits and vegetables. Yeah. So that's the connection I made to that.
16:47 And so that for me, is wanting more of wanting more of that in my health and wellness in my nutrition. And I want less of the processed food, less of the sugary drinks, the sugary stuff. I want less of that artificial stuff. I want more organic and natural filling, delicious, nutritious, healthy foods. I wanna fill my body, fill my brain, fill my soul in every, sell in my body with nutrition. So I want more of this and less of that. And I want for you to evaluate whatever area of your life that is troubling you or, or you're having discomfort in and focus on that question. What do I want more of and what do I want less of and do some journal writing pen paper is the best, best meditative prayer for, for, for us remove technology, remove your phones, put that aside and get pen and paper and your glasses.
17:46 If you're like me and take some notes down, and that's the prompt, that's your writing prompt right now is to write down what you want more of and what you want less of. So at the top of your page, and I'm doing that now at the top of my page, I'm putting health and wellness. And on one side of the column, I'm putting what I want more of. And on the other side of the column, less what I want less of and start writing down, whatever comes to mind and just jot it down, because this will help you understand what your current narrative is, what your current reality is. And the desired state is really what you want. Less of that's, that's where we wanna move towards what we want less of. So, so that we can become something else so that we can change a habit so that we can create a new way of thinking.
18:36 So we can, you know, isolate a belief that we want to embed, right? That's a desired future state. What do we want less of that's where you wanna go and knowing that will provide you the information you need to determine what boundaries you need to put in place. And the first boundary I want for you to put in place is no, no is a complete sentence. That's boundary number one. And on the, you know, the second half of that page on that same page, second part of that page, write down boundaries as your header and what boundaries are you going to put in place so that you can have less of this and more of that. So if I want less processed food, my boundary then is no more fast food drive through stops no more, you know, buying sugary shit at Starbucks, no more, you know, not planning ahead of time because I, you know, sometimes there's weeks where I don't plan my food intake and I'm on a whim.
19:46 I'm like, oh, well, we'll see what happens on this day. I'll just go and pick up a salad for me. It's salads through the drive through, I don't do any other crap for me. It's always a salad, Schatzki salad or a water burger salad. Those are my go-to drive through things. Starbucks, however, is a whole other story. Okay. So what is the boundary that I'm gonna put on myself? Right? So it's the self boundaries and then it's boundaries for others, right? So for others, my husband is, there's just like, there's a no, there's a hell no, to buying anything other than salads through the drive through, right. If he suggests, well, let's go to Chipotle. Let's go to no, no, no, no, no. There are only two things that I will stand for through the drive through. And it's a shots, ski salad and a water burger salad.
20:32 And if he comes up with this other crap, I go, well, let's go get pizza. No, no, no, no, no. We're not doing that. These are my boundaries. And so the boundaries for self are for you, right? To self honor, honor yourself. What are you gonna do to honor and obey yourself? Those are your self boundaries versus others. And the boundaries you put on them again. Number one is the no, no is a complete sentence. And then start brainstorming what you need for self discipline, self boundaries and boundaries for others, right? What will not tolerate anymore, right? Show them how to treat you. That's the idea here and make, make it so clear to these people. These are the boundaries. You cross them, we will discuss consequences, but this is what I want you to obey. You love me. And you care about this relationship.
21:30 These are the boundaries that you will not cross. It's setting clear expectations for your followers, for your family members, for others outside of your brain, right? But you also need to consider self obey, right? Self honoring because we Dishon ourselves on a daily basis. We tell ourselves we're gonna do something. And then we hold others to a higher standard, but we don't do that for ourselves. So careful with that, my friend, careful with that. So again, self boundaries and boundaries for others. Those are the other two columns that you'll put under that second header of boundaries. Okay. This is the exercise to bring conscious awareness to what it is you want to create what it is. You want more of what you want less of and what it is you'll tolerate or not. This is the conscious work that we do here on this podcast. And, and any work that we do together, it's really bringing your brain online so that you could see for yourself what you've been doing on default. That's all. That's what we do lead self first. And that's what you're doing here. My friend. All right. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I sure did. Listen. I'm here for you, DME over at Dr. Denise Simpson, happy to receive your comments or your DMS. All right. Have a fantastic rest of your week. Take good care.
22:58 Hey, before you go, I have a special gift to share with you. It is my exclusive guide on the 15 values of a masterful leader. That's right. These values are what drive. Every decision you make, they motivate every action you take as a leader. So don't leave this to chance. You gotta know what 15 values masterful leaders use to develop their influence, inspire their followers and impact their organizations. So head over to my show notes, grab this exclusive guide as AP it'll be delivered in your email box as soon as possible. I'll see you inside.