00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power. So they can lead like visionaries influence with grace and create a, a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems, navigating their success in life, business, and career. If you are ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.
00:47 My friend, let's talk about the stories you tell yourself about yourself. What is the ongoing longest story you have said about your self either to yourself or to others? The narratives that we tell that we ruminate over that are running the unconscious mind. Those are the narratives that I wanna pick out today. The, those are the narratives at the unconscious level that drive our decisions. They create our values. They create our belief systems. They motivate us or not to take action or inaction in our lives. It is the narrative that I want us to pinpoint today. The primary one, the one that is causing the most harm in your life and by harm. I mean pain, I mean suffering, I mean discomfort. I mean, fear. I mean, anguish, I mean, fill in the blank. If you're trying to get a result, result in your life, especially in your leadership. I want for us to look at the narrative that is driving the actions and behaviors that are creating that result. It is the narrative. It's the stories that we tell ourselves about ourselves that are the most important to evaluate. And sometimes challenge.
02:31 There is a narrative that I had to disrupt. It started in my youth and the narrative was that I was the, the girl in the family who was the dark skinned fat gap, toothed, nonspeaking, English, cousin, or sister. I was that chick. That was my label that I internalized from the people around me, which were my family members, which were my cousins, my extended family. I remembered always being called Brita Mo or go, which is dark skinned and fat. You translate that in English. That's what that means. I was the dark fat girl. I was the one that didn't speak English until I was seven or eight years old. I was the one that looked different from my sisters. I was one who didn't sound like my cousins. I was the outsider. I never felt like I belonged in my family. That was the narrative that I took on as a child because of the actions, the behaviors, and the word that were told to me as a child.
04:05 I mean, where would I have gotten all of that? Where, where could I have created that harmful narrative, but from the family, from my first role models, from my parent or guardians from those that I spent the most time in my youth, the ones that I looked up to, the ones that I admired, even though they called me names, the ones that I was loving and seeking love from while they were calling me fat or dark or dumb, because I couldn't speak English. The narrative that I created was that I'm different and I don't belong. That was the narrative that carried me into my early experiences. As a leader, I wanted to upon leaving my hometown and going to college. I wanted to find a subject, a discipline, a career that had me standing above the rest. And I don't mean in like this crazy dictator, you know, tyrannical like person, but someone who was distinguished from the pack, the one with status, the one who worked harder than others, the one who was ready to shoulder the responsibilities of a leader.
05:35 So I picked a subject, a discipline that would force me to get out of that discomfort out that narrative of being an outsider, someone who does not belong because she's different. I said, well, if I'm gonna be different, then I'm gonna be different in this way. I'm gonna be so different that people are going to look at me and say, wow, when you were a kid, I thought you were dumb as a box of rocks. Now look at you. Wow. You are pretty different. Now that was the narrative that I wanted to a create for myself because I was done with the suffering I was done with the ridicule. I was done, not feeling like I belonged in my own skin.
06:30 I chose a discipline that set me apart from the rest. And this is what I call leadership. I chose leadership. I found ways to lead the pack. I found ways to be a trailblazer, a torch bearer. I found ways to look back and guide my followers on the path to look back and give my followers a hand to look back and say, let's go. I got you. You belong here. We do things like this because we belong together. That has always been my ultimate mission as a leader is to make others feel like they belong. You're different like me, we're on this journey together where we belong together. We're going to do this together because we're different. We're unique.
07:31 That was my ultimate drive, going into leadership. When I was, you know, freshman in college, I remembered having to declare a major. And I said, well, I don't care for politics. I don't care for English literature. I don't care for medicine or science. I really do care about administration and leading. And what does it take to become a transformational leader? I wanna pay the discipline. That has me feeling empowered, where I am empowered and therefore empower others. And I chose a bachelor's in business administration with a concentration in leadership and administration. That's exactly what I did. And I worked my little tail off with a work ethic that is unchallenged. I have to tell you I've been working since I was 16 years old. I've always had a part-time job through high school and then through college. And then full-time right before graduating in college at 20 years old.
08:45 I mean, they gave me the keys to a bath and body work store at 19 years old. So I was a store manager. Yep. I was a store manager at 19. What, like I, I look back and go, wow. The guts. I had to run a multimillion dollar store, one of the highest selling, producing stores in my district in, in one of the biggest cities in the country. I mean, I, I look back and go. I just don't know what I was thinking, what guts I had really, truly. I believed in myself. I really did. I changed the narrative so that I could believe in myself because no one else believed in me before I left home. Before I started my college career, I chose the narrative. I decided to create a new story, a story where I was empowered, a story where I was in control of my feelings, of my thoughts of my actions and the results that I would create in my life.
09:54 I said, that's it. The only time I'll look back is to say, I love you is to tell all of my people, all of my family, even my culture, my subculture, along the Texas Mexican border, that I love them. Thank you. I love you. That's the only time I look back, I love you. And thank you because I was too busy looking forward, creating a new narrative. And so what I want us to do today together is to challenge the narrative that you have been carrying into your leadership. What is this narrative? Is it one very similar to mine? Is it one where you were bullied by your own fan? I mean, I had my sisters saying that I was adopted. They would tell people, new people, family, you know, friends of the family. Oh, you know, she's adopted, look at her. She looks nothing like us.
10:52 She's adopted. I mean, I, for many years I questioned I'm must be adopted. I really, I really must be adopted. Like I don't act like them. I don't look like them. I'm different. I don't belong in this family. I'm adopted. I mean, seriously, truly. This was an ongoing story because of what I was told, I was the cousin who didn't speak English until seven or eight years old. And I wasn't spoken to because I couldn't communicate with them. And here's the, the cold, hard facts. My friend, I knew English. I chose not to speak it because my grandmother couldn't and I loved her so dearly. And she was my first love. My grandmother Lev is, is my first love. And I wanted to honor her and not disrespect her. So when, so when the cousins would come from out of town or out of state, I would choose not to speak English so that my grandmother wouldn't see me as one of them. So the narratives that were swirling in my brain were all influenced and inspired by my youth, by those, in my family. By those that I, I loved and adored by my own family members.
12:17 I want for you now to look at the narrative that you're bringing from that time in your life, what was, what was the biggest story? What are the, I want you to identify the one I know there's so many, I have have so many stories that I had to really retell and re-author, but that was the big one that I didn't belong. I was different. And here's why I'm different and why I don't belong. That's the narrative, the primary one. I want for you to identify your primary narrative. What is the story that you've been carrying and is that story, or has that story helped you? And sometimes it has, like, in my case, of course, I chose to change the narrative to, okay. I'm different. And here's why I'm different. Now got to write that part of the narrative. Right? I kept that I was different.
13:19 I kept that, you know, I may not belong in the average group. Right. But the second part of that story is, here's why I'm empowering myself to empower my followers. We're here to make a change here, to impact culture. We're here to ch help others change their narratives along this journey of leadership. That's the narrative. That's the part of the narrative that I changed. Call me different. All you want. You can tell me I don't belong. I don't give a shit. I'm going to create a place where I do belong. And those that don't feel like they belong can come along with me. That's fine. Society has told me that I don't belong in leadership because of what I look like because of what I sound like. And because I have ovaries straight up, but guess what? I'm in this industry, I'm in this discipline because there's a better way to, to lead.
14:17 There's a better way to treat women in leadership. And it starts with the woman leader and, and helping her identify what she wants, who she truly is as different, as unique, where she's didn't belong in certain groups. She's right here next to me. And we're both taking charge of the narrative we have, re-author our lives. And for those that want to rewrite their stories, come on, come on with us. I got you. We got you. That's. What I want for us is to re-author rewrite chapters in our lives. We get to do that. No one gets to tell us otherwise. I mean, I, I remember telling my sister how painful that experience was when she would tell people that I was adopted and she brushed it off. God bless her. I love her unconditional love. Let me tell you. And she discrediting. That was fine.
15:21 I'm like, yeah, cool. Like that's, you know, that's your perspective. You were kidding. It. Wasn't a big deal. You know, didn't, didn't really care what I had to say at that time. And I just said, yeah, that was my narrative, your narrative. It was that it wasn't a big deal. My narrative was it sure the hell was right. So her narrative is different than what I wrote and that's okay. Cuz it's my fucking story to tell, not hers. It's not her story to write or rewrite for me. No, that's where I'm empowered. That's where you are empowered to rewrite the story in the way you want to read it, you get to decide the characters. You get to decide the arc. You get to decide the obstacles, the turbulence, the things that you had to overcome on your journey and the damn result. You get to choose that you get to rewrite that for yourself. And that's exactly what I did. I rewrote the damn story to where I am the heroin. I am the woman on top. I am the one who succeeded despite what her culture, what her society, what her family told her was possible.
16:43 So my friend identify that ongoing, the longest narrative that you have been ruminating over that has in creating results in your life that you are ready to change. What is that narrative? Write it down. Listen, here's the assignment. The assignment is get a pen and paper. You know me, I I'm a, I'm a writer I'm left to write with a pen and paper. Forget my laptop. I am always with a tablet. I'm with a pen and I'm always writing down my thoughts. Something interesting pops up. I write it down. Something that's uncomfortable. I write it down. Something that I wanna change. I write it down a result. I, I wanna create, I write it down. So here's the assignment. Write down that narrative for you. What is it? Who is the character? Is it you who are the villains? And we can call 'em villains.
17:39 I'm okay with that. You should be okay with that too. There were people out there doing things to us with, you know, that were not, I don't think purposely in, you know, or intentionally being cruel to us. That's just who they were. Right. It's up to us to then rewrite it to where they aren't villains. They were just, you know, the, the catalysts in our lives to get us to where we're at today, whatever. However you wanna reframe that. If villain is such a strong word and, and doesn't sit well with you, that's fine. Listen, I, I had villains. Okay. I had villains and now they were just, you know, little pebbles in the road that I kicked, you know, I kicked to the side of the road. I'm like, get the hell outta here. You know, I'm, I'm here. Walk in along. I'm not about to trip over that damn rock.
18:31 Let's go kick it to the side. And that's what they turned out to be from me, pebbles on the road, little rocks that I just kicked over. And I kept rewriting the story to where I benefited from all of that. So that the pain and so suffering wasn't in vain. Yeah. Okay. Think about that. So that all that was for nothing. Yeah. Like I needed to make sure that it had a meaning, all that pain, that bullying, that suffering had a meaning. And here's the meaning that I am rewriting. So what is that for you? Right? Get that down on paper. Who is the main character, obviously? It's you? Who are the villains? Write that down. What is the main theme? What is the plot? What is the main plot of this narrative? Again, for me, it was that I D I don't belong. I don't belong because I'm different.
19:29 That's the theme of my, my narrative that carried me into leadership. So what is that for you? What is the plot? What is the one sentence theme of your narrative? And write that down. It's time to get curious. It's time to get inquisitive. It's time to have self all honesty. This is part of self authoring. You rewriting your story. You get to tell the story and the way you want to. No one else needs to confirm what happened. No one else needs to say Uhuh, that's not what it was like. Or brushing it off. Like, Ugh, you took that seriously. I was only kidding, you know? Right. You get to tell the story and the way you remembered it, the way you transcribed it, the way you filtered it in your mind, the way it has been embedded in every cell of your body. Up to this point, you get to tell the store and the way you want to tell it.
20:37 So once you write that down, I want for you. Now, I want for you to rewrite the damn story. If you want to, right. You get to take the theme and you get to reframe it for yourself, moving forward. You know, you get to look back and go. Wow. Okay. So that was the theme. I don't belong because I'm different, but I'm rewriting the narrative today. And, and I'll take that same theme because I'm okay with being different. And I'm okay with not the longing in some groups, in some circles, you know, it's true. I am different, but here's why here's how I now make a difference, because I am different. Here is why I'm a leader because I was victimized. I was bullied. I was treated like shit. And now I get to use all of that experience. That long lived experience. And I get to reframe it in this new narrative that I wanna tell that's what you get to do for yourself.
21:42 So either you rewrite the whole damn thing or you take parts of it and you reframe to your advantage. Remember, this is your story. No one else gets to create it for you. What will the ending be? Huh? What will that end result be? What is the journey you're on today now? What is this new narrative that you wanna tell us? Who are you BI humming, or who are you today because of what you endured and how are you helping others along the way, because of what you experienced. This is the story, the new narrative re-authoring rewriting, your narrative. And that narrative has now changed. It's changed. And guess what? You can change it again. As you experience life, as you experience circumstances, as pain and suffering, enter your life, you are able to rewrite that story. As you see fit, this is your narrative.
22:48 No one else is is so the narrative I'm telling today is that I get to use my uniqueness, how different I am from the rest, how my life experience has shaped the way I lead, the way I influence the way I inspire and impact my followers. I get to remind them the, that their differences is what makes them unique. It's what sets them apart. And because they're different, they belong here. We belong together. We're moving in the same direction because you are seen, you are understood because even though you are raised differently than I, we share the same theme, we are different and we don't belong there, but we belong here. That's the narrative I'm telling today. Now will this narrative last? I don't know. I hope so. It's so great. I'm truly benefiting from this new narrative. I'm empowered, which allows me to empower others, which allows me to show up in all of my uniqueness, as imperfectly as I am to others.
24:00 I think I'm pretty damn great. I'm not perfect. You know, but I, I have, I have very unique attributes that have helped me in, on my journey and are, is now helping others. I'm now able to help others because of this perspective I have. So my friend, what will you rewrite today? What is your new narrative? But in order to, to create our new narrative, we have to find awareness around this old narrative, why we created it? How has it benefited us? How has it not? And the new theme that we wanna create, the new story we wanna create around this new theme, take that old theme, reframe it for yourself, or scratch it all together and start brand new. So let me know what you are rewriting today or write my friend. I hope you enjoyed today's episode. I sure did. I'm so pumped. I'm so excited for this new narrative that we are rewriting together. Hit me up over on Instagram at Dr. Denise Simpson would love to hear what you're rewriting today. All right, my friend, take good care, have a fantastic week, and I'll catch you on our next episode. Bye for now.
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