Welcome back, leader. Hey, if you're watching this on iTunes or Spotify, cool. You're audio listeners. I love that so much. Thank you. And if you are a video or visual person like me, you're going to want to check the show notes wherever you're watching this and click on that live link. It's going to take you to where I have all of my video podcast episodes housed. You're going to want to click on that link and watch me if you are into visual learning. Plus, you'll get to see Esmeralda or Odin, my two English bulldogs, run around behind me or chew a bone or fight with each other or snore or some other embarrassing things that they like to do on video. So you're going to want to check it out if that's your thing. But let's get into today's conversation because I want to talk about honoring the pause, honoring the pause. It's a sacred pause. Before I get into what the pause is, let me give you a little bit of context into the contemplative. Contemplative leaders, this is who you and I are. We are deeply meaningful folks. We like surface level in the right context. I will shoot the shit with you at a party. I will be at a family gathering and keep it so surface level if that's what your thing is. There are some people that I can't get deep with. I would never even try to. And plus, I Don't think it's either appropriate for the context, for the situation. But, you know, some people I just don't really care about. I just don't care to go too deep with some folks. And that's cool. And you know who those folks are. You know who those people are where you just nothing, you know, all surface, nothing deep below that. Like it just stays there. And that's cool. We meet them there. But I'm talking about the contemplative leader, right? Ooh, the people like us who are really into having some heavier discussions about life. We are so interested in the person across the table from us. It's the right context. It's the right situation. You are looking into that individual and you're so curious about that person where they're giving you all this surface level talk and you're watching their gestures or behaviors. You know some of their patterns too, but you're like, gosh, if this person only knew how How incredibly special they are. They wouldn't behave this way. They wouldn't speak this way. They wouldn't date this way. They wouldn't marry this way. It's a perspective in which we see others differently. And it's unusual and it is rare. The contemplative leader is the person who says, you know, all this surface level talk, because thank God for TikTok. I mean, keeping it so surface. But, you know, before TikTok existed. there was a lot of meaning there was a lot of depth to our conversations you know we questioned our existence we questioned our purpose we questioned our roles in the organization and because we did so much deep work on ourselves we were able and we are able to do that with others and that makes us a different kind of leader that makes us a very unique kind of leader I mean, think about the leaders right now that you are answering to, whether in your organization or in your community or in your place of worship, right? These are leaders that may not have the capacity to go any deeper than surface level conversation. right? You know them. You've spent enough time with them. You know who they are. And you're like, gosh, this guy is so shallow. I mean, how many times have you said that about a woman or a man or a person where you've said, God, man, is there anything behind those eyes? There's no depth. There's no soul. There's just all this surface level stuff. Wow. I do that often. You know You know who they are. I'm not going to call out anybody that I know, but I have clients that come to me that are surface level. And after the second or the third or maybe even the fourth time we meet, things get shaken up a little bit because what they're going to get is something so deep and meaningful in our coaching services and my teaching services that it's impossible to stay on the surface. And it's probably something that you're doing too right now. And you may not be noticing that. So when I talk about a contemplative, I'm talking about a deep thinker. I'm talking about someone who's like, yeah, I'm not dumb. I'm not shallow either. There's some depth to my existence. There's depth to who I am, depth to who I'm here to serve. If that's you, you are a contemplative. That's what I want to set us up for in talking about the sacred pause, honoring the pause, honoring the pause that contemplatives must take. So as a contemplative, we use the analogy of an anchor, right? an anchor. Like think about an anchor. I talk a lot about the anchor. My gosh, can somebody make me a necklace or a charm with an anchor? I like, or tell me where to go buy this. I need to have like an anchor, you know, tattooed on my arm or something. So I could see it every day because I talk so much about the anchor. And it's important that we talk about this anchor analogy in this context, because this is where we're going to take the sacred pause. We're going to honor the pause. Now, when I talk about surface level, there are some folks that cannot and do not have the capacity yet to go deeper than surface level feelings. They take things at face value. They are on the surface at the effect of politics. At the effect of the news, at the effect of others' behaviors, at the effect of their children's behaviors, right? So they're on the surface and they're bobbing and they're going with whatever the, wherever the wind takes them, wherever the wave takes them. If it takes them crashing into a cliff, that's where they're going. If it takes them five hundred miles in the opposite direction, that's where they're going because they're at the effect. They're at the effect. So they're on the surface. Now, sometimes it's cool to be on the surface. You know, if you're just, you know, in a shallow end, having cocktails with your friends and just, you know, getting a little wet because it's one hundred and ten degrees outside in the Texas weather. Cool. On the surface. No big deal. You're chilling. Cool. Now, back to the surface. That we and I am, too, at times at the effect of. And it could be turning on the news. I mean, my gosh, all you have to do is turn on any channel, any station, and they're reporting something that agitates you, that disturbs your peace, that gets you out of alignment. And you start questioning your own existence. You start questioning humanity. Instead of being a natural, normal skeptic, you become a cynic because you are at the effect. Meaning you do not have control of your thoughts, of your emotions. You have no idea you are being controlled by these variables. They're just variables. They are variables that are outside of your mind, outside of your body that are impacting your internal landscape. They are impacting your thoughts, your emotions, your spirit. That's what I mean by being on the surface. We are at the effect of outside variables instead of being anchored. Oh my goodness. Here's where we drop. My gosh. Let's drop in together, my friend. So there you are watching the television and a war breaks out somewhere around the world and all sides of the US political spectrum, right? All sides of this spectrum is talking about this war and you are angered. You become angered. You become unsettled. You then start going online and checking to see what everyone else is saying. So you're now getting input from others. from our family members, from our peers. Now talk about a group chat, right? Your family storms in, starts talking about why this is wrong or why this is right and why you're wrong for thinking differently and why you shouldn't be involved in this conversation to become. So there's a lot of variables that are impacting your inner stability or your anchor. And so we stay on the surface sometimes because it's what we know. It's what has become normal to us. We stay on the surface because it has become this emotional thing. habitual pattern of being in angst, of being displeased, of being in anger even, right? It's what has become normal to us. And our nervous systems have now adjusted to that level of threat, quote unquote threat. So it becomes a pattern, a neurological, neurochemical pattern called a habit, an emotional habit, and also physical habits. Think about a physical habit. The first thing you do in the morning, you grab your phone, go on Instagram, go on TikTok, go mess around on there and kind of not want to face the world because that's a physical habit that you've created. Well, we create emotional habits too. And so it's easier for us to continue those habits than to break them, to be intentional and aware that it's time for us to break these things, right? That takes work. That takes self-awareness just to even have the insight that, yeah, I do actually have control over this, number one. And number two, what do I do about it? Ooh, now the real work comes in. So a lot of us stay on the surface. A lot of us stay on the surface. I know there's still things that I do that I still remain on the surface because I know it's going to be a hard habit to break. And that emotional state of grinding this out and trying to disrupt this pattern is going to be hard. So I'd rather not do that. I'd rather just stay here on the surface. There are things that I'm still working on. So I'm speaking from experience because I'm also in the trenches with you. And so contemplatives, however, they are aware of these patterns. They know that they're at the effect, right? They're being influenced by these outside variables. And sometimes it feels like you have no control. Sometimes it feels like these are just automatic thoughts and feelings because of an outside source, an outside variable. And you sometimes may think that you have no choice. This is just how it is. This is just how I react. But the truth is there's facts and truth. The facts are and the truth is that you get to find awareness around these very specific patterns and these very specific variables that have caused these specific patterns in you and that you can change them. you can change them. So instead of being at the effect of others, how about I am at cause, cause and effect. I don't want to be at the effect of these variables. I want to be at cause. I want to be the anchor in these situations. That's you being at cause. I am the cause of this enlightenment. I am the cause of the peace in my home. I am the anchor to my staff here in this organization. I will be steady because I am at cause, not at the effect of these variables. So contemplatives take this principle very seriously, the cause and effect principle. And that we visualize us on the surface being at the effect of all of these variables that are nowhere within your control. There's nothing within your control that's outside of your body or your brain. Facts. Facts and truth. And so here we are understanding the surface level interactions with the world. Put us at the effect of these variables. And so then we wonder... Is there any hope in this world? We've lost humanity. My goodness, what is the point of me leading this team anymore? I'm exhausted. I'm apathetic. My goodness. Think about always being at the effect of others and what that does to your nervous system, your physical body, what it does to your physical body, but also I'm so equally interested in what it does to your spiritual body. Your spiritual body, because that spirit is screaming. That spirit is saying, okay, the body's on fire and the spirit, listen, I'm going to hold the steady here. So now come back to me, come back to me. And that's what contemplatives do. And this is where we honor the pause. This is where we honor the pause because we no longer want to be at the effect of others, of the world, of crisis, of chaos, of rage, of anger. This is where we go, whew, the spirit is screaming because the body's on fire, right? The body's on fire. This is what chronic stress looks like. This is what autoimmune things do to our bodies. We are constantly in stress. So we honor the pause right here, right now. Oh my gosh. Do that with me for just a second. Take a deep breath with me. When we honor the pause, we get to settle back into our bodies that we've been so disconnected from. We get to settle back into our spirit. We get to anchor back into these spiritual principles that are so important to us. What are they for you? I have five. I have five spiritual principles that we contemplative leaders use every single day. You want to learn more about those? Stick around. What are your spiritual principles that you have right now? I'm not talking about religion, my friend. I'm not talking about dogma. I'm not talking about that. If you have a religious practice, wonderful for you. I'm not a theologian. I have no business talking about that with you, but I do have enough knowledge to talk to you about spirituality. What are your spiritual principles that you get to anchor back into when you things are violent on the ocean surface, when people and things are raging on the surface, when you yourself are at the effect of this anger, of this rage, of this unkindness. What do you anchor yourself back into? This is where we have to be awake. This is where we have to Say, okay, Denise makes some sense here. Maybe today she makes some sense here and maybe she is right in that I'm feeling this way. I feel like I'm at the effect of my ex-husband's behaviors or I'm at the effect of my partner's behaviors, my children's behaviors, my current leader's behaviors, the president behaviors, right? The first step is saying, okay, maybe that's true for me right now in this season. And maybe just maybe having a pause, taking a pause, honoring the pause, like Denise says, is something I should consider doing. This is the invitation. By the way, every episode I do for you is to invite you into a new way of looking at things, especially if you are leading humans. If you are leading humans who have souls, who each have divine assignments, then maybe we should consider opening up our aperture, widening the aperture to something different. Aren't you tired of doing it the old way? Aren't you exhausted? Listen, chronic stress is a thing. That is not normal. If you are finding that that is just normal, if you're saying, well, that's just the way it is, that's not normal. That's not normal. and maybe taking this invitation in to sing for yourself how this could be different for you, how you could change the spirit yourself. And so we honor the pause when we start feeling the agitation in our bodies and in our spirit. Listen, I know not everything is kumbaya. My go-to emotions are Listen, I have a depth of emotional clarity, truly, honestly, emotional intelligence. I could have written the book, but Daniel Goleman beat some people to that. But for me, at this stage in my life and in this season that I'm in, I'm hyper aware of my patterns and my behaviors. And there are two emotions that I tend to go to quickly. One is peace. That's really homeostasis for me. That's baseline. or anger. Ooh. And you don't want to see this Latina angry. Yikes. I mean, it is scary. So these two emotions, I know. And yes, there's a whole bunch between these two. Yep. And more on the, on, on each tail end. I get that. Right. But for me, for me, this is how I'm hyper aware of my patterns, my behaviors. I hope you are for yourself. For me, it's these two emotions, peace or anger. And talk to my clients because I come on a session with them and I am leveled. I'm peace. I'm anchored. And then they share with me something that they've experienced. And because I take them so, so meaningful and, and, and personally, I, I, I hit the switch. I go, you know, from peace to anger very quickly. That's just my pattern. And then I have to quickly get back to peace. I have to quickly get back to peace because I am the anchor in this context. I am the anchor in this leadership relationship. I'm the anchor. So I have to quickly move into peace, but I have to take a pause. I have to take a sacred pause and I have to honor the pause so I can move back into peace. So I know when I'm being agitated by an outside circumstance. And that didn't even happen to me. It happened to a client of mine. And all that client has to do is share with me their experience and I quickly am at the effect of that. someone else's bad behaviors. Ooh, how many times has a girlfriend called you and said some stuff that an ex or a lover has, has done to them, has wronged them. And then you are, you're up in arms too. You're like, let's go, let's go get this dude. Right. So like, just know you are at the effect too of the, of, of others, especially the people that you love and the people that you care about. When they're harmed, when they're hurt, when they're wronged, you are pissed. You go into anger just like I do. Okay, so you get that point. You get that. We're still at the effect, however, of others' bad behaviors. And so identify those two emotions for yourself. What's homeostasis for you? What's baseline for you? Maybe it's calm. Maybe it's joy. Maybe it's love, right? For me, it's peace. Peace all the time. Peace, always peace. I'm like, I'm the harmony creator around here. I'm like, I'm leveled. But the second I am at the effect of others, bad behaviors, I'm in anger. What are yours? What are your two? Identify them for yourself today, right? As you are going through your day, what's baseline? What's every day? What's the majority of your day like? But if you're leaning more towards the opposite end of that spectrum, more towards anger, more towards frustration, hatred even, vengeful, bitterness, if you're on that end and that's your homeostasis, that's baseline for you. then let's seriously, seriously consider that sacred pause because we can change that. You can choose an emotion on the other end of that spectrum that you would like to begin with every single day, that you would like to make dominant in your nervous system. And that takes conscious thought. That takes choice. You have a choice here. You get to choose to do it for yourself. And then you get to choose the emotion you want to become dominant in your body and in your spirit. So the pause is so that we can, number one, realize that we are oftentimes at the effect of others. I mean, sometimes we're at the effect of the weather. How many times do you get grumpy and pissy when it's raining outside? Or if you're anything like me, when it's raining, I'm like, ooh, it's time to create. I don't know. I'm still at the effect of the weather in that way. right you're at the effect of the tr of traffic Raise your hand if you live in Austin. Raise your hand if you go through I-Thirty-Five, either north or southbound, and you are stuck in a standstill because of a wreck up ahead. I mean, talk about being at the effect. And listen, by the time I pass that accident, I'm cursing at those people. I'm like, you should have known better. You should be careful. You shouldn't be driving like crazy. Like I'm, I'm at the effect of traffic in Austin. I think you are. I don't think I'm alone in this, wherever you live. I'm sure. I'm sure of it. We're also at the effect of the government. Oh, We're at the effect of what we're watching on the news. We're at the effect of our customers' stories. We're at the effect of our employees' behaviors. We're at the effect of our leaders' decisions. We are at the effect, meaning that we are being influenced. It's almost like it's automatic. You start thinking and feeling because of what you have observed. And then they become the controllers of your life. You've now become a puppet. And so number one, find awareness around how that's true for you. Already today, you have been at the effect of a person, a group of people, an entity, a being, an event, a circumstance, a context. Identify that for yourself right now. That's number one. And number two, what emotion do you want to choose to be your dominant emotion? The one that you anchor back into. The one that you want to have present in your everyday life. For me, it's peace. Also identify the opposite end of that emotion. What is that for you? For me, it's anger. This is where you start now identifying your own emotional patterns and behaviors. This is awareness. This is what contemplatives do. The meaning of what we do is in the word. We contemplate, we ponder, we reflect, we meditate on this, we pray on it. We do all the things because we have taken the sacred pause. We are honoring the pause right here, right now on this podcast episode together. So those are two things that I just want for you to take away with today. Just two simple things. Those are two simple things. Number one, what are you at the effect of? What have you been at the effect of today? What are those emotional patterns that you have identified in being at the effect of? Hmm. Number two, what are those two emotions, the homeostasis baseline that you want to have or that you currently have? And then the opposite end of that, of that emotion, the one that says, Oh, red flag, red flag. Okay. Got to go back. Got to go back. Got to go back. Right. This is where we get to be intentional. We get to choose those two emotions. It's an, I don't want to always be angry. What it does to my body and my nervous system and my neurochemical is system? I don't think so. No, no, no. When the red flag of anger comes up, I'm like, oh, got to go back. Got to go back. Got to go back. Okay. Let's get back into this peaceful homeostasis baseline that my body and my spirit loves so much. What's that for you? And then share with me. Share with me. Wherever you're watching this, DM me and tell me your thoughts. Share with me your feedback. Cannot wait to hear from you, dear friend. And can't wait to serve you again. I know this one was a long one, but I think this is worth it. This is where we honor the sacred pause and we just did that in action together. We'll talk more about that in our upcoming episodes. But for now, just know that you just did that in action. You took a sacred pause with me. All right, dear leader, take very good care of yourself. I'm wishing you all of my best, and I cannot wait to see you inside the sanctuary for contemplative leaders. It's our free community away from social media, all the way off of Instagram, off of Facebook, off of TikTok, off of LinkedIn, in our own sacred space where we get to have these embodied moments. Because it's not enough to know that there's a pattern you have to break. It's not enough to do that. You have to now embody the neurological, the neurochemical, the nervous system changes. We have to disrupt some things in our physical body so that we can embody these things. That's what it says, embody. The definition is in the word embodied. So you're going to do that with me over in the sanctuary. Wherever you're watching this, go to the show notes. You're going to click on that live link so you can join me inside the sanctuary. I'll see you very soon, leader. Take very good care. Bye for now.
