Welcome back, leader. Do you notice something? Do you notice something if you're watching this podcast video? I'm sure you're seeing something in the corner in my office. It's a Christmas tree. Listen, I don't care if it's too soon, too much for anybody out here. Right now, the mood in this house is very seasonal. We are so excited. Um, I am, I just put this tree up just a few hours ago. Listen, I buy all these like lights, like you see the other on the other opposite side of that tree over here. Um, there's a Govee light. I love Govee. Govee lighting is amazing. And I've got that one, you know, going strong over there. And then I have this new tree that just came in and I have it on all these colors. Now it's new. So there's zero ornaments on it. I haven't judged it up. So it's literally out of the box and I have to go and move it about and like fluff it about. So it's new. It's new. Lucky you. You get to see it firsthand. You're the first to see this. Amazing. Welcome to another week where we get to talk about spirituality and leadership. We get to talk about contemplative leadership style, this incredible, refreshing approach to leadership. It's something that has been in the making in my body and in my nervous system and in my spirit that I'm now able to share this idea with you. I'm able to share these principles with you. I'm writing a book about this. I want to capture these ideas in a book so that they can help someone or two people out here, at least, I hope. One or at least two people out here. I want to help them find peace, peace in their role, peace in their leadership practice. I'm hoping that this leadership approach truly transforms the way we lead. So I want to talk today about the two sides of the same coin. And let's just say you are the coin. And although you're multifaceted and you have so many different layers to you, I just want to talk about these two sides. I want to talk about the spiritual side, the non-physical side that is not, it can't be seen. It is through your essence, through your energy. It is really what you're in alignment with as far as your divine assignment is. that's the intangible stuff that on the other side of the coin, however, is demonstrated through your leadership role. So one side of the coin is your spirituality. The other side of the coin is you, your humanity, your role as a leader. Now, I know you have a thousand roles. I know you have a thousand roles. qualifiers, labels, identifiers, right? Mom, sister, daughter, cousin, leader, manager, supervisor, right? Soccer coach. Oh my gosh, PTA president, whatever. You have lots of labels. So I just want to focus on these two, these two sides, these two sides to the same coin. They are two sides to the same coin. So take out a coin. I know a lot of us don't have any more coins, but you know, take out, take out a dime, take out a nickel, take out a quarter. And on one side is your spiritual self. Hmm. Let's just dive into that. The spiritual self. Why is this important? Because I want for you to bring it out to play today. I want for you to acknowledge you have a spiritual side. I just want for you to go, yeah, come on out. Let's have some tea together. Let's talk about the spiritual side. Now, listen, so many of us have different definitions of spirituality. Just the other day, I talked to my incredible massage therapist, Melissa, who is, I hope she's listening. She's So moving, so talented, so gifted. My gosh, her divine assignment is to heal through touch. And she truly is a healer. And we had a conversation about spirituality and really finding peace in our spiritual practice. so that we can show up in our personal lives and our business lives and all the labels that we have more grounded, more anchored, because we have this strong spiritual practice. And so I want to do this episode so that we can open up the conversation to what spirituality is for you. So many of us have an idea of what religion is. Again, I just talked to Melissa about my Catholic upbringing and how I am not a practicing Catholic according to the formalities of Catholicism. However, I have all the sacraments. I take Eucharist once a week. I do a rosary every single day. I go to mass. I am very respectful of this religion. Now, a lot of the things about Catholicism, I don't agree with, and that's okay. And so I use their services. I use their church. I use their liturgy. I use their environment. so that I can go and anchor myself into what's important for me. And what's important for me is that intimacy or that direct connection with what I call God. You may not call it God. You may call it source. You may call it universal spirit. You may call it whatever, right? So I just want for us to get loose about this whole thing because there are a lot of folks out here DMing me you know, warning me and telling me I shouldn't be talking about this kind of stuff. Well, I am. And you can keep on scrolling by because I want to. help you better understand these two sides of the same coin and how they correlate, how they integrate with one another. And more importantly, how you can use this understanding to go and embody this in your daily life so that you can find the peace that you are hungry for. Okay. who's hungry right now? Is it lunchtime? Oh, I'm hungry all the time and I'm hungry for peace. And so for those of you who have reached a transition in their career and said, you know, we're done not doing it this way ever again. Can somebody out here show me a different way to lead? Oh, I'm here guys, right here. Pay close attention because I think you're going to like this. And I think you're going to be able to be open to this new way of leading. So gather around, gather around, because if you're burnt out. How many of us out here are burnt to a crisp? We're burned. We have third degree burns out here. There are so many of us out here in corporate America or wherever you're finding yourself around the world and you are exhausted. What does that look like for you every day? Does it look like bitterness? Does it look like anger, resentment, bitterness? How about anxiety? Wow. I talk to so many leaders and they tell me about the anxiety that creeps in and they don't understand where it's coming from. They're like, I don't know. I don't know. It just popped up. No, it's been building. And it's now introducing itself to you in full color. It's right here. And so- A lot of us have reached burnout and burnout looks different for so many of us. Like for me, burnout looks like, ooh, numbing. Like when I start looking for things, food in particular for me, when I start looking for food to calm a negative emotion in my body, I know, ooh, red flag. Okay, girl, wake up. Wake up. What are you numbing? Why are you using this to escape these strong negative emotions? What are you doing? Because for me, for many years, in college in particular, like a million moons ago now, But when I was in college, it was something that I learned to help me cope with negative emotion. And that was eating and in particular binge eating. This is something that I am very conscious of. The relationship I have with food has been so interesting. Oh my gosh. Like some of you have a very interesting relationship with alcohol. Okay. Okay. anything can be used as a drug, right? There's some technical, formal labels of drugs, but you would look at food and go, well, you could use it for health, nutrition, whatever. No, I used that as my drug and I used it in a very negative way so that I could numb emotions and not have to address what was happening in my brain, my body, my nervous system. Give me a large pizza. And that was it. I'm like, okay, I'm better now. And it's like, whoa, girl, what happened? Wow. Okay. That then became a habit for me in my college years. And so I know my body. I know my triggers. I know those warnings. Ooh, so well, what are those for you? So when you feel burned out because you're overwhelmed, because you're anxious, because you're disappointed in an expectation, because, you know, your expectations did not meet reality. So here you are. burned out and exhausted. There are some of us that are using things to numb and to cope those sensations, those feelings. I'm not saying that that's exactly right for you. You may have a completely different escape. What are you using to escape addressing, facing these negative emotions that you're having about the workplace, about your leader, about your peers, about the organization as a whole, about the industry as a whole, right? What are you experiencing right now? And so I bring this up because so many leaders are seeking peace, peace in their bodies, peace in their minds, peace in their nervous systems. They're looking for peace. And you may not have have thought of that word yet, right? You just know you want something different. You just know that this pain is no longer going to be acceptable for you, that you know, on the other side of that pain, you want to explore, you want to get curious about, you want to move into that new space because this pain, you are done sacrificing yourself for whatever, whatever this pain brought, right? Like, you know, maybe it was a leadership role, right? Maybe it was You know, for some of you, a scholarship because you're going to get graduate degrees. You know, what if it's, you know, a partner that, you know, you know, you don't belong with, but you're doing it because of fill in the blank. Right. So you are no longer wanting to sacrifice yourself. Right. That's it. The pain has to end now. Now, if you're in pain and you're soothing it and you're cope, you know, you're, you're doing all this, all these numbing strategies and you are escaping and you're like, what, what pain? I have no pain. You're holding it like it's a baby and you're going, no, no, no, we're fine. This pain is good. Then this isn't for you. Hmm. Because if you want to hold on to that pain like you would an infant, to care for it, to soothe it, to keep it close to your chest, then I don't know if this is the right episode for you. But if you're saying, no, no. I am going to put that pain down because now I want to get curious. So now I want to get curious about what that could actually feel like moving without that pain. What could that actually feel like for me on a daily basis? Ooh, now we're talking, my friend. Now come on in, enter this space with me. Because I want to introduce you to the possibilities of having this peace in your body, this calm in your body, where you get to be at cause and not at the effect of the organization or at the effect of your leader's bad behaviors or your peers' jealous behaviors, right? No, you get to now stand firm and go, okay, let's get curious, Denise. Ooh, okay, okay. Let me drop that pain. I'm going to drop it. I'm going to drop it. It's over there. It's over there. The pain's over there. And now I want to get curious. Okay. Now what do you have to say, Denise? Oh, let's talk about the two sides of the same coin, the spiritual side. And listen, if you have a spiritual practice, whatever that looks like for you, you know, listen, I have a sister who loves tarot. She loves tarot and she's a great tarot reader. This is a sister who is so witchy and so extraordinary, right? Like she, you won't find her at church like me, but she is in these spiritual realms where she's deeply connected to her source. Wow. Like that's all. I mean, I'm not here to undermine anybody, honey. So if you're like reading the Quran and Allah is who you pray to, amazing. If you are a Buddhist, right? And you are, you know, doing rituals and, and all these sacred rituals, practices for Buddha. Amazing. Or even Kabbalah, right? Whatever your heart desires and whatever you're using, because you could use it for negative or you could use it for positive. Whatever you are using is to help you find that intimate connection with who you call god or source or allah what or buddha whatever right that's what's so much more interesting to me is that you find awareness uh it's like okay so i have a spiritual practice denise i have what but you know um that has no business in corporate america or wherever i'm leading around the world you know what do you mean like It has to stay at home. It has to stay in the flat. It has to stay in my garden or has to stay in my closet. It cannot make an appearance ever. That's you separating yourself. And listen, neuroscience says otherwise best. Listen, babe, you cannot separate yourself. You cannot split yourself in a thousand ways, which is what we're finding ourselves doing with all these roles and all these titles. And today I'm only talking about two, two sides of the same coin, your spiritual life and your leader life. And so we have to remember to be whole and integrated, right? Let's acknowledge that first. You are whole and integrated, but you have splintered off into all of these different directions because one entity says you can't bring spirituality in the workplace. Who do you think you are? Right. Or another role over here says, nope, you can't talk about your source or God or prayer over here. No, no, no, no, no. That's get that out of here. We can't even discuss these things. Okay, cool. I understand that. I am a leader. I have worked with thousands of leaders around the world at different capacities with different responsibility levels. So I know what that is like. Okay. So I am just wanting to bring us all on the same page. Now you were born whole and fully integrated. There was no splitting off of pieces of you. You were whole and fully integrated. But the world, your culture, society, your not-so-well-meaning parents or your well-meaning parents contributed to this division of who you are. And so I just want to bring us back to this whole integrated self and that, oh, wait, hold on, Denise. You mean I can have this spiritual, rich, deep practice? Yes. These principles that I already believe, oh my, you mean I can use this to be a better leader every day in my workplace? What? Yes. Let's bring you back whole. Let's bring you back together again. It's like Humpty Dumpty, right? Like broken to a million pieces. I don't know how many pieces, but here we are putting you back together again. with this leadership approach called contemplative leadership style been talking about it we're now in the second season of it so if you don't if you're not familiar with this style go listen to season one and then start season two and then keep on going with me keep following me here keep connecting with me because this is this is this is my idea of of the garden of eden here it's like peace peace do you mean i get to anchor myself into something bigger than my ego because dang my ego in the workplace is driving me crazy i am burnt to a crisp because of my ego and i am exhausted and i'm full of hatred and i'm full of anger right now and i'm vengeful against my followers my employees and oops i'm not allowed to say that but gosh denise you're reading my mind so you mean All I have to do to become whole and integrated again, like I was intended when I was put in my mother's belly and when I was a tiny little baby, you mean that's the original thing? divine state that I am actually supposed to be in right now what and all I have to do is acknowledge that I have a spiritual practice and that I respect the spiritual side of myself and that I get to bring it into my daily leadership practice that's all I have to do that's all you have to do And that's what I've done over and over and over again through many seasons of my life, through many seasons as a manager, a supervisor, a director, a CEO, a founder, an executive coach, a researcher, an academic, through all those labels, all those labels where I had leadership responsibilities. I have experienced some interesting circumstances that always bring me back to my spiritual life. This is North Star for me. This is North Star. And so what is your compass telling you? Are you going crazy on that compass? Have you lost your way? Have you lost your inner connection with who you call God or source or divine intelligence or universal spirit? What is your compass telling you right now? Are you five hundred miles away from your actual end point, which is only one mile from here? But you have found yourself in the desert, lost and confused and hungry. Hungry. hungry for peace, hungry for tranquility, hungry for calmness, right? Like, oh, the nervous system is haywired. When you are in burnout, that nervous system and what is happening inside internally to your organs, to your body is very interesting. I just bought a book, The Biology of Trauma by Dr. Amy. Oh gosh, what's Amy's last name? And I'm reading the Kindle right now and wow, wow, the things I am learning about trauma and how the body does keep the score and it is holding on to fear. It's holding on to pain. It's holding on to the anger. And that book is just trying to get you back to your natural baseline. Oh, that's what we're doing here too, y'all. That's what I'm doing here too. bringing us back to our natural baseline of peace, of peace, of calm, of tranquility. This is why I use the analogy of the anchor. Every time I come on here with you, the anchor, because up there, those seas are raging. Oh, tell me, tell me your seas are, the waves are quiet right now. Are they? Because, uh, Up above, right? I'm the anchor. I'm down below, my friend. I'm in stillness, honey. Like I am anchored. I'm grounded. So up there, however, if I take a peek up there right now, those seas are angry. Those waves are violent. Ooh, you know? those waves I have no control over. That environment is not within my control. What people say on the news, what people are saying on, on Twitter or wherever the heck you're on social media, you know, like I, That's up there. That's up there. That's up there where you're going to find me as a contemplative. You're going to find me at the bottom of the ocean floor like an anchor, like an anchor. I'm holding steady. I'm holding that boat steady because I have people in that boat that I love. I have people in that boat that I respect. They could be your family or they could be your peer groups or they could be your friends or they could be your teams or your organization, your employees, but they're on a boat up there. They're on a boat up there and they are at the effect of those violent waves. But guess what? That storm up there is not going to last very long. It's not going to last long. There's a beginning. There's going to be an end. But you are anchored down below because you have these spiritual principles. Again, two sides of the same coin, your spiritual life and your leadership life. And now you are embedded down below on the ocean floor where it is calm, where it is still, where you can think, where you can feel, where you can process, where you can reflect. Wow, what a gift that is. And you can do this every single time you are faced with a storm. Because you're the captain when you're in the boat. But then you drop down. You drop down like the anchor that you are. Because your people in that boat are looking to you. They're looking to you for guidance. They're looking to you for protection. They're looking to you for the next direction, the next instruction. They are looking... to you for how to behave here. You're the model. You're the model of excellence. And you, you know, you're the anchor. You're holding everybody steady here. And guess what? That's a lot of responsibility. But you were made for this. You were born for this. If you are in leadership right now with me, formal title or not, formal title in an organization or in another context, you have great responsibilities. They're sacred. Ooh, they're sacred. And we take our role very seriously. And so we have to do this work because of the great responsibility that we have. So we have to do this work of contemplative leadership, of contemplation, of reflection. So every time you join me here, every single week, you're doing the work. So press play. Press play every week so that you can be in the trenches with me embodying this work. This is what contemplatives do. So two sides of the same coin. I, you know, I don't. I've had a lot of interesting experiences throughout my career. And like I said, I always go back to my spiritual anchor. I go back to my spiritual principles. And that's all I'm asking for you to do today is to be open to the idea of having this very strong spiritual side. And if it's not so strong, cool. I have five spiritual principles for us, okay? So like if you don't have any of your own, right, that you want to anchor to, I've got five really great ones that I use every single day to anchor myself in my spiritual practice so I can show up for my clients, so I can show up for my students, so I can show up for my family, so I can show up for you. two sides of the same coin that I am. You and I share that. You and I have that in common. And so the idea here is for you to find awareness, find awareness around what that spiritual practice looks like for you. And then join me every single week so that we can then incorporate it, integrate it, embody it into our leadership practice. All right, leader. Thank you so much for your time today. I'm going to let you go because I have a puppy down here who's barking like a grown, grown dog. Okay. He's a year, so he's not a puppy anymore. His name is Odin and he lives up to that name every single day. He wants to protect me from everything. The birds outside, the cars driving by. The branches falling from the tree like he wants to protect me. So if you can hear him barking, that's what's happening is that something fell outside or a bird, you know, chirped and he's very upset about it. Anyway, thank you so much for your time today. I invite you into the sanctuary. Always go see me inside the sanctuary where you and I get to embody these principles so that we can find peace in our leadership roles and our leadership practice, all because of our spiritual power. principles that we embody in the sanctuary. So check the show notes. You're going to want to click that link and join me as soon as possible. All right, leader, have a fantastic rest of your day and I will see you here very soon. Take care.
