Leader, if your title is heavy and your soul is tired, you're in the right place. This show is for the burnt out leader who feels spiritually disconnected and trapped in outdated toxic leadership models. Let me help you restore your presence, your peace, and your purpose with grounded strategies and soul rooted wisdom so you can lead your people with confidence, compassion, and conviction. I am your host and guide, Dr. Denise Simpson. Join me now so we can integrate spirit, science, and strategy. Hi, welcome leader. Happy you are here. I also hope that you are enjoying the season so far. Season three, this is episode three. So excited that we can meet every single week together. We have opened up the season with some, I think, thought provoking contemplative topics like the difference between soul and spirit. Hmm. You, the soul that you take everywhere you go and the spirit that guides us. So wonderful. We also talked about you questioning your divine calling. And a lot of us are, especially when we're in burnout and we have quietly quit on our teams and organizations. We start questioning what we're doing in these organizations. We start questioning our purpose because these roles are lacking meaning because of all of these variables that are impacting the way we are looking at ourselves in these very specific positions. We are questioning whether we should pack our bags and move on or stay right here. Stay right here where we're at and maybe, just maybe, look at leadership a little differently. A slight perspective shift sometimes is all it takes so that you don't have to leave an organization that you have invested so much time in. And I know some of you are screaming at me right now saying, do you not know the bozos I work for? Do you not know the cruelty that I have experienced under these people? I know, my friend. I know it because I'm there with you. I've been there. I've done that. And this is why contemplative leadership is the answer to our prayers. So I am presenting, inviting you to see a different way of leading your people, your communities, your organizations, even your families, a different way, one that is anchored. Ooh, I'm wearing my anchor sweater. So if you're listening to this, you may want to watch the video episode of this because I have my anchor sweater on. By the way, I bought three of these things, different colors. So you're going to see them rotated, okay? From now until I'm done talking about an anchor. which is going to be never. But here's where we get to anchor ourselves into something bigger and greater than our egos. I talked about the shadow side of our ego last time. I talked about the beautiful side of our ego. And I loved how Dr. Wayne Dyer said that ego stood for etching God out. Now, I like to believe he was talking about the dark shadows, the dark side of our egos and not the healthy side of our egos. But etching God out is such a great reminder because the ego wants to... that catastrophize everything. I hope I said that correctly. It wants to bring up the worst case scenario in every situation. It wants to keep you from moving forward and taking that action that you know you should take. The ego and the, and fear are like, you know, two peas in a pod. They're like two sides to the same coin. The ego on one side that's loud and screaming and on the other side of that coin is fear. It's like these two go hand in hand. So when the ego, which I believe is so tiny, it's actually really tiny, that tiny ego is so loud. It is taking over everything that you hear, feel, taste, you know, and see. The ego, that tiny screaming voice, it's this small, but it has taken over how you show up in the workplace. And it's important that we anchor, right? Anchor. Anchor ourselves back into what's bigger and greater than those egos. And what is that for you? That's your divine calling. We anchor back into five specific principles. And that first one is the divine calling principle. It's the spiritual principle that reminds us, oh, I was put on this earth for a reason. what could that be? Oh, I'm in it. I'm actually living it. I am actually doing it every day, but the ego has burdened me with all of these interesting emotions like fear and anger and resentment and regret. I have forgotten that I'm answering my calling. But because of all of these variables that I have no control over, I'm now depleted. I'm now burnt out. I'm now exhausted. And I have forgotten that this is a sacred calling that I decided to answer with sacred responsibilities in leading these people. My goodness. This is why it's important that we descend. The necessary descent of true leaders happens on a daily basis. We're just happening to meet every week. I do this every single day. I descend down below. This is why the anchor is so important to me. This symbol, my goodness, I'm going to tattoo it somewhere. I don't know. And I'm going to tell you a little story about the anchor in just a little bit. But the anchor for me is so meaningful. It reminds me that I get to detach. from the emotional violence here on the surface no i get to descend down below down below and i like to picture myself as the anchor and i am you know embedded i am now you know sitting in the sand my butt is now firmly on the sand on the bottom of the ocean floor And that's how detached or disconnected I am. The distance that is required for us to think for ourselves, to hear the voice of God, to be still in our own beliefs so that we can be reminded of why we're even put on this earth. What are we doing here? So if you're questioning your purpose, then maybe, maybe this is a way to to help you reconnect to what that divine assignment is for you. When we live in our minds, and we leaders, we're categorized as overthinkers. A lot of us are. And I'm here to tell you, we're going to shift that. We're no longer going to call ourselves overthinkers. We are deep thinkers. We have a lot of depth in our thinking. As my earring falls off, See, this is what happens when you have long hair and big earrings. You kind of, you know, accidentally take them off. But as I was saying, we're deep thinkers. We're not over thinkers. We have depth to our thinking. We have a different way of looking at life and looking at leadership. So some people call us over thinkers, but I, as a contemplative, call us deep thinkers. And so we distance ourselves from the voices of others. We distance ourselves from the news. We distance ourselves from so-called experts in their fields. We distance ourselves from the naysayers. We distance ourselves from what the political pundits are talking about. We distance ourselves. We are so aware. that those voices are not ours. And we know when we're being at the effect of these voices, we're at the effect of these people's opinions. It's like we forget where our beliefs begin and theirs end, right? Like where do yours end and mine start? Like, are we just a big glob of people that think the same? And I know about the tribal issues that we have as humans, right? We want to belong to a group. So we adapt. We group think. There's the group think bias that we have. It's like, well, the group doesn't believe this and I'm not going to believe it. But leaders, we tend to be so different from the rest of the group. We just are naturally different. We have selected ourselves to take risks. We have raised our hands and said, I can do this better. We have positioned ourselves to be outside of the group. We're almost on the edge of the group looking back and going, hey, I just took a peek over the cliff and it's safe. I've got the ropes. We can do this successfully. Come on out. Come, come, come follow me. So we tend to be on the edge, on the edge of that group. So already we're distanced. Already we're different. Already we are leading the group because we have a different vantage point. We are seen in a very different way. We have this visionary, strategic visionary thinking. We are looking beyond For what's next, we're looking beyond what reality is for the group. So already we are different. Already we are not part of the group. We are leading the group. And a lot of us get lost in that transition and that understanding of what that means. A lot of us think we have more power. A lot of us think that leadership is hierarchy and that in the human race, there's hierarchy and I'm better than you. And there's this air of righteousness and arrogance. And it's nothing like that. It's hey, listen, I know this collective because I actually come from this collective. Like I know these people because I am cut from the same cloth of these folks. And also I'm going to take the risk for this group. because I have a different way of looking at how we can accomplish this together. So I'm going to stand over here at the edge while you are getting your things and gathering your things. I'm calling you over while I'm looking ahead, but still bringing my group from behind or, you know, that are behind me, I'm calling them forward. So already you've said, let's go. But again, some of us I've been taught that leadership comes with power and with power abuse happens. And so contemplatives, we don't think of leadership in that way because of the divine assignment that was called on us because of the sacred responsibilities that we have because of the expensive vision that we were gifted. Oh my goodness. Those are three of the five principles. I just, I'm just, you know, casually bringing up for you. Those five principles is what we anchor back into when things get so loud up on top. We descend below. And just picture that descent. Just picture that descent. What could that look like for you on a daily basis? For me, I'll tell you just a few examples of how I descend every day. Again, the anchor is important to me. So I like to remind myself of that image. So one way that I use the anchor is I visualize myself. All of this chaos in my mind, the amygdala is hijacked. It's heightened because of something I heard, something I read. I am stirred up emotionally. And so the amygdala is on high alert. My nervous system is on high alert. And I just picture this chaotic wind. It's a storm here in my mind. And I take the image of the anchor and I take it from the top of my head here, right here, my prefrontal cortex. And I just visualize the anchor falling, falling, dropping down below, down below, down below, down below. And at times it lands on my chest. And at my chest and my heart center is the bottom of the ocean floor. Sometimes it's my solar plexus. Sometimes it's my sacral center. It just depends on how deep that anchor needs to drop. And so here is where the chaos is. I mean, think about that for yourself. You know, for me, that happens a lot in bed when I'm trying to fall asleep. And I'm ruminating over the day. And I'm thinking of all the things I should have said or I should have done. I'm thinking of all the missed opportunities I had to serve somebody. All this mental rumination that happens. So that's how I visualize this chaotic storm. And then I just... Visualize that anchor front and center. Like right here, it's a glowing, bright, glowing anchor. And I'm doing it right now as I'm talking to you. And I'm visualizing the anchor just dropping, dropping, dropping. dropping down below. So as I do that, I'm distancing myself from all of that rumination, all of those chaotic thoughts. And as I drop it into my chest, it just sits here and the anchor is bright and illuminated. And it's where I get to remind myself who I am in this world, why I was put on this earth, what my calling is. It's a reminder that I don't have to live in my mind. I don't have to live here. I don't have to live right here. I get to actually live in my heart. I get to actually lead with my heart. This is where the illuminated anchor lives for me most of the time. So that's one way I get to distance myself from the mental chaotic rumination. Why don't you try that for yourself tonight? Or if you're in your office right now, if you're driving, please don't do this. Do not do this. But if you're in the office and you're watching this or you're listening to this, just put me on pause for a moment and visualize the chaos, the storm that is brewing in your mind right now. And how heightened that poor amygdala is right now. That's the center where all of the emotional upheaval happens. And that just starts sending signals to your nervous system and to the rest of your body that there is a threat, that you are being threatened right now. And all you're doing is thinking, but the body is registering a real threat. It doesn't know if it's perceived. It doesn't know if it's somebody actually there to hurt you, a physical person to hurt you. It doesn't know that, but your body is registering it as a real threat. threat. This is how we become chronic stressors, how we have chronic burnout, how we have so much resentment and hatred and anger and regret in our lives because we have all of this unsettled mental storm in our minds just ruminating over and over again. How many of you have those mental loops going on? This is one way where we can just shut it off. And we do it by distancing ourselves. And see where that anchor lands. It could be in your heart center. It could be in your solar plexus. It could be in your sacral. Oh, I don't know. Where is that for you? Where would that anchor land? My goodness, it could land at your feet if you want. I don't know. You get to experiment this for yourself because this is what we do as contemplatives. It is necessary that we descend on a daily basis. Now, that's one way I do that. There's another way I do that. Right before I get out of bed every single morning, I ask myself, what three blessings am I grateful for? It's usually different every day. Sometimes it's as simple as this warm bed. Wow, what a blessing that I have a warm blanket because there's millions out there that don't. Millions, not only in this country, but around the world do not have a bed like this or sheets or coverings to keep them warm. My goodness. So I've trained my brain to wake up and to immediately... count the blessings. And I only do three. I can do much more than that, but three, three, three is the max. And I get out of bed after that. But I've trained my brain to look for the good, the blessings, so that I get out of bed feeling appreciated, appreciative, grateful for this incredible life that I have and that I've been given. It's these very simple moments. But do you see how it happens in the mind and in the body? So it's not only here that we're thinking, but we're also feeling it. Because a feeling is just a physiological response to an emotion, right? So the thought then creates the emotion. The emotion then moves into the body, and it's called a feeling. So here's where we're using our mind and our bodies as contemplative leaders. This is how we disconnect. We distance ourselves. We detach from the chaos in our minds and we move into our bodies. This is how we anchor. This is what we get to do every day. And I hope you get to take what resonates with you right now and use it immediately. Don't leave this podcast episode without trying something. Those are two examples. Another thing I get to do is right before I have my workout session, I sit right here. This is my office. This is my office. Esmeralda's right there on the floor. That's Esmeralda's pillow. That's what she actually looks like. Okay. That's my bulldog. And this is my office. So I have my journal and it's a simple journal book that I bought from Amazon, but my pens are the best. I have to have a great pen because I write a lot. Pen and paper, pen and paper have saved my life as a contemplative. Pen and paper, I can say has saved my life. It's a ritual that I started when I was a little girl. I needed to write out all of the disturbing things that I was experiencing as a child, the assault against me and my body, the perpetrators that were around me every day. I had to take pen and paper and write out everything that I was experiencing because I could not use my voice. I was so afraid to speak out. I was so afraid to tell somebody that this was the person that was doing this. I had to have a diary with a lock and key. And my biggest fear as a little girl was that somebody was going to read my diary. That was my biggest fear then. Today... I take pen and paper, write everything out. And yes, so as I was saying, I do this every morning before I work out. I sit right here with a cup of coffee and my breakfast bar. Yep. I have an IQ bar every morning and some of the best coffee in the world because we don't skimp on the good stuff. And I sit here with pen and paper. And I took this from Julia Cameron. She has this incredible manual. It's for writers. And they're called morning pages that she suggests that we do. I forgot the title of her book. It's her most famous book. It's so incredible. It was written, I want to say, in the nineties maybe, but it's still so relevant. My goodness. So she has this method called the morning pages. And her method is you write, take a pen paper, write whatever comes to mind. It's not, you know, you're not being asked a question. You're not just pour everything out that wants to come up. Now she recommends you don't go back and read it. I do. I go back and read the garbage that my mind is presenting me with. And sometimes I realize, oh, wow, like I hadn't thought about this person in like ten weeks or like two years. What is happening? Why did that just come out at this moment? Okay, interesting. But what I get to do after is I read it and I throw away the paper. So it's garbage. And that's a ritual for me because it's something that helps me, again, distance myself from whatever thoughts and interesting subconscious or unconscious beliefs and limiting beliefs I want to creep up or whatever it wants. The brain is your biggest ally, but it could also be your greatest enemy. And this is just one way to get your thoughts out of this incredible brain of yours and put it on paper. And then you read it. If it makes sense, it makes sense. If it doesn't, who cares? Then you throw it away. So that's my method. And that's what I do. So those are three, three very simple methods. rituals that I do as a contemplative so that I can descend down below so I can anchor back into what's important to me, what's bigger and greater than my tiny screaming ego. And that sets my day up. This is where I then get to show up as vibrant, as open-minded and open-hearted every day for you, for my clients, for my students. I get to show up in my fullest and greatest. I'm not here to you know, force people to be a certain way. I'm here to, you know, just put the mirror back against your brain and go, look how gorgeous you are. Look how incredible you are. Look at what a beautiful soul that you have. This is what I do every single day because I have taken the time to descend down below so that I can distance myself from all of the crazy ruminating thoughts that come from the inputs, like social media, like the news. Like, you know, whatever you're consuming, right? You know, whatever music you're also listening to, all of that, even your mother or your mother-in-law, right? All of those voices, all of those inputs that are entering your gorgeous mind, you're processing them. You're processing them very quickly. Sometimes they immediately go into the garbage disposer. There's a bucket in my mind of garbage. It's like, oh, that's garbage. Delete it. Delete. I don't care about that. But then there are other things where they linger. And then I ruminate over these things and it's like, wait a minute. I don't live in that country. Why am I freaking out about this right now? Like, oh my gosh. Okay. What do I have control over? Well, I don't have control over what they're doing over there. Oh, but I have control over how I want to perceive this situation. So it's a reminder of what it is that I do have control over and the things I don't. So the inputs that you're taking in, my friend, be careful with them, be aware of them, put into that gorgeous mind. the things that you're going to benefit from, right? Like if there's garbage that you're reading, how is that going to come out? It's going to come out in conversation later. It's going to come out in how you treat your children. It's going to come out in how you treat your staff. It's going to come out unconsciously somewhere, somehow. So this is a way for us to stay aware. to stay aware as contemplatives. This is what makes us deep thinkers. So it is necessary to find rituals, to find ways for us to descend down below. And we use the anchor to remind us of this very important ritual or rituals that we need to do for ourselves so that we can show up vibrant and ready to live into these divine callings. Because we have these incredible sacred responsibilities. And because of the expansive vision that was given to us, we have embodied this energy in this presence. Therefore, we transform those that we lead and those that are following us. Those are five of those spiritual principles I just mentioned. I just rattled them off. And it's the universal leader that we become from these five spiritual principles that we anchor ourselves into. okay, leader, I just saw the time and I'm like, again, oh my gosh, listen, I can be here with you all day. Now, if you want to be with me and you want to have an intimate space for us to do this work and you want to have proximity to me and to others like us, you want to join us inside the sanctuary. So head over to wherever you're watching or listening to this episode and click the link that says the sanctuary. and join us as soon as you can this is the work that you deserve this is the work that you are worthy of doing because you're unlike all of these leaders out here and you know which ones i'm talking about the ones that don't belong in our organizations or in our government or in politics But they're there. They're there. And you, my friend, I want for you to have all the resources and all the strategies so that you can find meaning and great purpose in your leadership role. So join me in the sanctuary. All right, leader. Thank you for your time. I'm wishing you a great rest of your day and I cannot wait to serve you again very soon. But if you want to see me before that, join me inside the sanctuary. Take good care. Bye for now. Hey, before you go, if today's episode served you, please consider subscribing or even leaving a review. Or you can share this with a leader who is desperate to find peace right now. Now, if you're craving a deeper refuge, somewhere where you can return to the stillness, I created a sacred space. It's called the sanctuary. Here is where you can reconnect to your divine assignment. thanks again for listening today reader until next time take very good care bye for now
