Leader, if your title is heavy and your soul is tired, you're in the right place. This show is for the burnt out leader who feels spiritually disconnected and trapped in outdated toxic leadership models. Let me help you restore your presence, your peace, and your purpose with grounded strategies and soul rooted wisdom so you can lead your people with confidence, compassion, and conviction. I am your host and guide, Dr. Denise Simpson. Join me now so we can integrate spirit, science, and strategy. Welcome back. Happy you are here, leader. Thank you for spending some time with me this week and for choosing yourself. So let's get to it because we have a lot to talk about regarding life moving in one direction. Life moves in one direction. We're going forward. We're moving forward. But the problem so many of us compassionate, kind hearted, Spirit-led leaders like us, sometimes we stay in the past and we're dwelling and ruminating. And we're being pulled by those memories. We're being pulled by that trauma. We're being pulled back into that time-space reality in which the event took place in. We are being pulled back as we are recalling those situations. Now, it's usually the situations that have caused great disruption in our bodies that tend to pull us back. I mean, listen, it's harder for me to find a happy, wonderful, joyous memory in leadership. I mean, it's just my brain and like many of ours out here, we are quick to really embed and recall the negative circumstances. You know, those circumstances where we had zero control, where it felt like we were, you know, something unfair happened to us. It was unjust. It was, um, Maybe we were blindsided. It was unpredicted. It was just a horrible experience in leadership, right? The brain is easy to recall those negative circumstances. And so I know it is for me. Maybe it's not for you, but I know for many that I coach, that is the case. And I'm finding that to be true right now inside my certification program. I have a twelve week leadership mastery certification program. And in there we are learning mindset, skill set and strategy. So three variables that in each variable has various components and things that we need to learn before we move into capstone. So there's capstone involved. So it's academically rigorous. And at the same time, I provide weekly coaching. And this could be anything on the table, anything that's coming up for them as they're learning new information, as they are applying this new information and how it's impacting their emotional inner life. And so a lot of coaching is happening in there, which is, I love to coach. What a privilege it is to help another person see for themselves how to untangle a problem. And so as we are coaching some of my students, are easily swept into the past and can stay in the past. And my job as a coach is to help you see the learnings of those circumstances. See, I'm a researcher. I'm a public academic. For me, I see every situation through the lens of, is this controllable variables, confounding variables? What are the parameters of this situation? And so what it comes down to is, did I have control over this? their decisions? Did I have control over what the board of directors implemented yesterday? Am I in control of what the CEO thinks about me? Am I in control of what my clients or my customers take away from this experience? So I'm always looking at circumstances through that lens. What do I have control over? What do I have control over? And so as I'm coaching these incredible students of mine, we're going into some very interesting memories of circumstances where they felt unjust. Something happened that was unfair, something that was terribly wrong. And so it's easy for... a student to tell a story and the rest of the group, you know, in consensus go, yep, oh my gosh, I know what that feels like. I've been there, done that. And so there's the entire group kind of moving into that negative space. And so my job is to move us into, okay, what were we able to control in that very specific circumstance? Probably not much. The only thing, my friends, we have control over is our mindset. It's our own perspective. And yes, the skills and strategies that we have as leaders, that's what we own. That's what we control. And so I have to remind all of us, including myself, because it's easy for me to go back into those negative memories and then go down this rabbit hole of pity and victimization. And it's not like... We don't have a right to feel that way. And some of these circumstances are unjust. For sure. For sure. We have every right to feel the way we're feeling and to call it that. But what I'm here to remind you is that that's not how we're going to solve these situations where our mind wants to pull us back into the negative. And so... I know I've done this many times where my mind, ooh, my mind likes to loop around situations. And because there's unresolution, right? Things are unresolved in my mind, in my body because of a circumstance, I want to go back and try to fix it, negotiate it with myself, try to... run a worst case scenario or what if scenario? Whoa, I should have said this. I should have said that. And so I know firsthand what that feels like, which I think is one of the, one of the many reasons I love to coach because I've been there, done that. I know how to pull a client or a student out of those circumstances because here is the solution, right? we need to take the learnings from those circumstances it's not like we should be afraid to go back into our mind's eye and into our memory banks and and go and relive those situations there's nothing wrong with that and we shouldn't be afraid to do that and especially in coaching we do that we do that in a very you know very safe um uh safe way with processes So I'm not saying let's not do that, but here's how we're going to solve the situation so that you don't go deeper into those rabbit holes. And then we can never pull you out again because you're stuck in the past. You're stuck in those situations. And guess what? That's impacting your present life, your present way of being like forever. I want to take the learnings from the past so that we could see who you've become. Who are you now today because of those circumstances, because of those issues, because of those uncontrollable variables? What are those learnings for you? Oh, now, now tell me, how are you using them today? Who have you become because of those circumstances? Ooh, that's how we solve this. It's not a mystery. This is not a mystery to solve. It is so clear with a coach. Me right here, I'm helping you with this. So you take those past circumstances. And it's good to have enough emotional distance from some of those circumstances. Right now with my students, it's fresh. I get it. It's fresh. These are circumstances that just happened. So, you know, it's fresh. The wound is fresh. The wound is bleeding right now. I get that. And so it's important. If you're in that situation, I'm here to support you no matter what. But if you have... Enough emotional distance from a circumstance. And I said emotional, not time-wise, but emotional distance. There is a difference, okay? Because I mean, I could have, you know, something could have happened yesterday and today I'm like over it because I've had, you know, enough emotional distance that I've been able to process it. But sometimes that's not the case for some folks, right? Depending on the severity of the situation and the players in that situation, I get that much. But if you have enough emotional distance from a situation, oh, the gold you can mine. Oh, there's gold in them hills, my friend. Oh, my gosh. The gold that you can mine. Oh, because you don't want all that pain and suffering to be for nothing. Don't let it be in vain. Take all of those learnings that you can. And it's really just about extracting those general learnings. It's almost like you have to tell your mind, all right, we're going there. We're going there. Now there's emotional distance, maybe even some time. So we've had some distance from that particular event. And now I'm able to look back into that event and extract what I need to extract so that I can see how I can use that today, present moment, because life moves in one direction. So the only time we look in the past is so that we can mine the gold, extract those learnings so that we can see who we are today. What, who have we become because of what happened to us? And again, I know when it's fresh and the wound is open and there's pus, maybe blood, right? All the things, not healed yet. Okay, I get it. I get how that could feel very uncomfortable to do right now. But if you're someone who says, yeah, there's some distance with some of these circumstances, and I think I could do that right now. Good. Okay. Pen and paper, my friend. Take out a pen and paper. Because all you want to do is jot down some notes, right? What comes to mind with that specific event? You don't need to name the players. You don't need to go back into the details of the damage and what happened. No, that's where we say, okay, we're not going to go there because I'm not going down that rabbit hole again. I know how my mind works. And I also know that when I go down a rabbit hole, it's hard to come out of it. So this is where we have these boundaries. And we do this in coaching so well so that we can protect your space, provide safety in processing some of these interesting events that have happened in your life. But this is how we solve this. We take those learnings. That's the solution. Because life is moving in one direction. And it's forward, by the way. It's forward. Life is moving in one direction. So we just go into the past so that we can pull those incredible learnings for ourselves. And what does that do for us? Like, think about when you have the emotional maturity to be able to do this exercise, you get to take those learnings and you turn them into wisdom and Listen, I don't know about you, but I don't care about all the intellect, book smart degrees I have. Who cares? Like it's the wisdom that is one hundred times more valuable than the degrees that I have under my name. those credentials, sure, cool, whatever. But it's the wisdom from all of the failures, from all of those painful moments, those moments that turn from pain to suffering because I didn't have the tools. I didn't have the strategies. I didn't know how to extract the value from those moments. And now I do. And now I get to wear that. I get to wear the wisdom. It's like, yes, I'm here. I'm wise because I didn't take any of those situations for granted. I made sure I was able to go back into those moments, extract the learnings. And now, boy, I am rich, honey, rich in wisdom. And now I'm able to use this wisdom today, present moment, today that I took from the past. And Can't do that if you don't have the guidance to look back. I get it. I get it. This is why what we do in all my programs, we make sure coaching is a very important part priority in anything I offer because this is what's going to happen. As a leader, you're going to experience very uncomfortable, uncertain situations that you have no control over. And things are going to bubble up, things are going to come up. And so here you are now extracting the value, extracting those learnings, becoming this person because of those values, or excuse me, because of those failures and because of those learnings, here you are now using it. Wisdom, wisdom in your leadership practice. And then, and then, because life only goes in one direction, we're going forward. My goodness. Now we get to see how we can use this wisdom in the future, for the future, for our collective, for our movement, for our community members, for our families. This is the linear... I mean, that's the only thing I can say is linear about... you know, about this, this scenario is life is going in one direction. Life, that's it. I mean, I'm aging. And so are you every day, every minute, every second of every day, we are going forward, forward. Life is moving in one direction. And so this is how you solve for that. This is how you solve for those very interesting circumstances that were out of your control, that were unfair, that certainly you didn't deserve to experience, but you did. And so now we look back so that we can mine the gold. We're mining the gold. This is how you become wealthy in wisdom. This is it. This is how you become wealthy in wisdom. And so that's the process. That's the process. It's a very simple process. And I make it very simple because I've done this a million times with my clients and with my students. And of course, with executive leaders at the craziest levels of leadership, my goodness, the highest levels of executive leadership, but then also emerging brand new leaders who are walking into the pipeline bravely. Ha! I was so much courage. I get to support everybody on that spectrum, no matter their education level, no matter their experience level, we all are going to experience these unfair, unjust circumstances. And a process so simple like this is what I get to show you in my programs. So Take a situation right now that you are able to go back into without falling into that rabbit hole and then no one can get you out of it because you're stuck in there. Find a situation, a circumstance where you do have enough emotional distance and then take a piece of paper and pen out and start extracting the gold, extracting the learnings. What did I learn from this situation? And then let your brain just come up with ten different learnings. I mean, and they could be so simple. Like, oh, I'm just going to be quiet. You know, I'm not going to be so reactive. That's a simple learning. But it's a big one, right, as far as leadership? Right? It could be, oh, okay, now I know. Okay. I shouldn't decide with a team. I should come up with some solutions first as the leader and then share these ideas with my team before I get swept up into what the mob wants. So these are learnings that you can take, general learnings. right? General learnings. And that's what you're going to embed and integrate. Ooh, right here, right now, today, present day. That's the wisdom. That's the wisdom. It is now yours. Ooh, because they can't take that from you, my friend. They cannot take the wisdom that you have earned through those very difficult circumstances. That's it. That's the assignment. That's the simple process. You can get started on that right now. Now, if you want professional guidance, I am your person, obviously. I'm the person. I offer coaching in every program I have. So you are always in good hands. So what becomes possible is what I want to end this conversation on. What becomes possible when you take these learnings and you turn them into wisdom? The possibility of you being a more deeply connected, self-aware leader. One of the number one, the number one predictor of success in executive leadership is self-awareness. Self-awareness, number one, that is it, number one. The higher the leader's self-awareness, to higher the impact of their leadership. So this is the possibility. And this is something that you get to use over and over again. This is the wisdom. And so you get to use it today and tomorrow and in the future. So take the time to do this work for yourself. And then I want for you to join me in one of my programs. Right now we are gearing up for a new month in the sanctuary. Ah, If you're burnt out, overwhelmed, disconnected, spiritually disconnected, let me be specific, you're going to want to come into the sanctuary with me. If you're a leader who says, I'd like to reconnect to my divine assignment and these sacred responsibilities, how do I do that? Come see me in the sanctuary. Okay. So you will get group coaching in there with me and it is highly valuable. Sometimes it's just so worth it to sit there and watch me coach another human. For me, it's so gratifying when I have my own coach and I get my own coaching because I also need some help. I need some help. But anyway, so I want for you to seriously consider joining myself and others in the sanctuary. That is the major program right now that I have and that I am offering. But reach out either way if you have questions regarding how I can support you on your leadership journey. Oh, leader, what a wonderful time I've had with you today. Thank you so much for taking the time for yourself, for this moment to contemplate, for this moment to take a problem, see a solution for yourself, and then actually go put this into practice. Extract the value from those learnings so that you can convert it, integrate it into wisdom. Because the higher your self-awareness, the more impactful you are in your leadership practice. Thank you so much for your time today. I'm looking forward to serving you on our next podcast episode. Take very good care. Bye. Hey, before you go, if today's episode served you, please consider subscribing or even leaving a review. Or you can share this with a leader who is desperate to find peace right now. Now, if you're craving a deeper refuge, somewhere where you can return to the stillness, I created a sacred space. It's called the sanctuary. Here is where you can reconnect to your divine assignment. thanks again for listening today reader until next time take very good care bye for now
