Leader, you were born for this, but somewhere between the toxic leaders, broken systems and workplace trauma, you forgot why you said yes to leadership. This show is your invitation to descend, to anchor, to find the stillness beneath the noise so you can ascend back to your team with clarity, conviction and renewed purpose. i'm dr denise simpson and i will guide you through five principles that restore your wholeness and call you back to your original assignment join me now so we can go deeper it's time to find your way back welcome leader happy you are here I have some explaining to do because for the last two weeks or so, even longer than that, but specifically the last few weeks, I've had some interesting personal circumstances that I've had to tend to, which is why I have not been consistent with providing you with a live episode. And I share this because I teach about life's circumstances and the uncontrollable variables that we have to live through and lead through. And I'm living proof of that. So when everything's in chaos, when there is crisis all around you, and you are the leader in the family, or you're the leader in this organization or on this team, it's our responsibility to find anchor points. throughout your day, throughout the circumstance, throughout that event, to find anchor points so that you can distance yourself from the chaos, from the noise, from those uncontrollable variables. I want for you to consider this episode as a reminder to do this for yourself and because you're the leader of your family or of this organization, or even of this team. And we're looking to you, we're looking to you for direction. And if you are not anchored and you are wrapped up in the crisis and the chaos, we're taking your lead and we're going to see, well, that's an example of what we have to do when there's crisis. And Denise, you know, doesn't anchor because she is at the effect of these variables, well, this is normal then. This is how I should behave. And so I know I'm the model of excellence for my organization, for the clients that I serve, for the students that I serve, and of course for my family. I am responsible for anchoring into what is true and what is important because the ego gets flustered and frustrated when it is faced with these uncontrollable variables. And by variable, I just mean an element, a person. an event, a news story, something that your president did, something that your CEO did, right? These are uncontrollable variables. These are variables. I think like a researcher because that is my background. So when I think of a variable that's impacting me, what is the relationship between that variable and how I respond in leadership? That's what I mean by uncontrollable variables. Now, listen, the only thing we can control, the only variables we can control is what happens between these ears. The mind, the body, the nervous system, the spiritual body, the emotional body. Those are the variables that you and I individually have control over. Those are the ones I am very interested in developing, in honing. Because those uncontrollable variables outside of my mind and my body and my spirit and my heart are out of my control. So that energy that we expend in trying to control those variables, futile, useless, It's a waste of time. And so as your coach, I want to bring us right back to, we are the core, the nucleus, the center of our leadership. And I want to hone the skills and definitely the principles of that are going to allow me to anchor into myself again. Like I want to return back to who I am before these variables got a hold of my nervous system and got a hold of my brain and my unconscious, right? Like I want to explore ways to return to my power. And this is what we get to do every single week together. And so my uncontrollable variables in my life the last few weeks that have kept me really have kept me from showing up a hundred percent for you. has been what's been happening with my spouse. He was diagnosed with cancer earlier this year, and we are now treating that with surgery and a process that he's decided upon. And the last two weeks have been really tough, emotionally draining. physically draining, spiritually draining, mentally draining. And that's just for me. Can you imagine for him, the patient? And so I, because I teach this, I am someone who is designed to be in the middle of chaos. I'm someone who's designed to support someone who's in the middle of their storm, right? So I'm designed for this. This is how I've been built. This is why I'm so effective and successful with these executive leaders and CEOs and board of directors and all of these incredible humans who are doing incredible things in the world. I am the person that helps them through transitioning, through that middle of the mess, right? They're in the storm. They're in the storm. And they're like, let me call Denise because I have her on speed dial and she is my trusted advisor. And now I need help. How do I get through this very specific storm? Because I haven't experienced this storm before. But yes, I've experienced many. And I've honed those skills. I'm bringing them to this situation. But nonetheless, I need help. Because this is a new storm with new variables, with new circumstances. And I'm a different human than I was in the last storm, right? Hopefully, I've grown and expanded since then. But still, there is a new storm. And this is why I am hired and why I work so well in the storm with people. So what does the person do who's in the storm that helps others do for herself? What does she do for herself? How does she show up for her own life, for her own circumstances and uncontrollable variables? Well, let me tell you something. I am doing the work alongside my clients, alongside my students, alongside you. But what I won't do is come here in the middle of a womb right in the middle of it where I haven't done the work. That's not fair to you. And that's not how I work anyway. So I'm not going to show up here depleted and not giving you a hundred percent of my energy and my focus and my wisdom. So what does she do? What did I have to do? Well, I had to retreat. exactly what I teach you and my clients. I retreated. I had to detach myself from the surface where all the chaos was because I needed to think for myself because I was getting wrapped up in that storm, honey. I was getting banged around on that boat, honey. I couldn't get my footing because that boat was being swayed by these emotionally violent waves. Ooh, ooh, my goodness. I don't even want to go there again because that was me. That I lived through that. I experienced it. And now after detaching myself from that surface, I plummeted. I descended. I went down, down, down, down to the bottom of the ocean floor where I had to find myself again. There's a lot of neuroscience that's happening in the mind when there's crisis and chaos. The prefrontal cortex, that's your executive decision maker, goes offline because the amygdala comes in and goes, we're about to die and I got to find a way for us to survive. And there's no logical, rational thinking at that time. And I found myself getting carried away, swept away in those emotionally violent waves. Violent, you may be saying, Denise, that's a little dramatic. No, no, not for big thinkers and big feelers like me. So if you know what I'm talking about, you know. If you know, you know, my friend. And so what I had to do was disconnect. first of all, from the variables that were of no use to me. They were not going to help me in the situation. I had to put some things aside. and I had to ask myself, is that urgent? Does that need my attention right here, right now? Is there blood involved? No. Okay. Then I'm going to tend to that in a week or so. We're going to have to push some things back that look like me canceling sessions with my clients that look like me canceling sessions with my community called anchor. That means, you know, canceling my own medical appointments because they weren't urgent and they were just routine preventative stuff. We'll wait a week or so. Let's move that aside, right? I know my capacity. You know your capacity. And we have different levels of intellectual capacity, emotional capacity, spiritual capacity, mental capacity. We have our own you know, measuring cups. And we know that once we reach the brim, right. And Ooh, there's overflow yikes. She's reached saturation point. You can't fit anything else in that, in that, that cup anymore. Okay. What is she going to do about it? This is how we prevent burnout because we know our own reserves. We know our own measuring cups. We know what, what can fit and what can't right. We know when we reached our limit, right. And so I know when I reach my limits and then I have to pull up the reserve. And even when the reserve is not enough, I have to go, okay, that was three rounds of that reserve. And I'm actually now done. And I had to do that. And it looked like saying no to a lot of things. It looked like saying no, not now, maybe later. No, can't talk to you at this moment. We'll call you in about a week or so and things calm down. I'm not my best and I'm not able to share with you what's happening in this moment. Now, I know some of you are saying, but I don't have that luxury. first of all, it's not a luxury. It's available to everybody. Okay. This is an exclusive to me. I've just done the work. I've done the work for so many years where I'm able to talk about this framework and talk to you about step-by-step process here, but it's available to you as well. So if you have to get up every day in the middle of a divorce, if you have to get up every day and go lead your team in the middle of bankruptcy, if you have to get up every day and go and lead your community in the middle of a mental breakdown. I got you. I know. I know what that feels like. And that's what I'm talking about today. And this brings me to our fourth anchor, which is embodied presence. This is the presence anchor. But we got to do the work, my friend. This is why there's three anchors before this fourth one. These are sequential. These are sequential. Let me remind you, the first anchor is the purpose anchor. What is your divine calling? Anchoring right back into that, right? So when you descend, because you got to disconnect, you got to detach, and we're not running away from situations. We're doing this for ourselves. This is the most important self-care tip that I can give you in your leadership career. You come first. Don't tell your children that, but you come first. Don't tell your husband that or your wife that, but you come first. Don't tell the CEO you work for that you come first. You come first before anybody else. So when you say, and you truly embody this, knowing that I come first, you detach, you disconnect, you go, okay, I'm going to drop down below for just a moment. And it doesn't have to be a day. It doesn't have to be a week. It could be five minutes of your time in your office behind closed doors. Do not disturb until I get my shit together because you don't want to see the worst of me. You want to see the best. I'm here to give you my best. So I have to go do what I have to do for five minutes. Give me that. And I'll come back bigger, stronger, wiser, and more alive than ever. So when you choose to detach, it's a choice. It's a choice. So you detach, then you anchor yourself into these five principles. Remember, we're all on four today, but I've covered three, three in the last three videos. You're going to want to go back and watch those. But this fourth anchor ties it all in. There's five, so we still have one more to go. But this fourth one is important, right? The first one, divine calling. What's your purpose? Anchoring right back into that so that you can remember why you even answered the call to lead this family, to lead these people, to lead this community. That's number one. Number two, your sacred responsibility anchor. This is who you serve. Who do you serve? Let's remember who you serve because you were called number one to lead these people in this very specific time, space, you know, energy. This is this moment. This is the moment that you were designed to lead. Number one, you were designed to lead. Number two, who are the people you were designed to lead? Your children, your constituents. your nonprofit community, your board, who do you serve? And that is an anchor to remember your sacred responsibilities to this group. That's anchor number two. Anchor number three is the vision anchor, expansive vision. Oh, that's something that we talk a lot about. And by the way, I train leaders in those competencies of strategic vision. because we need this skill of foresight. And for some, it comes so natural. And for others, we have to build that competency. No worries here. But here I'm talking about something beyond what the eye can see, something beyond what logic can share, can report to you in this moment, this expansive vision that I'm talking about. is when we have to tap into our own calling and who we were called to serve right here in this time, in this very specific time. And where are we taking them? Where are we going together? Because if I'm called to lead this very specific group and where am I going to take them? I want to leave them better than I found them. So I'm going to have to do the work to tap into that vision that was only given to me. Isn't that just so lovely to think about? Wow. And the fourth, the fourth anchor is the one that we're talking about today, the embodied presence. Who you are. Who you are. Who are you? When you show up in those difficult moments, who are you when there's a board of directors that are tearing your idea apart? Who are you when you are in crisis in your family, with your family? Who are you? So Adam Grant, the organizational psychologist, Adam Grant, Um, I heard him talk about the difference between personality and character, and I always reference him and I always give him all the credit. Cause I think it's just brilliant. Um, but he said it so simply for me to understand personalities, how you show up every day, bringing the donuts to your employees, being jolly, being, you know, um, fun and, and, and alive and, you know, playing a part, but it's character. that shows your team, shows yourself too, who the hell you are. Who are you really when you're faced with adversity? Who are you really when you're faced in crisis, when you are in the storm? Who the hell are you? Who are you? I don't care about that jolly little girl that comes skipping in the door on Monday morning with a bag of the best bagels in town or the best donuts in town. Round Rock Donuts, by the way, here in the Austin area. Wow. But never mind that cute little person showing up on that day. No, tell me who the hell you are. Show me who you are when you're faced with adversity. And then I'll know if I can trust you. Because this fakeness, this little cute little show that you put on every day. Okay, cool. But like when the ship's going down, who are you? And that's the embodied presence. That's the presence anchor that I want to talk about today. And that's who I'm showing up as today. It's like, yep, been through some hell and back. Okay. Went through some interesting things the last two weeks. But I had to plummet. I had to descend. And I had to remind myself who I am. And these are the anchors that I use. I use these anchors. These are my anchors. I'm not an expert in any of this. I'm not showing you that this is the best way to find a contemplative path to integrated leadership. This is my framework that's worked for me. You want to try it? Cool. Try these anchors for yourself and see for yourself if they work. Because I'm no guru and I'm no expert in this. This is what's worked for me and this is what I'm sharing with you today. And so I do this work. And so I had to remember, I had to go back, back to remind myself, ooh, I show up in this embodied presence because I know who I am. My personality may suck for some of you, but my character, you want me on your side. You want me steering that ship in a storm. I bet on myself every day when times are hard for sure. I put it all right there. Bet on me because I will make sure that we come out of this alive. That's the character I have. I know some of my employees, I remember saying, God, you know, personality, we don't want to hang out with you. We don't want to have lunch with you. We don't even want to invite you, you know, to you're our boss and your personality is, but dang that character. I trust you with my life here in this organization. I trust you. And that's the energy that I had to remind myself. during these last few weeks of some very interesting circumstances. So what does that look like for you? I've gone through the first three anchors. So when you are in crisis and you are steering that ship, What do you do? Do you run away? Do you blame somebody else? Do you abdicate all your power to those circumstances? Or are you right there in the front saying, bring it, bring it. I'm about to plummet, but don't worry team. I'm coming right back for you, but I need to detach, descend and disconnect for just a moment because I need to remind myself who the hell I am. And so anchor one, purpose anchor. What is my calling? Because I'd have to remember now. Anchor into that. Anchor fully in your nervous system, in your brain, in your spiritual body. Anchor that now. Number two, who do I serve? That's my sacred responsibility anchor. This is my responsibility anchor. Oh, right. I am a mother. I have to lead this crew because this is my divine assignment was to lead this family. So These are my sacred responsibilities, right? Or if you're a leader in the tech company and you're like, well, this is the crew that I inherited. I didn't hire any of these people, but now I'm responsible for these folks. So, okay, let's remind ourselves. And then number three, that vision anchor. Only you leader, only you, only you have that expansive vision, that ability to see beyond what's three D reality. Wow. What power? What power? Don't waste that power. Don't waste those visions. And then number four, what does it look like for you when you embody this energy? Do you stand erect? Is your head held high? I mean, chin up, crown on, shoulders back, spine erect. Oh, listen, that's how I show up. That's how I'm showing up today. Okay. And something I will say, it doesn't mean that we don't feel heavy emotion. This is why we have to descend because of the emotional waves that take over, especially in crisis. This is what I do. And maybe this could work for you too. So embodied presence, find a way throughout your day to recall that. I just want for you to notice how you're showing up in the organization today. How are you showing up in your nonprofit today or even in your family? Are you showing up in this embodied presence of, yep, I know who I am and I know who I'm here to serve. And also I know where we're going because that's where I'm taking us, right? So anchor into that embodied knowing that presence. So when you show up in the room, it's undeniable. No one can ignore your energy because it takes over the room. I heard one of my favorite people to listen to Kathy Heller. She said something like the one who loves the most, who comes in with the most love, the energy of love into a room is the most powerful person in that. So how do you show up in the room? How do you show up in crisis? How do you show up for your family? How do you show up for your teammates? How do you show up for your constituents? embodied energy, embodied presence. It's undeniable. It's undeniable. I walk into a room and it's undeniable. You know that I'm there. I don't have to utter a word. I don't have to say a single thing to you. You will know that I'm there because of the energy that I bring forth into that room. It's like a great wave. Ooh, it's like a great wave of energy that follows me everywhere. And by the way, it leads everywhere. that it leads and it follows me. I am the wave. So that wave of energy, and you get to choose what that is. Is it love? Like Kathy Heller says, is it joy? Is it groundedness? Is it steadiness? Is it peace? See, for me, I choose what energy I want to embody and bring into that room. So before a board meeting, I'm I'm a great wave of steadiness. I want for them to know that they can trust me in money, in stewarding the finances that they have granted me. I want them to know that they are safe. This is a safe person with a safe business and someone who's going to hold up integrity and morality in how she uses money. these funds. Like I know the context and the energy I want to bring into that context. And so if I'm walking into a hospital room because my sister's about to have ankle surgery, I bring in that energy of levity. I bring that energy of I'm here and I'm here to bring joy. And I'm here to remind you that you are loved. Like I want to bring and usher this great wave of joy for her. And I think I did that. Ask my brother-in-law. I think he would agree. Same thing with my spouse. That's a different context, different energy that I need to bring into the room, into his doctor's appointments. What energy was I bringing into the room in pre-op before he went into surgery? Ooh, let me tell you, I was grounded. I was rounded because it's easy for me to go into joy and go into love, but I was solid for him. I needed him to know this is the energy you can expect because I embody this. But see, we wouldn't know how to do that unless we anchor ourselves. And this is why these anchors are in sequential order. They're so important. And again, this doesn't take a sabbatical to get right. It could take five minutes of just going through these five anchors. Five minutes is all you need to descend and return to yourself. Because after we anchor ourselves, we ascend back. to our teens, to our family members. This is why it's important we anchor so that when we show up for them, we know who the hell we are, we know who we're serving, we know where we're going, and we know who we are. Those are the five anchors. The four anchors, four anchors. The fifth one is coming up next week. So start asking yourself, When I'm in crisis and there are uncontrollable variables that I'm facing, what do I do? What are my patterns? What are my habits? What are my emotional patterns? Ooh, because some of us, we return back to our five-year-old tantrum little selves, right? It's like, oh, the five-year-old little girl's coming out right now and she's really pissed. And oh my gosh, this is a pattern and I have to break that pattern. And I now need to find ways to like, find a better way to process some of these emotions. Holy moly. See, you know yourself, you're onto yourself. Don't hide from yourself. Your results will show the world who you are. So we know who you are by just seeing your behaviors and the actions and the results that you've created in your life. That's all I have to see is what you've created. And then I can tell you, this is what we need to fix. And here's how we're going to do it. So be onto yourself this week before we meet again for our final anchor. So before I let you go, leader, I'm going to invite you into a private workshop with myself and some other leaders. We're going to go through these anchors. Yep. We're actually going to plummet. We're going to descend together. So get ready. This is a moment to show you exactly what I'm talking about, what I do for myself and what my clients are doing for themselves. so they can ascend back to their teams with courage, with clarity, with purpose, with conviction. And I want you to experience this for yourself. So if you're someone who is in the middle of a storm, let's go. Now's the time. If you're someone who says, well, I just went through something and I want to be prepared every single day moving forward, this is for you. So whether you are in it or you've experienced crisis, this is going to serve you very well, especially if you are leading humans with souls. Human soul, that's kind of, that's redundant, but with souls. people with souls. This is the work you need to do, especially if you're serving these people with souls. Okay. Check the link in my show notes or head over to, gosh, I wish I had that link right at the top of my head. It's probably drdennysimpson.com forward slash anchoredworkshop. Anchored Workshop, or click the link down below and get on that reserve list so that I can send you the link the day we go live so we can do this experience together. It's about experiencing this in your mind to find relief in your soul, to find peace in your nervous system. This is why these monthly experiential workshops are important for me to do and for me to show you so that you can go put this work into practice, right? What's the point of a good theory if we can't put it into practice? That's what I say as a researcher. I'm like, yeah, sure. Theory's cute, huh? But can I use this? Is this useful? And I promise you, this is useful. It may just change your life. I know it'll change the way you lead for sure. All right, leader. Fantastic time serving you today. Thank you so much. I am looking forward to our next episode together. And I just want to wish you a wonderful rest of your day. And I will see you all very soon. Take good care. Bye for now. You came here for a reason, and that reason is bigger than you know. If today's episode stirred something in you, that stirring is your assignment calling you back. Don't ignore it. Here's what you can do next. Subscribe, leave a review or share this with a leader who forgot why they said yes. And when you're ready to go deeper, my friend, join me in my program. It's called Anchored. This is where we descend into the five principles that restore your wholeness and return you to your original assignment. The world needs the leader that you were born to be. So head over to my website at drdeniessimpson.com to learn how you can join me inside my program called Anchored. Until next time, take very good care.
