00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power. So they can lead like visionaries influence with grace and create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems, navigating their success in life, business, and career. If you're ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.
00:48 Hey leader, welcome back. Happy we are chatting it up again this week. And today's episode topic is about faking it till you make it. There are so many of us that get thrusted into leadership and we are left without any resources, right? We have convinced somebody we've persuaded somebody. We said we could do it. We took the challenge. We accepted the challenge. We're now leaders, but here's, what's interesting. Once we hit an obstacle or there's obstruction in our leadership, we freak out the brain goes into holy crap. It's the end of the world. They're gonna figure me out. I'm not that person. I'm not the person they thought I was. right. How many of us go through that? Right? We have the courage to say, hi, I'm here and I can help. Right? We're the first ones to raise our hands. We're the first ones to say, there's gotta be a different way.
01:50 And I think I know that way. And I wanna try this. And so we put ourselves out there and we put ourselves on this path to leadership, right? We make it visible. We make it known. We tell our leaders, our supervisors, that we are the ones we are the next ones. And they take us for our word. They hire us or they promote us. And we are leaders, right? Like automatically snap of a finger. You're a leader. Now go get to it. Okay. So now we need to put your money where your mouth is, right? You said a few things you said I could do this. Trust me, I'm resourceful. I believe in myself. And I believe in my employees and I'm going to be the change that needs to happen here. I'm gonna be the person or the catalyst to make change happen. I'm there.
02:42 I was there many, many, many times. And so this idea of faking till we make it is we're faking it. We're telling people, we're pretending some of us are taking it a little too far telling people that we are the chosen one. Okay, I get it. But now once you get promoted, it's time to show them what you got. So we can't fake it anymore. We cannot fake it. And this is why so many of us suffer from imposter syndrome. We suffer from holy crap, we got the job. What now? Oh my gosh. They're gonna figure me out. This is a fluke. This is just luck. What did I get myself into? How many times have you said those words in your brain or out loud, they're gonna figure me out. This is that whole idea of imposter syndrome, right? You work really hard on earning on gaining on achieving everything.
03:40 You need to get that job, right? Like that's, that's for sure. Like that is something that is unquestionable. You did an amazing job to get where you're at. But once you get that job and you have an obstruction, it could be an employee, a difficult one. It could be a policy that is keeping you from making a clear decision. It could be the culture of, of your department or the region you oversee, right? A culture of stagnation, a culture of lack, you know, name it, right. It's an obstruction to your leadership. So now we get to see what you're made of. Yeah. This is where your leadership identity comes out. This is where now you get to demonstrate your leadership. It's not all talk anymore. Now you get to show them your skills. You get to show them the strategies you get to implement these strategies.
04:31 You get to create connection with your employees. You get to help them believe in something bigger and greater than themselves. It's now time for you to show up. And a lot of us are stuck. So as soon as we hit an obstruction and we tell ourselves, whoa, now I have to come through. Now they're counting on me. What am I gonna do? This is not what I actually signed up for. And now I'm freaking out. So the brain is going to present to you. All of the reasons why you should not be in leadership, all of the reasons, why it was a mistake for them to hire you or promote you into leadership, your brain will present all of the evidence. It's gonna scour your neurology. It's gonna go back into memories and you'll be surprised that little sneaky brain is going to bring things from your childhood, from your past, from what your mother told you or somebody your teacher told you, right?
05:32 I mean, how many of us were told? You're just not that great in math. Wow. Wow. But she is, your sister is, but you, wow. You're not like what, what does that have to do with present day context? Like what what's going on here. But that's what the brain is designed to do. It's going to pull from every deep, dark corner in your mind to present to you. Why you shouldn't be there, why you shouldn't go forward. And so what happens to some of us, we freeze. We stay in a frozen state. We don't know what to do. We spin in our wheels. There's a ton of overwhelm. We're unclear on the direction, on what to do next on the action. Step to take next. Right? Some of us fight. We'll fight it out. Somehow we'll either, you know, fight it out with our employer.
06:24 We'll fight it out with an employee. We'll fight it out within ourselves. Right. Duke's up or ready to fight like, whoa, defensiveness, how dare, how dare you put me in this position. So now, so who do you, who do you think you are? Right? And so we get into this defensive mode and that's just the nervous system reacting in one of several ways. Right? We freeze some of us, we fight some of us. While some of us flee, we get the hell outta Dodge. We're like, you know what, this isn't what I was cut out for. This is not what I'm cut out to do. I gotta go D demote me, put me back into the trenches there. I'm just, I'm not cut out to do this. Right? Some of us do that, we just flee. We're like, I'm outta here. I don't wanna deal with it.
07:10 I don't wanna deal with any negative emotion. I don't wanna deal with being found out. I'm outta here. Yeah. That's the third thing that you possibly you can possibly do in a situation like this. And the fourth thing is called fawning as in AAW, as in a baby, dear fawn, right? We are people pleasers. That's what fawning means. We, we, we get into this mental state of wanting to please so that we're not in trouble so that someone doesn't see us as a threat, we want to, you know, like a dog showing their belly. Like, I'm not a threat. Look, look, I'm showing you my belly. I'm vulnerable. That's what fawning does. And so in this context of faking till you make it, and then when you know, stuff hits the fan, it's time for you to produce it's time for you to demonstrate your leadership.
08:04 You may be doing one of those four things, but that's natural. Cuz the brain will react in a certain way, depending on how you are conditioned depending on your patterns, depending on any previous trauma, right? Big tea, little tea, trauma, big tea is like the major trauma that we've experienced, like abuse and, and, and other, other boundary violating, um, activities. And then the small T is small trauma, like a, a, you know, a conversation with someone that, you know, said something negative to you and it's now anchored in you. So it's a smaller level of trauma, right? But the brain is going to react in a certain way. And it's really just your nervous system going. Oops, okay. It's automatic. You're gonna react in one of these four ways. And why I feel it's important for us to talk about this is because so many of us are caught in this context.
09:00 We are caught in a circumstance like this. I want for you, dear, dear leader, to not be caught unprepared. I want for you to prepare yourself with the tools that you need to be an exceptional leader. Yes. Exceptional. Right? Cause they're not normal. We don't, this is not the norm. At this point, I haven't gotten my hands on the millions of professional women in the workforce yet. So I want for you to think of your exceptional leadership. How will you be prepared when paired, when things like this happen, cuz listen, there's ebbs and flows to your leadership depending on the circumstances, depending on the external circumstances that are affecting the organization, trust me, it'll affect you and your employees. I mean think about what we're going through right now, right? A, a global pandemic. We're going through some very interesting things right now in our administration and a lot of things that are affecting our supply and demand our economy at this moment in time.
10:02 And so it's important that we have the tools ahead of time so that we can plan for these challenges. So we can plan for the crisis for the chaos that will ensue in times of a hardship like this, listen, you can't control the economy. You can't control government. You can't control your employees. But what you can do is control your mind. You can control your mind. You can control the skills that you develop as a leader and the strategies that you will implement every day. You, my friend can control that much. I promise you that nothing else outside of your brain, are you able to control? And so this faking it till you make it and winging it on the job is doing you a disservice. It is causing you more stress and anxiety and suffering unnecessarily. So what I want to do is help you see for yourself, it's time to prepare for the next crisis.
11:02 So whether you're an emerging leader or a seasoned C sweeter, meaning you have a chief executive position in your organization, no matter the level of leadership knowledge that you have. I want for us to come all together right here, right now and prepare for the next crisis, the next chaos, the next challenge. And I have the tools to help you do that, especially when it comes to the mindset of a leader. Cause it doesn't matter the strategies or the skillset that you have. If your mindset, my friend is not in order. None of that, none of that will matter. The skills that you've developed will not matter the strategies that you have will not matter because your mind runs the show, your mind will run. What skills you utilize in that moment automatically your mind will also run what strategies you implement. But when you have the mindset that is clear, you can do all of this automatically.
12:08 The skills will come automatically. The strategies will come automatically right now, they're coming automatically without the mindset work. That's the key takeaway here. The mindset is the precursor to a successful, impactful leadership practice, the mindset. So this whole faking to make it is not gonna cut it anymore. My friend, your employer expects more. Your employees deserve more and you are ready. You are ready and eager. So let's get your mindset ready. So that the next time you find yourself in crisis, you find yourself in an, in an opportunity to learn through a challenge, you will have the mindset to get you out of any circumstance. Trust me, skills can be learned. Strategies can be learned. The mindset needs to be disciplined. And that's where we start as leaders. So dear, dear leader, we need to stop winging it, right? It's one thing to learn on the job, right on the job training.
13:15 That's fantastic. But what I want for you to do is look a little deeper into your development. As a leader, your organization should be investing in your professional development. Go knock on somebody's door and ask, is there a budget for professional development? I am a leader. I am a new leader maybe. Or this is a new position for me. I am looking for leadership training opportunities. What is in the budget to do that? Where can I get this training? It's time that we take ownership of our own development. Go knock on their door. And if they tell you, actually we don't have a budget. Then that's where you get to do some negotiating and you get to influence or inspire or persuade someone in that office to set aside some money for your development. It is to their benefit to train you as a leader.
14:13 And if they do not have that opportunity, they say absolutely not. That's not even possible. Okay, fine. And what I want for you to do is turn the tables on yourself. I want for you to take full accountability for your development. By investing it yourself, my friend, you invested so much in your formal education. Why are we not investing in your leadership training and development? Oh goodness. I cannot stress this enough. My friend, we are masterful leaders. We are taking ownership of our own development. We want to be better leaders. We deserve it. So do our employees and it's time that we do something about it. So no more winging it, no more faking till you make it. It's really hard for me to say those phrases because I, although I've, I've been there before, it's something that I don't stand for anymore. There's too much at stake.
15:18 Don't leave your leadership to chance. No, if we can control our mindset and develop our skills and implementation of our strategies, why wouldn't we want to take ownership of that? We have full control of that. We do not have control of anything else, including our employees. So it's up to you dear leader, to take full responsibility and control of what you can control and control. Oh, all right. My friend, I hope you found today's episode helpful. You know, I bring these topics to you every week in the moment in real time. So if it's something that I'm dealing with or perhaps it's something that my clients are dealing with, I'm gonna present it to you because I'm not gonna coach you on something that I've not experienced. That's my role, my duty, my obligation as a leadership coach, to leaders like you, I come with full transparency and vulnerability. And again, I will not coach you on anything that I have not yet experienced myself. All right, my friend have a fantastic rest of your week. I will be here to serve you again on our next episode. Take good care. Bye for now.
16:36 Hey, if you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to join me inside my exclusive coaching membership for women in leadership. Just like you. I wanna help you become a masterful leader with the help of a community of the most powerful women on this planet. My membership is called masters of leadership. Yes, of course it would be called that . So whether you're a novice or a master, you have to join us. You're gonna get the support that you need and deserve inside my membership. So head over to Dr. Denise simpson.com/m O L. That website again is Dr. Denise simpson.com/m O L. You deserve this, my friend. So join us inside. See you soon.
