00:08 Hi, I am Denise Simpson, a master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power so they can lead like visionaries, influence with grace, and create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems navigating their success in life, business and career. If you're ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.00:46 Hey, what is happening? My friends, good to see you all. I'm so excited to be coming on here with you. It is December one. It is almost the end of 2023. I'm kind of excited about this. I'm looking forward. There are a lot of things that have happened in the past few months that has really questioned my identity as a business owner, as a wife, as a parent, as someone who thought she had it all together. And some external circumstances have come into the picture, which has now made me really question everything. And so this is the reason why we are talking about this subject today, how to change your past without getting anybody involved but yourself. How to change your past. This is really critical work we're going to do today. And so it's going to require some self honesty. It's going to require some self-awareness.01:53 It's going to require self mastery, but we're going to do the best that we can in the short amount of time that we have today. But I want to bring this conversation to the table because we're about to end a very interesting year for some, like in my case, very personal setbacks, a lot of interesting circumstances, situations, events that are were beyond my control. And I want to look forward into 2024. I want to look into the future. I want to be inspired by those learnings that I've taken from those events. I want to be curious about what the future looks like. I'm excited about 2024, but we got to do some work. And it starts with changing our past circumstances, some of these negative events in our past, some of the trauma, some of the bad memories, and we want to take those learnings so that we can keep moving forward.02:54 So if you're new to our podcast, my name is Dr. Denise Simpson. I am a leadership coach, life coach to executives in the C-suite. I have been in this line of business for over twenty-six years, and I'm still doing the work because I am a student. I'm a student first and foremost. Before teaching comes into the picture, I'm always learning and evolving. And because I'm human, like all of us out here, I too experience negative situations, trauma and certainly bad events, events that have yielded bad things in my life. And so I'm doing the work alongside you and my clients. And so this is an important topic because it's the end of the year. I mean it is 2024 is around the corner. And I want to be able to look in my past and be able to have peace with it. There's the past. There were circumstances, there were events in our past, not only in our personal lives, but external circumstances like world conflict and many other things that are happening in our economy and so forth.04:14 So there are a lot of things that have impacted the way we're looking at our future. And the only way to look forward is to take a moment, take a pause, take a moment of reflection to look back to at those circumstances. And so the topic of our show today is how to change your past without getting anybody involved. This is all internal work. It is all personal work that we're doing today. And if you are here, please make sure you comment. Let me know that you're here. Let me know that you are excited about this conversation. I know it's exciting because we're building a fantastic future. We're building a future filled with joy and fulfillment, and we're going to use curiosity to get there. And so if you've had an interesting year like I have, then this is going to be the episode for you.05:16 And so welcome. And again, please make sure you comment along the way. So everybody has negative events in their past. Some were trauma induced, some are bad memories that we have kept, some are filled with a lot of regret, a lot of shame and a lot of guilt. And as we look back at 20 twenty-three, I want for you to identify an event, a circumstance or situation that happened that yielded some negative emotions or negative results in your life. Now here's the disclaimer. I'm not a therapist. I'm a trauma-informed coach, which means I'm able to identify when a client is activated during a session. And when that happens, we end our conversation and I forward them to a referral to a therapist, and sometimes we work in tandem with a therapist. So that's a disclaimer that I want to share with you today. If you are already seeking help, excellent. This conversation today is to inform you it is not to substitute any mental health care or medical care. So just know that this is a conversation that we want to keep on the surface.06:47 And we're going to start with looking at an event that happened in the last 11 months of this year. And this event could be a breakup of some sort. It could be a separation of some sort. It could be maybe an office situation. Maybe you are a leader, maybe you are an employee, and perhaps there was an event that took place in the workplace that you want to look back on because there's still some resolving that needs to take place. There's still some things that you want to pull from from that event so that we can close that loop in our minds and in our nervous systems and in our bodies. And we're going to do that today. And so I want for us to keep in mind too that it's important that we look forward. I always use this analogy with my clients. We're looking in the rear view mirror, we're at the driver's seat, and we've got a rear view mirror here.07:56 But instead of focusing on our future and instead of focusing on our past, we're continuously looking in the rear view mirror. And so you can't do both. You have your hands on the wheel. And so I want for you to draw your focus and attention to the future, to the road ahead. And so I know we look in the rear view mirror to make sure that we don't have any objects behind us that we didn't, we didn't cause an accident behind us. We're looking at all the views around our car so that we know all the drivers on the road and where they're going. I get that. But in this analogy, so many of us are spending a lot more of our focus on the past, and we're looking at that rear view mirror and neglecting to look forward, neglecting to look to the right or the left of us.08:50 And so we're going to do that today. We're going to try to take a peek in the rear, right? We're going to look behind us so that we can have some closure there, and so that we can take those learnings and so that we can move forward on this road. And for me, forward is 2024 for me is it's looking in the past. And like I said, a lot of interesting things have happened in my personal life, in my family, in my business, in my career that's allowed me to question my values and to question my belief systems. And these were events that were out of my control. We're going to talk a little bit about being proactive versus reactive to circumstances, but know that the intent here is to take a moment to look back so that we can then focus our attention looking forward.09:47 And so I tell you this because again, I'm not the only person that has experienced some setbacks this year. Some were very painful, some were very regretful. There were moments where I regretted my behavior, moments where I wish I had responded differently, moments where I realized that I had some unresolved things that I needed to get through. And so it was an opportunity for me to take those learnings and really allow me to assess who I am today and where I'm going. And so the past year, this year has felt unbalanced for me and maybe for you too, right? Again, painful events, some circumstances, some situations. Again, beyond my control, beyond your control. And I know we can't control others. This I know I'm in the business of leadership. I understand that influence is how we inspire our employees to take action and to change behaviors and to change belief systems.11:00 I understand that much even as a parent. We know we can't control our children. We think we are controlling them, but what we need to do is influence them because when they leave us and they will, they go off on their own and we can't control their behaviors and we can't control their actions, but we need to do the best we can while they're under our attention and our care to influence these behaviors that'll benefit them in the long run. And so I know that much. I know we can't control others, and you can do your best to influence your children, to influence your employees, even your community members. But ultimately, right control is out the window. And that's something that I really had to learn this year, especially because of how many situations and circumstances that felt like bombarded our lives this year that I had to take a step back and say, is the world gaslighting me?12:04 I remember saying that a few times the past few months. I was like, is the world gaslighting me? Am I not supposed to feel this bad? I hadn't felt this much emotional turmoil in a very long time. I want to say maybe like seven, eight years. This was the ultimate punch in the gut. And then questioning my own values and questioning my own beliefs about where I belong in this world, what I'm supposed to do in this world, what my purpose is in this world. And so it was so interesting because the delusion, right? We all have this, not that we're delusional, but the illusion of control may turn into delusion. But a lot of us have this illusion that we control everything and then life has a way of showing us that that's actually not true. And so when you experience an event or a circumstance or a situation and the results have yielded trauma or pain and suffering, you are left with the remnants of these memories.13:14 And when it's unprocessed, when those memories are so fixated in our brain and in our neurology, it's hard to process those events. And so enough time, I hope has separated you from those events that we're now able to look back, we're able to look back and we're able to process what regret we're feeling if you're feeling any shame or guilt, right? So when these remnants, I call 'em remnants of these memories because that's what stays in our body, that's what is fixated in our nervous system. And because of these memories, we then become those memories and then our future, we can't see the future again, looking in the rear view mirror of your car and not able to focus on the road ahead of us because we're stuck looking in the past. And you can't do both at the same time. You can look back or you can look forward, but you cannot do both.14:17 And that's what we're doing with these events. We're looking back and we're not able to move forward. And again, this disclaimer very clear, I'm not a therapist. I'm a trauma-informed coach. So when we do our work together today, and by the way, I'm going to invite you to join the institute where we do curriculum design with neuroscience in mind and coaching and psychology. So there's so much work that goes into this neuroscience research-backed curriculum that we build for our clients in the institute. So we're going to touch on just a few things today. So know that if you want deeper work, the opportunity is there for you right now to join us inside the institute so that we can do this masterclass together, which is coming up in just a few weeks. And we serve our clients weekly in private coaching sessions. Our clients get private coaching so that we can take these masterclass, this masterclass information, and then we unravel it, we gain clarity around it so that we can then move forward with inspired action.15:29 And so know that that invitation is forthcoming. So stick around to the end of our time together. But again, today we're just going to cover a little bit of what we're going to dive into in our masterclass in December, and it's now December one, my dear leader. It is now time to do this work so that we can prepare for 2024 so that we have all the tools and the resources that we need so that we can create intentionally on purpose a future that is our doing. It is our creation, and we get to create a clear future. We get to create a peaceful one. I mean, how many of you want that right now? I mean, I want peace in my body and my nervous system in my family, in my community, in the world that I serve in. Of course, we want to be clear about our purpose in this life, and we also want to have peace in how we navigate through this life.16:33 And so there's a lot that I want in 2024. And again, I had to go back to doing this work because of how painful and how some of these events really turned into suffering for me because it was unprocessed, it was unresolved, and I had to return to being a student instead of a teacher here, and I had to do the work. And so now I'm able to talk about this. I'm able to build a curriculum around this so that come in just two weeks from now, we're going to have a deep dive, a very, it's called a masterclass for a reason. It's comprehensive. This is where we really get down and do the work. So our podcast episodes, again, surface level information, enough information, however, for you to go take some action. But if you want that deeper work, this is where we're going to get to do that together.17:21 So stay tuned. The invitation is coming. So listen, this is the work that requires self honesty, self awareness, and self mastery. There is sequential order here. First, it's self honesty. We have to come to terms with the past. We're going to have to look and take a peek in the past. Now, again, as I mentioned, I'm not a therapist. I'm a trauma-informed coach. So if an event is activating for you, let's put that aside. And I want for you to choose a different event for us to look at today, and I want for you to just keep this on the surface for the moment so that we can get through this activity together. That is my disclaimer for us today, because self honesty is going to require us to come to terms with what we did, what we did wrong, how we contributed to the problem, how perhaps we were the ones that were victimized in the process.18:21 Self honesty is an opportunity for you to go, okay, there were some things I could have done differently and some things that we're out of my control. And we want to come to terms with those things. And so we're going to practice some self honesty and we're going to practice also some self-awareness. We're going to practice self mastery, and we're going to again take a deeper dive into this work in the workshop. And hi, Eugene, I see you happy Friday. It is December one. I'm so happy you're here. Thank you, thank you. We are here together to do some really great work. And so if you're watching this, make sure you forward this to someone that you feel could benefit from this work that we're doing together. This is the work that we get to do as leaders. It's our duty. It's our obligation to do that because I always say, if this is impacting your leadership, if your personal circumstances and events and situations are impacting your leadership, then it's on the table to discuss.19:24 It's on the table to resolve. And this is why in the institute, we're able to balance both sides of our lives, right? Balance the life and balance our leadership practice. And so this is the work we get to do inside the institute. So again, I know this is hard work. This is the hard work that we get to do as leaders. And so let's get into the first tip I have for you as you're doing this work, I want for you to keep in mind that there is a difference between being proactive and reactive. What's interesting, I talk so much about this in leadership, I talk about how we leaders have to be proactive and that we show up as our highest selves as leaders when we're proactive, when we're preparing for a problem ahead, what we're doing, what we can, what's within our control and our team's control to be proactive so that we can mitigate, so that we can interrupt, so that we can disrupt a problem from happening.20:29 So being proactive is important. Reactive is where the event has occurred, and now we're reacting with all of our emotions and minus our logical reasoning minds. We're actually doing more harm than good when we are reacting in the moment. And when you react, emotion is high and logic is low. That's the research. And so what we get to do as leaders is we get to discipline ourselves. We get to build that muscle of proactiveness. Now, here's something really interesting. If you're in Texas, where I am in the Austin area, there was a great Texas freeze. It happened a few years, not back to back, but they were a few years apart. And here we were with the news, making sure that we were proactive and preparing for this disruption. It was going to be disruption in electricity, disruption in food supply. We needed to get proactive and were, and the news did a great job in preparing us for what was coming Texas, however, but that's a whole other story.21:40 And so my family and I did what we needed to do. We got ready with the food, with the water, and by the way, we lost power. We lost electricity, we lost water. We lost everything for three days. And here we were, however, thinking we were proactive in getting ready for this storm. But then in the moment, we were reactive right in the moment of the actual event where now reality was in our phase, like, okay, so now it's go time. We did everything we could to be proactive and now shoot, we got to be reactive here because people are being hurt out here. People did not prepare for this. And so we were reactive because of that moment. And I bring this up because so many of us tried to prevent negative circumstances from happening to us, going back to the control, the illusion of control that we actually do not have.22:47 And so prepare yourself, yes, being proactive in an event, in a circumstance, in a situation, but it's not until the event occurs or is past, and we realize, whoa, did I react very interestingly? Oh gosh, I shouldn't have said that to her. Oh my goodness, I shouldn't have broken up with this person. Why did I speak to my employee this way? It's hindsight, hindsight, 2020. And so what we do is we try to hedge our bets. We do things to prevent great loss or failure because we are trying to control the circumstances. And so we're looking in our past and we're looking at trying to control these circumstances, right? Hindsight, 2020, we now can look back and say, okay, well, I wasn't proactive in that situation. Actually blindsided me, had no idea that was going to happen. And so here we are now reacting to that circumstance.23:42 There's things again that we can prevent and things that are beyond our control. And that's why I want you to keep in mind this concept of proactive versus reactive. So now that we're doing this work together, today, we're looking back and we're going to now look back and say, okay, what could I have done to be proactive? What could I have done to have prevented that from happening? Was any of this in my control or was this something that was beyond my control? Did I not see the red flags? Was I not able to see the behaviors of these people? And so that's what we get to do now with this distance that we have between today and the circumstance. It's just occurred or has occurred. And so keep in mind that reactiveness, that's normal. Sometimes these circumstances, again, were a blind side of us, beyond our control.24:34 And so what we get to do in this reactive stage is we get to pay close attention to our emotions, our behaviors, how we reacted in the moment. So look back at that event, and I want for you to take note, take note of how you responded, how you reacted to the players in that event, to the people in that circumstance or situation. And I want you to jot down what were my thoughts that I was having at that moment? What emotions overcame me at that time? What actions did I take? And more importantly, what were the results that I created in that event? Could I have done things differently? Could I have done things? Could I have said something different in this situation? And so again, we're looking at this event with this impartial spectator approach. We get to have this separation because we're not deep in the emotional event anymore.25:32 We're separate from it. So now we're able to assess it, and now we're able to evaluate it and listen, if the answer is yes, I could have done things differently, then I want for you to take the learnings from that event. This is what we do as leaders. We take learnings, we even show our team members, our employees, the learnings of their mistakes, learnings of failed projects. And so that's all you're doing here. Leaders looking at that event and saying, okay, well, I could have done some things differently. That's right. I could have done something. I could have reacted differently. I could have behaved differently. I could have maybe delivered that information differently. And so if the answer again is yes, I could have done things differently than I want for you. Again, take note of those learnings. The learnings is where the gold is in those events, right?26:22 Because we can't control these circumstances. There are things beyond your control. Remember proactive versus reactive. We can do the best we can to be proactive in an event, but it's not until we're reacting to the circumstance. I, so whether you have gone through a separation, you've gone through a breakup, you've gone through bankruptcy this year, you've gone through some family issues. I've had a few interesting things this year that I don't wish upon anybody. I mean, honestly, it's life. And this has been the hardest year so far. This has been the most difficult year for myself and my family so far. And what I'm able to do and share with you today is, okay, let's have that impartial spectator approach and that separation from the acuity of those emotions in that event. And this is why I say I'm not a therapist. I'm a trauma-informed coach.27:19 I'll keep saying this until my last breath, because I want for you to understand that if you have a reaction to what we're talking about today, you need to seek help and you can reach out to me and I can refer you to a great therapist. We have, I refer so many of my clients to some great mental health healthcare out here. And so I just want for you to go back to this exercise. If yes, you could have done something differently, take the learnings. What could you have done differently, right? Again, hindsight is twenty-twenty, we're now moving forward. We're leaving that event in the past. This is how you change your past. You don't need to get players involved. You don't need to go back to that circumstance per se. But you can look back and say, well, okay, I could reframe that for myself by taking those learnings where the gold is, that's where the gold is.28:13 And now I get to move forward into twenty-twenty-four with these new learnings. Don't let those circumstances go to waste. Don't let them be in vain like all the pain and suffering that we have endured this year. Don't let that be wasteful. Go back and take those learnings so that we can move forward into a joyous, fulfilling, curious, peaceful, loving the work we're doing. This is how we get to change our past so that we can again, take those learnings and keep moving forward. That's a thing. It's keep moving forward. But in order to move forward, we have to close some things. We have to close some loops in our minds, and sometimes it is external relationships where we do have to close some relationships. I had to sever a few this year because they were not going with me into twenty-twenty-four. These were relationships that were toxic and hurtful and painful. And yes, I could have done things differently. Sure, I could have responded differently. My reactionary for me, how I react is anger. It's my go-to if you know me, you know me. And so there are things that I regret, things that I could have done differently, my friends.29:35 And so I just want for you in whatever circumstance that you want closure on whatever event that happened this year that you want closure on, this is how we do it. We take a moment to reflect on what those circumstances were, how we responded to those circumstances, and what we could have done differently. And if you say, no, actually my answer is no. Could not have done anything differently. It happened the way it happened. That's it. Great. We have no reason to hold back on 2024, but if you're telling me no, and there's some regret and there's some shame and there's some guilt that comes up, then find peace with that. Do the work to then get that closure so that you can fully move forward. Because there's times where I say, oh yeah, no, they were jerks. They treated me badly. Couldn't have done anything differently.30:32 It's all them. All of them. Okay, hold on, let's take a moment. But how do you, how did you react to that? And do you feel good about how you responded? And if the answer is, well, no, actually I don't feel good about it, actually, I misbehaved. There are some things I said and people I hurt, and actually there's a little bit of that bubbling up. Then find peace with that. That's what I had to do in some of these circumstances. I was putting the blame on these people. I was making them the villains of the scenario. And it's like, you know what? I don't have to have, there's no victim or villain here. I really had to do the work on unraveling that. I'm like, you know what? I'm not a victim. There are things that I actually could have done differently. And so I'm going to stop blaming them for this, and now I'm going to take ownership of this and I'm going to take the learnings and I'm going to move forward.31:27 And guess what? I didn't have to apologize to anybody. I didn't have to call anybody. I didn't have to email anybody. You see how you can change your past without getting people involved? This episode is not about, hey, calling everybody and saying, I'm so sorry I mistreated you. Please forgive me. No, we're not doing that unless you want to. But the work we're doing to is for your sake, right? It's for your perspective on 2024. It's to then close these loops, the mental loops in your mind and in your nervous system that you have yet to close because we haven't processed these events. And listen, this doesn't have to be such deep work. Keep this superficial. If you want, keep this on the surface. Take the deeper work than to your therapist like I do. I mean, there's so much coaching can do here, right?32:20 That's why the disclaimer, I'm not a therapist. I'm a trauma-informed coach. But if you're someone that really needs to dive deeper into an event that occurred this year, then my recommendation is go seek the proper help. But for the sake of our time together today and the work that we're going to do in the institute, which by the way, in just a few weeks, we're doing a full masterclass on this work that's filled with neuroscience, that's filled with coaching psychology. So what you're getting today is on the surface, however you get to take, we're showing what I'm showing you today and start taking small, minimal action so that we can unravel some things. And so that when you join us in the institute, we're deep diving. We're going to deep dive into this one hour masterclass that's coming up very soon, but for our time together today, that's the first thing I want for you to keep in mind is this reactionary versus proactive state, right?33:19 We can be proactive in preparing for an event. It's not until the event occurs that we then find ourselves reacting, reacting with heavy emotion, reacting with misbehavior, right? And here's the thing, it's normal. This is normal. If you're reacting to someone who is mistreating you, it's normal. It's not good or bad. It's normal. That's what I want for you to take away from this. This is normal. How you reacted in the past is just fine. But now we get to do the work so that we can close those events so that we can move forward. Because I'm not taking any of this into 2024. Are you kidding? I'm not taking relationships with me into 2024. They're staying here in 2023. I can't afford to have some people move into my life and carry them through 20, 24 and beyond. They're staying here. That's very clear to me.34:17 But it wasn't clear to me until I did this work that we're doing today. It wasn't until I took the learnings from those events that helped me realize, no, actually I love myself more. I actually care about my mental health and wellbeing more. So here's where you're going to stay and here's where I'm going, and I'm not asking you to come with me. I'm actually going to leave you there. And so this is what the work has allowed me to do. It allowed me to reevaluate myself, my values, my belief systems, what I want in my relationships, what I want in my business, what kind of clients I want to work with. Trust me, I've severed relationships with clients as well because we're no longer serving one another, and it's time to now move on. And so this is the work. This is how you change your past without actually speaking to any of these folks, actually getting them involved in this work.35:18 We don't need to get anybody involved in this work. That's why this is all internal work that you and I get to do together. And so that's the first thing I want for you to remember. Again, proactive versus reactive. And so here's so cool. Arthur Brooks, is he Princeton? I dunno if he's Princeton or Harvard, I'm not sure. He's a professor of happiness and he talks about having a failure and disappointment journal. Now, listen, I journal. I always say pen and paper have saved my life. Pen and paper is how I got through some very difficult times in my youth and in my adulthood. And so he talks about having a failure and disappointment journal, and I thought, Ooh, that's morbid. Why would I want to keep all of my failures in this book? And he says, the reason why we do that is so that we get to manage the memories of those events instead of the event managing us.36:19 And I thought, well, that's brilliant. Of course, failure and disappointment journal. But he also says this, you take note so that you take the power from that circumstance and from those people, you now manage it. You now have control. So now you get to write down what you learned from that situation, and it's just putting your thoughts on paper about that event. But here's what's so cool. He says, in six months time, I want for you to set an alarm or set a calendar notice so that you can go back to that event because now you've been separated from the acuity of that event. You now have that impartial spectator approach, which is what I like to call having the distance between an event and where you are today. So you now have a six-month view. You've now been separated from that event, and now you get to jot down some notes there.37:19 And then you ask yourself, okay, well what did I learn from this? How could I have benefited from this? And then you take note. And then he says, in a year's time, you put another note on your calendar, and now you look back, you go, okay, that was crappy. That happened. And six months after that, I had a great insight about it. And now I'm 12 months out from that event, and now I really have a strong perspective on what I truly learned from that event. This is why having that failure and disappointment journal, again, this is Arthur Brooks, professor of happiness at either Harvard Princeton, I don't know where he's out of, but he has some great books on happiness. And he talks about helping you reframe, redefined an unpleasant, uncomfortable, negative event in your life. And that's how he suggests we do that. And I think that's brilliant.38:18 The last thing I'm going to cover today is something I heard from Dr. Joe Dispenza. He said that 50% of our memories are lies. Let me read that again. Lemme say that again. 50% of our memories are lies that the mind embellishes the truth because of how heightened our emotions were at that moment of engraving when that memory was engraved in our brain and in our nervous system, that because of how we filter the world and how we see the world and our beliefs and our values, we took that event, that memory and our minds have embellished the truth around it. So if 50% of our memories are lies, then I want for you to go back to the event that you chose at the top of our call today, that event. And then I want for you to pull evidence. I want for you to pull facts, right?39:21 This is what we do in coaching, at least my style of coaching. I ask my clients, tell me the facts of the matter, please, we're going to deal with the emotional judgment and opinion that you have about the matter, but please draw your attention to the evidence at hand. So if you were going to plead a case in a court of law, you're going to want to have the evidence, right? You're going to want to be clear on the evidence. And so when he said this, and I thought, oh geez, most of my memories are not factual because my mind and I like to a whole lot of stories in my mind. I had to go back to that one event. The one event that I chose to talk about today, this event, I had to look back and look at, okay, who were the key players in that event?40:13 What was the evidence? What were their exact words? Not what my brain has embellished. I want to remember. I want to recall. And that's the thing. If memories are 50% lies, well then your recollection may be a little distorted. And so I had to really sit down and go, okay, who else was in that room? And maybe I can ask them. And I thought, you know what? No, I'm not going to get anybody involved in this. This is what happened. This is what was said. This is how I recalled the situation, and I excluded all of my personal judgment and opinions of the matter. And let me tell you something that was hard, that was hard for me to stay factual. It was hard for me to recall because my mind had already embossed. My neurology was embossed with this event that was so traumatic for me that it was hard for me to see past all of the illusion, all of the embellishment that my mind had created.41:22 And so the more we recall these memories, and we go and tell our friends and we go share it on social media, this is what happened. This is how they treated me. This is what occurred. The more we recall, the more we talk about it, the more embossing, the more it is almost concrete concrete's created in your neurology. And that memory forms with all of emotions, with all of those beliefs and all of those, the memories that you took from that event. And the more it's embossed that they're embossed in our brains, the harder it is to challenge them because that's what we're recalling. Something that's 50% inaccurate. And so here we are again, retelling and telling the same story and telling this. Many people remember, negative news travels extremely fast. And so here we are. We've created that now part of our neurology, and now it's so darn hard to challenge them.42:22 And so when I heard Dr. Joe Dispenza say that, I thought, wow, boy, do I need to do some work? And that's the work that I was able to do. And so that's a second piece of information that I want for you to take today, is that 50% of your memories are lies. And that's the latest research on memories. And that's again, if you want to look up Joe Dispenza, just Google him and that quote, and you'll find plenty of information that he shared on that. So I want for you to go back to that event, the event that you chose at the top of our call together. And I want for you to pull out the evidence. Like I said, pull out the facts of the situation. I want you to recall any evidence that's helpful. Do this without your personal judgment, without your personal opinion.43:05 And I know it can be difficult. And if this memory as accurate as you're trying to get with the facts of the event, I want for you to ask yourself, okay, so here's the evidence. Here are the facts. Could I have done something differently? Could I have taken different action? Could I have responded differently? Was there anything I could have done differently? And the answer is yes. Great. Take those learnings. You see, the through line of our time together today is about taking those learnings because that's how we're going to change our paths so that we can move forward into 2024 with these learnings, right? So now if you tell me that, well, actually these facts, sure they're facts, but still, I have no peace. There's no peace. I still have regret. There's some shame and there's some guilt. Then let's do the work on that.43:58 So that's the whole point of our work together is to be able to look at proactiveness versus reactionary. And number two, looking at our memories with this impartial spectator approach. Well, 50% of them are inaccurate. 50% of my memories are inaccurate. So maybe my mind embellished that situation and maybe I need to go do some work on that. Maybe I need to pull the facts and the evidence of the matter so that I can be able to take those learnings and move forward. This is the self-honesty work that we did today and that we're going to do together. Should you join us in the institute? So again, my dear leaders, those are the two primary things that I want to show you. We're going to deep dive into this curriculum later this month in the institute. It's for my leadership clients. We work on coaching for, again, life and leadership.44:51 We do leadership training. We do life coaching. Our clients get weekly private live coaching with me. And so we also have group opportunities, but more importantly come this December and I want to say December 17th is when we're doing the masterclass. But either way, you're going to want to get in here so that we can get started on coaching. Especially with the information that you're taking today. You can go take these simple minimal action steps towards changing your past. This is how we change our past. We take those learnings, we close that loop, and then we keep moving forward. Because if you're driving that car and you're looking in the rear view mirror, you're not going to get very far in the car, my dear leaders. So I want for you to start focusing on the road ahead. Now, listen, we need the rear view mirror.45:41 That's part of the car. That's how we get, we navigate through traffic. But if you're fixated on the past and you're fixated on these events, it's time that we do this work. Do some self honesty work, do some self-awareness work, have some self mastery skills here, and that's what I'm going to show you in this masterclass that's coming up. But you take this information today and start now so that we can close the loop on these events so that we can keep driving forward. Because 20 twenty-four, I want for you to have peace in your mind, in your heart, in your nervous system. I want for you to feel good about your future. I want for you to put your past in the past where it belongs. It has no business moving into the future. The only thing you're taking from those events are those learnings that we're getting today, right? These are the learnings that we're taking with us into the future. So that pain and that suffering that yet you endured was not for nothing.46:41 Use the learning so that we can create a powerful, exciting, fulfilling, joyous future. That's the point of this work. This is how you change your past. All right, dear leaders, thank you so much for your time today. I know that you could have done a million other things, but you chose to spend some time with me today because you care about your future and I care about your future. And what you're seeing on the screen right now is the website. Go to Dr. Denise Simpson. You're going to look up the institute or go to drdeniesimpson forward slash you're going to want to join us in the institute. By the way, this is the last time we're going to offer it at this recurring price after January one, my dear leaders, that's it. It's over. We're going to increase that price for brand new members. So if you want in on monthly recurring leadership training, that's curriculum built on neuroscience curriculum, that's built on coaching psychology, and of course leadership theory, you're going to want to join us, plus you get weekly private coaching with me.47:44 Where else are you going to get that? Nowhere else. So you're going to want to join us and plus look forward to this December's Master class where we're going to take this information and we're going to workshop it, and we're going to go 10 layers deep, so much we can do on a podcast episode. So we need private time in a Zoom room where we really get intimate with this work, and that's what we're going to do in December. So you're going to want to join us. Alright, dear leaders, thank you so very much for your time today. Leave a comment, leave an insight that you've taken from today's episode. Would appreciate it. All right. Have a wonderful rest of your day. Take good care. Hey, leader, do you want weekly leadership tips, coaching and training straight to your email inbox? Yeah, I thought so. Head over to drdenise Simpson.com forward slash leadership. Again, that's simpson.com Forward slash leadership. Just submit your name and your email address and we'll get started right away. I look forward to serving you inside your email inbox. See you soon.