00:08 Hi, I'm Denise Simpson, master life and leadership coach who helps women step into their authentic and feminine power. So they can lead like visionaries influence with grace and create a legacy of contribution and service. You'll hear about real leadership clients with real problems, navigating their success in life, business, and career. If you're ready to become a masterful leader, then this podcast was made for you. So let's get started.
00:45 [inaudible]
00:46 All right. Welcome back. Happy you are here. Let's get loud. Like I'm ready to disrupt some. I'm ready to like rebel. I'm ready to rattle the cages and I hope you are too. Listen. This is my natural state of being. I am the most rowdiest most upfront in your face kind of person. I really am. So what you see on social is very timid and tamed, and I am making such a great effort to step into this outrageous loud leader that I, I am really. So if you know me in real life, I am aggressive. Yeah. I said it I'm aggressive. I'm not violent. I'm aggressive. I am very assertive. I stand behind my convictions. I am ready to help you transform your life, whether you want it or not. Like I am that person in your life. That's going to go way, way, way, way.
01:42 Wait, I'm sorry. What did you just say? Like pay attention to your language. I'm here to put the mirror up against your brain. We're going to disrupt some neurology today. This is what you said. Did you mean that like that I'm that chick, like, I'm not somebody who has casual conversations. I'm not, I am the most uncomfortable mingling in a room and I do a lot of social events and I'm doing a lot of, a lot of nonprofit, you know, board role things that I have to do. And that's part of a role that I have to play. I have to go and I have to mingle and I have to go and talk to people. And the small talk is what makes me the most uncomfortable in my skin, because I want to jump into like the deep end of the pool with you.
02:30 Like, I want to know all the things I want to know where you were born, how you were raised, why you believe what you believe and what you want out of life. Like I am that person that if you, you know, sit down with a bottle of wine, we are the deepest soulful friends forever and ever more. Like, that's just what I create in my life. So for me, small talk is very uncomfortable. Doing this podcast gives me the opportunity to go real deep with you. So you and I may never meet face to face. Gosh, I hope we do, but we may not ever meet face to face, but this is an opportunity for us to go deep, like real deep, like get into your neurology, like really get into your brain or put the mirror up against your brain and help you see for yourself what you can't see for yourself, right?
03:19 That's what I get to do as your life and leadership coach. Now today's topic gets me so excited. Like seriously, I did a lot of self coaching before I came onto this podcast because I wanted to get into the state of mind and emotion that is excited is ready to disrupt. Your world is ready to like show you that you are the most influential, powerful woman in your life. But I am ready to show you that. And my emotions are aligned with this belief that you need to know this information. Like I have to deliver this information to you today. Or if not, your life's just not going to be the same. What's that going to be the same either way after you hear this from me, I'm not making any sense because I'm so excited. All right, let me, let me, let me calm down a little bit and take a deep breath because I don't want you to turn this off.
04:20 I really want you to stay with me until the very end, because this could be the episode that changes your trajectory. That changes your perspective on you. The nucleus, the most powerful person in your life. I mean, think about it. You, my friend are the core of your life. Duh. No one has your brain. No one has your heart. No one has, you know, your unique perspective on life. No one knows how you were raised, what you were made to believe how you were conditioned to behave. Nobody knows this, but you, so, duh, you are the core. You are the nucleus of your life. Thank God, right? I am the core and the nucleus of my life. Ooh. And let me tell you something. Just knowing that, knowing what that means, that I am the core, meaning that I have the power to generate influence, to generate service, to generate thought provoking, transformational coaching.
05:31 That I, because I'm the core of my life. I am able to impact and influence others in and not just my immediate family, but in every sphere of my life. So we're going to talk about your spheres of influence because you are the core, the nucleus, you've got all this power within you and it's untapped energy. It is untapped potential. And if I'm yelling into this mic, uh, sorry, not sorry, because I want to get across to you right here, right now that you have control of how you think of how you feel and what you do with your life. You are the core, you are the nucleus. So stand firm in knowing that. And I just want you to take a moment and think about this. Like you, the nucleus, this is where your DNA is housed. This, this is where, you know, your values are housed.
06:37 Your belief systems are housed. This is who you are. You know, everything that you went through in your childhood, your young adulthood, everything you've experienced in your personal life and your professional life, in all the areas of your life. You are the, the accumulation, right? You are here right now. The person you are today because of everything that created you, you are the core, you are the nucleus. So how does that feel right now? Does that feel debilitating or does it feel powerful? Do you fear knowing this? Or does it, does it make you feel like you are invincible? Like what are the emotions that are coming up for you? As I tell you that you are the nucleus, like all the powers within you, like we can't keep blaming others. We can't keep blaming our parents for the screwed up lives. We, we had, we can't keep blaming the government for what they didn't do or did do to us.
07:37 We can't keep blaming society for why we behave the way we do as women. We can't keep blaming our leader, our supervisors, our children, our ex-spouses, our ex-lovers like we, can't not cannot keep blaming people outside of our core. They don't have our brains. They don't have the power to influence our thinking. I know a lot of you are going, wait, what, what do you mean? They don't have the power, but my ex-husband did this to me. And he made me believe this, or made me think this. And I hate him for it. No, he didn't do to you, my friend. It's your thoughts. It is your thoughts that create your emotions, your thoughts about him, your thoughts about the relationship you had with him, the thoughts about your divorce, the thoughts about what a. He was all that. It's your thoughts. I create your emotions.
08:37 That's never, ever, ever the circumstance far. I know this is very hard to digest. This is what I show my clients insight. The masters of leadership program is the self coaching model. This is what I have from my mentor, my, my, uh, idol. She is everything. She's my coach. And she teaches a self coaching model. And I have really, really honed in on neutralizing situations, neutralizing circumstances, being very objective with that data, right? Just pulling out data from a circumstance so that I am able to understand why I'm thinking the way I'm thinking, therefore, influencing a feeling, therefore creating an action or inaction, and then ultimately result in my life. And so it is something that I have also learned through my coach training, through the neuro-linguistic programming program. It is something that we learned right away. And I have adapted this idea of the results cycle, where your beliefs create your daily thoughts, right?
09:54 A belief is made up of all of these thoughts about a certain context. So like for example, the belief about money, right? Like you have many thoughts about money, right? Not just one linear singular thought about money. No, you've got thousands of thoughts about money and maybe they're a hundred percent negative or maybe they're 80% negative, or maybe they're 50% negative for me growing up in, in a very scarcity, feared money and Vien family, right? We never had enough money. We begged borrowed and stole money. I mean, seriously, there's a lot going on there in regards to the value of money. And I had all these beliefs, beliefs that were debilitating beliefs that were disempowering, that then created a beliefs cluster. And that belief around money was about 90% negative. And so every time I tried to make money, every time I tried to advance in my career, every time I would put out value and would expect my clients to pay this value in exchange for what I was providing my money, beliefs would block my prosperity.
11:15 And so I had to do something about that. And so the results cycle is that it shows you that your beliefs that are it's a, it's a cluster of all these thoughts, they inspire your daily thoughts about money, right? And then you, you pick that one thought that's perpetuating. It's the one that's causing you the most discomfort or the most harm in regards to emotional negativity. That's a thought you want to choose. And then you, you identify the emotion that's coming up for me. It's always been fear, fear. I, you know, when I think of money, I think of fear. I think of not having enough. I think of having to hustle work harder because I will, I won't be able to sustain a lifestyle that I created that I want to maintain. And so fear comes up often. And then the actions I take from that emotion of fear is for me, for me, maybe not for you, for me, fear debilitates me.
12:12 It makes me want to go hide in the closet. It makes me want to go crawl under the covers. It makes me want to go eat my brains out. It makes me want to numb the crap out of my brain. So I don't feel anything. That's what fear does to me. Fear may be completely opposite for you. And you may have very different actions that you take from fear. For me, fear debilitates me. I furries, right? I'll freeze. And then sometimes I will flee, right? The nervous system fight flight freeze or fawn, the fourth one. That's so interesting. I'll do an episode on that very soon, but I want for you to start identifying for yourself. Number one, you are the core. You're the nucleus. You control your brain. You get to discipline your beautiful mind. You get to create the results that you want in your life.
13:04 From your belief systems. Your beliefs are tied to values and values are what drive your drives your action. It is like the fuel for motivation. And it's always important to start looking at your values as a leader, always important to check in on them often. And I created a very special work book for you, and it is called the spheres of influence and the 15 values of a masterful leader. So the idea is you are the core. You are the nucleus, you that's your spear, that's you, that's your core sphere from there. You then are impacted by the sphere of family. So if you don't have a family, as in you don't have children in your own immediate family, think back on the family that raised you, right? Think back on, on, on the values that they showed you, what, what did they believe about money?
14:07 What do they believe about marriage? What did they believe about you as a girl in this, in this world? What did they teach you when you were, you know, a young girl? So start looking at what shaped you in this spear of family. And if you are a mother and you do have children, what are the values that are important to you? And what do you want to show your children? Right? So that's the second spear, right? So again, you are the core, the nucleus, you are the first sphere, and then you extend out into your family, right after your family, you are now looking at your organization or that you're a part of, right? So what values are important in the organization you work in right now, what values are displayed in the industry you work in? If you are someone in the tech field, what are the values in regards to women, in technology, women, in stem, women who are in, you know, these, these mostly male dominated industries, what are the values that were shown to you or taught to you, or how you were conditioned to believe about your role in this industry or in that particular organization?
15:24 So that's the third sphere we move on to the fourth one community and society, right? So I'm, you know, Mexican American raised on the Texas Mexican border. My community is tight-knit. I have very, very interesting values in regards to powerful women in my culture. I'm also somebody who's very conscious of, you know, what Latino women are earning and not earning compared to other women of different cultures. And so I am, I'm highly influenced by these values that I was programmed to believe that I was culturized into. And that's another sphere of where I can provide influence and power. And then the last fear is the world at large, it's this, this is the world you and I share what are the overarching values that I have learned in regards to my place in the world? And so the spheres of influence you take yourself into all these spheres.
16:30 Remember you're the core. And then you have these ripple effects into these other spheres. And it's your influence. It's your power, it's your values, your core values, you as a nucleus, what are your personal values? And then you look at the values that you have learned, or that you are learning to disrupt, or you are learning to change, or you are learning to identify with in, in these, in these subsequent spheres. And so I called the worksheet, the spheres of influence and the 15 values of a masterful leader, because I time and time again, as someone who spent a great deal of time in academics, in higher education in the classroom, I, I had people come in saying, I'm not a leader. I want to self identify as a leader, but I don't have the attributes. I don't have the skill set. I don't have the mindset.
17:27 Where do I begin? And so I developed this worksheet so that we can all start on common ground. You know, first we look at you, the leader and my guiding principle has always been lead thyself. First, something I have shown my students. I have shown my members have shown my clients to do it. Is you the core, the nucleus, that is the most important element or aspect of leadership and specifically your brain, right? It's the, the number one leadership tool that you must master your brain. And that includes your beliefs, your values, your actions, your emotions, and every result you've created in your life, all lead back to your beautiful brain. And so your brain is the, the number one leadership tool we must develop. And so this is where we go from the core, you, the nucleus into all these other Spears in your life and how you can influence all these areas of your life by developing very specific values in each of these spheres.
18:42 And so these 15 values correspond to the sphere that you're in, including the core, the nucleus, right? So I help you identify what those values are. And then we go into the family sphere and I identified three values that are the most important to develop within that sphere. Then the third spear, which is community, excuse me, your organization, or industry, and those three values that, that you must embody to be influential in that sphere. And then we move into the fourth sphere, which is community and society. And those three values that again, you must cultivate within yourself to be the most powerful, influential masterful leader there can be. And then last is the world at large, the world that you and I share three values that correspond to that sphere. And so what I want us to do is look at our values, just over all over arching values, right?
19:49 You, as, as a woman, you, as a mother, you as a girlfriend, you as a lover, you as a wife, you as a leader, you as a nonprofit leader, you as a business owner, you as the CEO of your company, start, start paying attention to your values because of your values are what drive your actions and values are part of your belief systems. And these are, are, are things that guide or motivate your attitude, your actions, they guide your actions in every context of your life. Like you may have values that correspond to your intimate relationship and then separate values that correspond to your business relationships. And so values are, are everywhere and, and they're mostly unconscious. And so when we take this opportunity today to start identifying well, what are some of my, our values? What are some of my values? Like for example, my business values as a CEO of my company, as the number one leadership training and coaching company that serves women and their allies, my number one value is fun.
21:12 Like I want to have a great time doing what I love to do fun is my number one. My number two is financial prosperity. Can't be in business without having, you know, financial prosperity as one of my values, right? I mean, that's the whole point of going into business for myself. And so what I did was I listed all of my values in regards to the business context. And then I also listed my values in regards to my personal intimate relationship context, my marriage specifically, and my values, let's say, for example, I have my, my, you know, math, max 10 listed. I asked my husband to do his 10 and guess what? Some of those values were not in alignment with each other. My number one was his number five, right? His number one was my number 10. And so here we were at odds with each other.
22:14 We weren't in alignment with each other. And so once we did this work, we realized, whoa, there's a lot of conflict here in regards to this in regards to communication, because he wants to talk out and I run away like his number one, communication was my number 10, right? Like I was like, now I don't need to talk to you. I'm out of here. Like I had so much ego and pride and I'd never wanted to show him that I was hurt. So I would blow him off and like, you know, run away. And so obviously in a partnership like that, we, we needed to come to terms with a shared values list so that we could acknowledge each other's needs and desires in regards to what we wanted in our marriage. And so we came up with a third list and this is the list we have.
23:04 We have intentionally compromised on, on keeping. This is, this is what a union and a marriage and a partnership looks like. And so if you're not conscious of it, then you wind up in divorce court, you wind up in bankruptcy court, you wind up losing your children. And so this is something that I was able to show my leadership clients when I started to work with them privately, you know, they, I would, I would go in as a consultant. I would organize our whole, you know, company. And then they would come to me for personal coaching because they were losing their families. They were in divorce court, they were ready to file for personal bankruptcy. These were individuals who were top of their game in the organization, excelling 100% in the organization, but in their personal lives, things are falling apart because their values were in conflict with what the partnership asked for or what they wanted for themselves personally.
24:04 And so values are so important. And that's one of the first things I do with my clients is I take them through their values list. So they're coming to me in regards to, you know, a leadership context. They are wanting to either promote, they're wanting to, you know, move from one company to another. I'm looking at their values. I'm asking them probing questions about what's important to them and why, why is this necessary? And then we look at where the conflicts are in their beliefs, right? Because you may have a very strong value and go, wow. You know, I want to make a million bucks, but the belief that money doesn't grow on trees and you're going to have to work your off for it. And that actually nobody in my culture has ever reached a million dollars in their business. So, um, yeah, I don't really believe that, but my value is making financial prosperity.
24:54 Well, there's conflict there, my friends. So we have to align the beliefs, the desires and these values so that you can go and obtain whatever results you want in your life. So this workbook that I have for you today, the spheres of influence and the 15 values of a masterful leader, I want for you to take this in, on a personal level and a professional level. This workbook is to guide you in all aspects of your life, obviously in every single sphere of your life. And I want for you to go into the show notes or go to Dr. Denise simpson.com forward slash values, plural values, or going go into the show notes and click on this link, download that. You're going to enter your, your email address in exchange for this amazing workbook. And I want for you to take a very close look at this and do the work start identifying these values within each of these Spears and how you can incorporate these into your, into, into that particular context of your life.
26:02 Because you are the core, the most influential, powerful person that you know, I mean, think about it. I don't know anyone more powerful than me. I am the core. I am the nucleus and you, my friend should take on this same perspective about yourself. You are the most powerful, influential person that you know, and you, my friend, you get to influence every single sphere of your life. And these values that I'm showing you are the ones that are going to be the most powerful. They're going to be the ones that, that impact your followers, that impact your subordinates, that impact your family, your children, your spouse, your partner. These are the values that a masterful leader embodies to generate self power and influence. And I want for you to have this workbook as soon as possible. So hurry up and go get that, and then reach out to me over on IgG at Dr. Denise Simpson. I want to hear from you, you are the most powerful, influential person that you know, and I want to know you too. So reach out as soon as possible, but get this workbook a S a B, okay. I can calm down. All right, my friend have a fantastic day. I'm wishing you my best and I'll catch you on our next week's episode. Bye for now.
27:34 Hey, if you enjoy listening to this podcast, you have to join me inside my exclusive coaching membership for women in leadership, just like you, I'm going to help you become a masterful leader with the help of a community of the most powerful women on this planet. My membership is called masters of leadership. Yes, of course it would be called that. So whether you're a novice or a master, you have to join us. You're going to get the support that you need and deserve inside my membership. So head over to Dr. Denise simpson.com forward slash M O L. That website again is Dr. Denise simpson.com forward slash M O L. You deserve this, my friend. So join us inside. See you soon.
